After the others had left, Patrik remained seated at the table for a while, studying what was posted on the corkboard. Four men. Four friends. One of them dead.

What was it that linked all of them together?

Sanna felt like she was always tiptoeing around him. Their marriage had never been good, not even in the beginning. It took courage to admit that, but she could no longer ignore the truth. Christian had never let her into his life.

He’d always said what was expected of him, done the things he was supposed to do, courted her and given her compliments. But she had never really believed him, although in the past she refused to admit as much to herself. Because he was more than she had ever allowed herself to dream of. His profession might give the impression of a boring and dusty person, but he was the polar opposite. Unattainable and handsome, with eyes that seemed to have seen everything. And when he looked at her with those eyes, she had done her best to fill in the void herself. He had never loved her, and she realized that she’d known this all along. Yet she had fooled herself, seeing only those things she wanted to see and ignoring whatever had rung false.

Now Sanna had no idea what to do. She didn’t want to leave Christian. Even though her love was not returned, she still loved him and she told herself that would be enough, if only he would stay. At the same time, she felt empty and cold inside at the thought of living with him that way, being the only one who gave any love.

She sat up in bed and looked at her husband. He was sound asleep. Slowly she reached out her hand to touch his hair. His thick, dark hair with the traces of grey. A stray lock had tumbled down over one eye, and she gently pushed it back.

Things had not gone well last night, and that was becoming a more and more frequent occurrence. She never knew when he might explode over something, whether large or small. Yesterday the children had been making too much noise. Then he didn’t like the dinner she’d made, and she’d said something to him in the wrong tone of voice. Things couldn’t continue like this. Everything that had been difficult during their years together had suddenly taken over, and soon there would be nothing good left. It was as if they were rushing at the speed of light towards something unknown, towards the darkness, and she wanted to yell ‘Stop!’ and put an end to it. She wanted their life to be the way it used to be.

Yet, in spite of everything, she understood more now. Christian had given her a small piece of his past. And no matter how terrible the story was, she felt as if she’d received a beautifully wrapped gift. He had told her something about himself, shared something with her that he’d never shared with anyone else. And she treasured that.

But she didn’t really know what to do with the information he had confided in her. She wanted to help him, to talk more about it and find out other things that nobody else knew. But he gave her nothing. She had tried again yesterday, with the result that Christian had left the house, slamming the door behind him so hard that the windows rattled. She had no idea when he finally came home. By eleven o’clock she had cried herself to sleep, and when she woke up a little while ago, there he was in bed next to her. Now it was almost seven. If Christian was going to work today, he should be getting up. She glanced at the alarm clock, but it hadn’t been set for a specific time. Should she wake him?

Sanna hesitated as she sat on the edge of the bed. His eyes were moving rapidly under his eyelids. She would have given anything to know what he was dreaming, what images he saw. His body twitched, and his face looked pained. Slowly she lifted her hand, placing it lightly on his shoulder. He would be angry if he was late for work because she hadn’t woken him. But if he had the day off, he’d be angry that she hadn’t let him sleep. She wished that she knew how to please Christian, how to make him happy.

She jumped at the sound of Nils’s voice coming from the children’s room. He was shouting for her, sounding scared. Sanna stood up and listened. For a second she thought she had imagined it, that Nils’s voice was an echo from her own dreams, in which the kids were always calling her, needing her. But there it was again.

‘Mamma!’

Why did he sound scared? Sanna’s heart began pounding hard, and her feet moved swiftly. She threw on her bathrobe and rushed into the next room, which the boys shared. Nils was sitting up in bed. His eyes were wide as he looked towards the doorway, staring at her. He was holding out his arms, like a little Christ figure on the cross. Sanna felt the shock descend on her like a punch in the stomach. She saw her son’s trembling, splayed fingers, his chest, his teddy-bear pyjamas, which he loved. By now she had washed them so many times that they were beginning to fray at the wrists. She saw the red. Her brain was hardly able to take in the scene. Then she raised her eyes to the opposite wall and a scream rose up inside of her, reaching her throat and then bursting out of her.

‘Christian! CHRISTIAN!’

Kenneth’s lungs were burning. It was a strange feeling in the midst of the haze that enveloped him. Ever since yesterday afternoon, when he’d found Lisbet dead in her bed, his life had seem shrouded in fog. The house was so quiet when he came home after going to the office with the police. They had taken her away. She was gone.

He had considered going somewhere else. It had suddenly felt impossible for him to step inside their home. But where could he have gone? There was no one he could stay with. Besides, it was here in the house that he would find her. In the pictures on the walls and the curtains in the windows, in the handwriting on the little labels on the packets of food in the freezer. In the radio station that he would hear when he switched it on in the kitchen, and in all the strange foodstuffs that filled the pantry: truffle oil, spelt biscuits, and peculiar tinned goods. Items that she had brought home with the greatest satisfaction but then never used. He had teased her so many times about her big culinary plans and ambitious recipes that always gave way to much simpler meals. He wished that he could tease her one more time.

Kenneth took longer strides. Erik had said that he didn’t have to come into work today, but he needed routines. What was he supposed to do with himself at home? He had got up as usual when the alarm clock rang, climbing out of the camp-bed next to his wife’s bed, now empty. He had even welcomed the ache in his back. It was the same sore muscles that he’d had when she was still alive. In an hour he had to be at the office. It took him forty minutes every morning to make his usual run through the woods. He had passed the football pitch a few minutes ago, which meant that he was about halfway. He picked up the pace. His lungs were telling him that he was approaching the limits of his endurance, but his feet continued to pound against the ground. That was good. The pain in his lungs forced out some of the pain in his heart. Enough so that he didn’t simply lie down, curl up in a ball, and let his grief take over.

He didn’t know how he was going to live without her. It was like having to live without oxygen. Just as impossible, just as suffocating. His feet moved even faster. Tiny dots of light flickered in front of his eyes, and his field of vision contracted. He fixed his eyes on a spot far away, an opening in the branches where the first glimmer of morning light was filtering through. The harsh light from the lamps that lit up the route still dominated.

The track narrowed to a path, and the ground became more uneven, peppered with hollows and holes. It was also a bit icy, but he was so familiar with the route that he didn’t bother to look down. He was staring at the light, focused on the approaching dawn.