‘I’ve got to go and build a new masterpiece. I was thinking of a model of the Taj Mahal, built to scale.’
Erica shook her head, laughing. Sometimes she wondered if the man she’d married was completely sane. Probably not, she decided.
Anna spotted her from some distance away. A short, solitary figure at the far end of the floating docks. She hadn’t intended to go looking for her. But as soon as she came down the slope of Galärbacken and saw Belinda, she knew that she would have to go out and talk to the girl.
Belinda didn’t hear her approach. She was sitting on the dock, smoking, a packet of Gula Blend and a book of matches next to her.
‘Hi,’ said Anna.
Belinda flinched. She glanced at the cigarette in her hand and for a second seemed to consider hiding it somehow, but then she defiantly stuck it in her mouth and inhaled deeply.
‘Could I have one?’ asked Anna, sitting down next to Belinda.
‘You smoke?’ asked Belinda in surprise, but she handed over the pack.
‘I used to. For five years. But my… former husband… He didn’t like it.’ That was a slight understatement. One time, in the beginning, when Lucas found her smoking a cigarette in secret, he’d put it out on the crook of her arm. She still had a faint scar from that incident.
‘You won’t tell Pappa, will you?’ said Belinda sullenly, waving her cigarette. But then she added a subdued: ‘Please?’
‘If you won’t tell on me, I won’t tell on you,’ said Anna, closing her eyes as she took the first drag.
‘Should you really be smoking? I mean because of the… baby?’ said Belinda, suddenly sounding like an indignant old lady.
Anna laughed. ‘This is going to be the first and last cigarette I smoke while I’m pregnant. I promise.’
They sat in silence for a while, blowing smoke rings out over the water. The summer heat had vanished completely, replaced by a raw September chill. But at least there was no wind, and the calm, glittering surface of the water stretched out before them. The harbour looked deserted, with only a few boats in the marina – not like in the summer when they were lined up several rows deep.
‘It’s not easy, is it?’ said Anna, looking at the water.
‘What?’ asked Belinda, sounding surly and still uncertain what attitude to adopt.
‘Being a kid. Although you’re almost grown-up now.’
‘You don’t know anything about it,’ replied Belinda, tossing a pebble into the water.
‘No, you’re right, I was born the age that I am now,’ laughed Anna, giving Belinda a poke in the side to show she was teasing. She was rewarded with a tiny smile that disappeared instantly. Anna didn’t say anything else. She wanted to allow Belinda to determine the pace of their conversation. Neither of them spoke for several minutes until, out of the corner of her eye, Anna noticed Belinda cautiously peering at her.
‘Do you feel really sick?’
Anna nodded. ‘Like a seasick polecat.’
‘Why would a polecat get seasick?’ asked Belinda, giggling.
‘Why not? Can you prove that a polecat never gets seasick? If so, I’d like to see the evidence. Because that’s exactly how I feel. Like a seasick polecat.’
‘Oh, you’re just pulling my leg,’ said Belinda, but she couldn’t help laughing.
‘Joking aside, I feel really fat.’
‘Mamma felt like shit when she was pregnant with Lisen. I was old enough then to remember it. She was… Oh, sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t talk about when Mamma and Pappa…’ She fell silent, embarrassed. She reached for another cigarette and cupped her hands around it to light up.
‘You know, you’re more than welcome to talk about your mother. Whenever you like. I have no problem with the fact that Dan had a life before he met me – he had the three of you in that life, after all. With your mother. Honestly, you needn’t feel like you’re betraying your father just because you love your mother. And I promise that I won’t be offended if you talk about Pernilla. Not at all.’ Anna placed her hand over Belinda’s hand lying on the dock. At first Belinda seemed about to pull away, but then she left her hand where it was. After a few seconds Anna took her hand away, and she too reached for another cigarette. She was going to have to have two cancer-sticks during this pregnancy. But then she would stop. Cold turkey.
‘I’m really good at helping out with babies,’ said Belinda, meeting Anna’s eye. ‘I helped my mother a lot with Lisen when she was little.’
‘Dan has actually told me about that. About how he and your mother practically had to force you to go out and play with your friends instead of taking care of the baby. And he said you were really good at it. So I’m hoping that I can count on a little assistance in the spring. You can take care of all the nappies.’ Again she poked Belinda in the side, and this time the girl poked her back.
With a smile lighting up her eyes, she said, ‘I’ll only take care of the nappies that have pee on them. Deal?’ Belinda held out her hand, and Anna shook it.
‘Deal. The pee nappies are yours.’ Then she added, ‘Your father can take care of the shitty ones.’
Their laughter echoed through the deserted harbour.
Anna would always remember that moment as one of the best in her life. That moment when the ice thawed.
Axel was in the middle of packing when she arrived. He met her at the door, holding a shirt on a hanger in each hand. Behind him, she could see a garment bag hanging on a door in the hall.
‘Are you going somewhere?’ asked Erica.
Axel nodded as he carefully hung up the shirts so they wouldn’t wrinkle.
‘Yes, I need to get back to work soon. I’m leaving for Paris on Friday.’
‘Can you really leave without finding out who…’ She let the words hover in mid-air.
‘I don’t have a choice,’ said Axel grimly. ‘Of course I’ll catch the first plane home if the police need my assistance in any way. But I really need to get back to my work. And it’s not very constructive just to sit here brooding.’ He rubbed his eyes wearily, and Erica noticed how haggard he was starting to look. He seemed to have aged several years since she last saw him.
‘It’ll probably do you good to get away for a while,’ she said gently. Then she hesitated. ‘I have a few questions, several things that I’d like to talk to you about. Could I have a few minutes of your time? If you’re up to it?’
Axel nodded, looking tired and resigned, then motioned for her to come inside. She stopped at the sofa on the veranda, where they’d sat before, but this time he continued on past her, into the next room.
‘What a beautiful room,’ she said breathlessly, looking around. It was like stepping into a museum of a bygone era. Everything in the room dated from the forties, and even though it looked clean and tidy, the room seemed to smell old.
‘Yes, well, neither our parents nor Erik and I had much interest in new-fangled things. Mother and Father never made any major changes to the house, and Erik and I didn’t either. Besides, that was a period filled with many beautiful things, so I see no reason to replace the furniture with more modern pieces, which I think are much uglier,’ he said, running his hand over an elegant tallboy.
They sat down on a sofa with brown upholstery. It wasn’t particularly comfortable, and it forced them to sit up nice and straight.
‘You wanted to ask me something?’ said Axel kindly, but with a trace of impatience.
‘Yes, that’s right,’ said Erica, suddenly feeling embarrassed. This was the second time she’d come here and bothered Axel with her questions, when he had so many other things to worry about. But as before, she decided that, since she was here, she might as well find out what she wanted to know.
‘I’ve been doing some research into my mother’s life, and also about her friends: your brother, Frans Ringholm, and Britta Johansson.’
Axel nodded, twiddling his thumbs as he waited for her to go on.