Sixteen

We worked together to quickly clean up breakfast then left the apartment.  Down the hall, to the left and around the right corner, one of the apartment doors gaped open.  I felt the familiar emotions and headed toward the opening.

“I don’t like it,” I heard Thomas say before I stepped in.

“Sorry, we’re late,” I said when all eyes turned to us.

“It’s all right, Isabelle,” Winifred said.  “We were just discussing Charlene’s conversation with the news lady.”

“Penny,” Charlene said.

“Yes, Penny.  The woman was insistent that they meet but then said she wasn’t available until tomorrow.”

Bethi caught my blank look.

“It’s fishy,” she said.  “The woman practically screamed yes when Charlene asked if they could meet to talk but then became cagey about a time.  She wanted Charlene to give her a number so she could call her back.  Charlene insisted on a time before they hung up.”

“I expected her reaction,” Charlene said.  “And it’s nothing to worry about.”

“It’s everything to worry about,” Thomas said.  “The woman knows what you can do.”

Charlene and Thomas shared a look.

“She does,” Charlene said, agreeing with him.  “And that’s why she’s willing to meet with us.  And why, come tomorrow, there will be cameras ready.”

“She’s in for a bit of a shock, then,” I said.  I could only imagine how the woman would react to Winifred changing into a werewolf.

Charlene’s lips curved into a slight, sad smile.

“She is.”  She laid her hand on Thomas’ arm.  “There’s nothing to worry about.  I’ll have an idea of what she has planned before we even reach her.”

“How?”  I mean, I knew Charlene could control people, but could she read minds, too?

“I can feel the wills of the people around me.  When they are consciously focused on something, it’s in their will for me to feel.”

“So you’re reading everyone all the time?”  Thoughts instead of feelings.  I didn’t envy her.

“No.  I have to make an effort to read a person’s will.  I usually don’t, respecting their privacy.  However, tomorrow, I will be reading everyone.”

“We should go early,” Bethi said.  “To keep an eye on things.”

“I agree,” Thomas said.  “We’ll go an hour early tomorrow morning, but we also need to check on things today.  Isabelle, Carlos, and Grey, I’d like the three of you to go to the station now and see what you can feel and learn.”

“Isn’t that dangerous with Blake’s men out there?” Michelle asked.

“It’s not too bad,” Gabby said.  She looked rested for a change.  “There don’t seem to be many Urbat in the city.”

“And those who are here would have to be walking right next to us to catch our scents,” Grey said.  “There’s too much going on in this city.”

Thomas nodded.

“Right now, I’m more worried about Penny and the humans than I am the Urbat.”

I didn’t relish the idea of going outside or lingering near a busy news center.  My skin would be crawling in no time.  Bethi seemed to have the same thought.

“It’s not going to work.  Isabelle won’t be able to stay out there for very long.”

“Bethi said you’re an emotional siphon.  Yet, you pushed out your emotions before,” Thomas said.  “Have you ever tried to stay in a constant state of pushing instead of pulling?”

The possibility of what he said exploded inside my head.  All I could do was stare at him in shock.  If I stayed in a constant state of pushing, there would be no build up and no dangerous release.  No need for fighting.  No need to hold myself back.  An ache began in my chest as I thought of Ethan and the future we could have had if I’d figured out how to push out the emotions years ago.  I could have tried to love him like he’d deserved.  Oh, Ethan, I thought.  I’m so sorry.

Carlos wrapped his arms around me and turned me.  As soon as I faced him, I leaned my forehead against his chest and struggled to swallow my grief.

“I apologize for upsetting you,” Thomas said, clearly clueless as to what part of his suggestion had caused my reaction.

I nodded but didn’t turn yet.

“I’ve never tried what you’re suggesting.  I need to go for a walk and see if it works.”  I lifted my head and slid out of Carlos’ arms without looking back at anyone.

In the hallway, Carlos reached for my hand.  The move was too reminiscent of Ethan and made the ache eating through my heart more pronounced.

“Ethan didn’t need for you to love him in return.  He loved you freely.  No conditions.  And he would hate to know you carried any regrets now because of him.”

His eerie ability to read the direction of my thoughts annoyed me.

“I don’t have regrets because of him.  I have regrets for him.  He deserved so much more.”

Carlos tugged my hand until I stopped walking and turned to face him.

“What could be better than your love?”  He pulled me close and brushed a thumb over my cheek as he held my face.  “A smart man would welcome it in any form.  Ethan was smart and knew what he had.”

I exhaled slowly, knowing Carlos was right.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime, Isabelle.”

We resumed walking down the hall and left the building through the parking garage again.  Outside, I shivered.

“I need a quiet corner,” I said, setting out at a brisk pace.

As soon as I felt sufficiently warm, I stepped up to a jog.  Following last night’s path, I found a discreet place and stopped.  Carlos halted beside me.  When I glanced his way, he nodded.

I pushed everything out, and instead of relaxing the force to push out, I maintained it.  It felt like I’d done a cannonball into a pool.  The emotions that surrounded me couldn’t touch me, and I floated in a blissful void.  The bliss only lasted for a few seconds.

“This feels weird,” I said.

Siphoning was a part of me.  Not pulling in anything started to make me panic.  Though I knew I continued to breathe, I felt oxygen starved, like a fish out of water, gasping for air.  I wouldn’t be able to maintain a push indefinitely.

I relaxed the effort behind my force to keep emotions out and once again started to feel the emotions around me.  Relief flooded me.  It was like regaining feeling in a sleeping limb.  I immediately pushed out again, then relaxed the push to let a little in before repeating the exercise once more.  Like treading water, I kept myself submerged in emotions but afloat.

“I think I can do this.”

We started back toward the apartments.  When we neared people, I kept an eye on their reactions.  Most of them frowned and looked around.  I wondered what they felt from me.  But there were no severe reactions.  No staggering or nosebleeds.

Everyone was waiting for us in the garage.

“How did it go?” Bethi asked.

“Well, I can’t just keep everything out like Thomas said.  If I push, I can’t feel what everyone around me is feeling, which would defeat the purpose of sending me.  But if I push and pull, like breathing in and out, there won’t be a buildup to bother me or anything that might hurt someone else.  It should work.”

“And there are no adverse effects?” Winifred said, looking at Carlos.

“Nothing adverse,” he said.

“Then, let’s go,” Grey said, motioning us to the car.

“We’ll see you at dinner,” Winifred said.  The rest of the group started moving to the stairwell.

“Be careful,” Bethi said before she and Luke followed the others.

“We need to stop and get a coat for Isabelle,” Carlos said as he opened the back door for me.

I slid over, hoping he’d join me in the back.  He did.  He also reached out and threaded his fingers through mine.  The feeling of his thumb brushing over my skin helped ease the lingering ache from Thomas’ comment.  Ethan would have been happy I was giving Carlos a chance.  And with that realization, my remaining guilt vanished.

Giving Carlos’ hand a slight squeeze, I focused on Grey.  I’d continued to exercise my emotional purging but hadn’t notice any reaction so far since he’d started the car and steered us out of the garage.  Then again, I didn’t feel much from him, either.