As if in slow motion she undid her seat belt and opened the car door, leaving it wide open after she climbed out. With a feeling of impending doom she walked very slowly towards the accident scene.
The first thing she saw was the blood. The red running from his head onto the asphalt and spreading out in a wide circle around his hair. The second thing she saw were his eyes. Wide open, dead.
A man was heading towards her. His arms ready to stop her. His mouth moved, said something. She ignored the man and continued straight ahead. She fell heavily to her knees next to Morgan. She placed his head on her lap and held it close, without caring about the blood that was still trickling out and now wetting her trousers. Then she heard the wail. She wondered who could sound so sad, so full of pain. Then she realized it was herself.
They had driven faster than the speed limit all the way to Uddevalla. Lilian had assured them that Albin was safe with Veronika and Frida, so they could drive directly to the hospital from the police station. Charlotte hoped that they wouldn't arrive too late. Her mother had sounded as if Stig's life hung by a thread, and she caught herself clasping her hands as if in prayer, although she was not a religious person.
Stig was the friendliest person she had ever met. She realized only now how fond of him she'd grown during the time they had lived with him and Lilian. She'd met him before that, of course, but it was always during such brief visits. She didn't really get to know him until they moved in. Much of her warm feeling was based on the fact that he and Sara had been so close. He'd been able to coax out the good from her daughter, favourable traits that Charlotte had always known existed but couldn't reach. Sara was never insolent to Stig, she never burst out in a rage, she didn't jump around like a crazy person, incapable of controlling her energy. With him she sat calmly on the edge of the bed and held his hand, telling him about her day at school. Charlotte had never ceased to be amazed at how Sara behaved when she was with Stig, and now she sincerely regretted not having told him that. She realized she had hardly even spoken to him since Sara died. She had been so immersed in her own grief that she hadn't even thought of his. He must have been heartbroken as he lay upstairs in his room, sick and in pain and with only his own thoughts to keep him company. She should have at least gone up to see him and have a talk.
As soon as the car stopped in the car park, Charlotte jumped out. She ran towards the entrance and didn't wait for Niclas. He knew his way around the hospital better than she did, so he would soon catch up.
'Charlotte!' Lilian came towards her with arms outstretched as she entered the waiting room. Her mother was sobbing, and everyone turned to look at her. People crying had the same effect on their fellow human beings as car crashes. Nobody could help looking.
Charlotte awkwardly patted her mother on the back. Lilian had never been particularly demonstrative, and physical contact with her felt unusual.
'Oh, Charlotte, it was dreadful! I went up to bring him some tea and he was completely out of it! I called his name and tried to shake him, but I got no response at all. And nobody can tell me what was wrong with him. He's in intensive care and they won't let me see him. Shouldn't I be allowed to be with him? And what if he dies!'
Lilian shrieked so loudly it was heard all over the room, and for a moment Charlotte was embarrassed to have everyone looking at them. Then she pulled herself together and reminded herself that her mother had always had a tendency towards the dramatic, but that didn't make her worry any less genuine.
'Sit down and I'll go see whether I can find us a cup of coffee. Niclas will be here soon, and he can probably find out something in no time. They're his old colleagues, after all.'
'Do you think so?' said Lilian, clinging to her daughter's arm.
'Certainly,' said Charlotte, carefully loosening Lilian's grip. It actually surprised her how calm and secure she felt. The loss of Sara had dulled her emotions, which made her able to think practically despite her own concern about Stig.
Gratefully she saw Niclas enter the waiting room, and she met him at the door.
'Mamma is hysterical. I'll go and fetch some coffee for all of us. I promised her that you would try to find out more about what's happening with Stig.'
Niclas nodded. He raised his hand and caressed Charlotte's cheek. The unaccustomed gesture made her flinch. She couldn't really remember him ever touching her with such tenderness.
'How are you holding up?' he asked her with genuine concern, and despite the sadness of the situation she felt something like joy blossom in her heart.
'I'm doing all right,' she replied, smiling at him as a sign that she wasn't going to break down.
'Are you sure?'
'I'm sure. Go talk to your colleagues now, so we can get some straight answers.'
He did as she said. A while later, as she and Lilian were sitting together sipping their coffee, he came back and sat down next to them.
'Well? Did you find out anything?' said Charlotte, trying by sheer force of will to make him say something positive. Unfortunately it didn't work.
Niclas's face was grim when he said, 'I'm afraid we have to prepare for the worst. They're doing what they can, but they're not sure that Stig will live out the day. We just have to wait and see.'
Lilian gasped and threw her arms round Niclas's neck. Feeling just as awkward as Charlotte, he tried to console her by patting her back. Charlotte had a sense of deja vu. Lilian had been in this same state when Charlotte's father died, and the doctors ended up giving her a sedative so she wouldn't totally fall apart. The whole thing was so unfair. Losing one husband was bad enough. Charlotte turned to Niclas.
'Couldn't they tell you anything about what's wrong with him?'
'They doing lots of tests and will probably work out eventually what it is. But right now the most important thing is to keep him alive long enough to be able to find the proper treatment. As things look now, it could be anything from cancer to some viral infection. All they said was that he should have come to the hospital long ago.'
Charlotte saw the guilt flicker like a shadow across his face. She leaned her head against his shoulder.
'You're only human, Niclas. Stig didn't want to go to the hospital, and it didn't seem dangerous when you examined him, did it? He was up now and then and seemed fairly spry, and he said himself that he didn't have much pain.'
'I shouldn't have listened to him. Damn it, I'm a doctor, I should have known better.'
'Don't forget that we've had a few other things on our minds,' Charlotte said in a low voice, but Lilian still heard her.
'Why does all the misfortune in the world have to descend on us? First Sara, and now Stig,' she wailed, blowing her nose in the paper napkin that Charlotte had given her. People in the waiting room who had gone back to reading their magazines now looked at them again. Charlotte felt irritation seize hold of her.
'You have to pull yourself together. The doctors are doing all they can,' she said, trying to make her voice as soothing as possible, without taking the force out of what she said. Lilian gave her an injured look, but obeyed and stopped sniffling.
Charlotte sighed and rolled her eyes at Niclas. She didn't doubt that her mother's distress about Stig was genuine, but her tendency to turn every situation into a drama starring herself was incredibly trying. Lilian had always thrived when she was the centre of attention, and she used every means at her disposal to achieve that position, even in a situation like this. That was just how she was, and Charlotte struggled to accept it and conceal her vexation. This time her mother's suffering was real.