Had he given up his life to save others? Had he died to truly live?

If so, great. Wonderful. But what did any of that mean? I hadn’t known before, and I certainly didn’t know now.

I tweaked my newest to-do list. Pray for the best. Hope answers rain down.

Outside, tires squealed. A door slammed.

I frowned and stalked to the window to peer out.

Because of the shape of the house, the driveway was hidden and I couldn’t see the car. Or, apparently, the person who’d abandoned it to stomp to our porch and pound on the door.

“Ali,” a voice called. “I just heard.”

My heart nearly leaped into my throat. Cole? He hadn’t cut me from his life?

I rushed to the entrance and opened up. He burst inside, paused in front of me. He looked me over, and I did the same to him. His eyes were bloodshot—clearly, he hadn’t slept. His face was battered and bruised, his stitches stark. His clothes were wrinkled and it was obvious he’d pulled them on hastily.

“I didn’t say a word to them,” he said.

“I know. They had a video.”

One of his brows rose into an arch. “So you got to see what happened?”

I nodded, unable to hide my growing shame.

He cupped my cheeks as if he still had every right to touch me. My chin trembled—no! no more tears—and I battled the urge to lean into him, to rest my head on his shoulder and draw from his strength. I pulled away, severing contact.

His expression hardened.

“All right, well.” Nana cleared her throat before gathering her purse and keys. “I’m headed to Target to pick up the things we’re going to need. You two obviously have a few issues to work out.”

“I don’t need anything,” I assured her.

She kissed me on the cheek, patted Cole on the arm and left us alone.

“I’ll talk to Ankh,” Cole said, shutting and locking the door.

“No. Don’t. I’m furious for what he’s done to Nana, but I do understand what he’s done to me. I attacked you, Cole. Like, I planned to eat the life out of your spirit.”

“I don’t care about that.”

“Well, I do.”

He waved the words away. “You weren’t in your right mind.”

“What about the other thing? I bit a freaking zombie. No telling what other damage that’s caused inside me, or just how tainted I am now. I don’t know what to do, or how to fix myself. Not really. I mean, the journal said I needed the fire, but I tried that and nothing happened, and now my fire is red. And did you hear the part about my being tainted?”

“Wait. You tried to fix yourself with your fire?”

Uh-oh.

“You actually tried to kill the zombie—you. And we were, what? Just supposed to find your ashes, never wonder what had happened and move on?”

“You had already moved on,” I countered. “And you would have had answers.” Sort of. “I left a note.”

His sights narrowed on me as he walked toward me. I backed up. He was so much taller than me, so much wider, he dwarfed me in every possible way. “I am so angry with you right now, I don’t even know what to say.” He picked me up by the waist, unnerving me enough to swallow my protest, and hefted me onto the counter. Then he nudged my legs apart and edged closer to me, staring into my eyes with unmatched determination.

His heat surrounded me, irresistibly delicious. For the first time since Mr. Holland and Mr. Ankh had burst into my room, I felt warm.

Concentrate. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“You thought wrong. And you’re not tainted.”

“I am.” I flattened my hands on his shoulders. To push him away or draw him closer, I wasn’t yet sure. I hadn’t forgotten what he’d done with Veronica, and I wasn’t sure I could ever forget. “Look. I’m trying to stay away from you. That’s what you wanted, and that’s what I’d like. You’re making it difficult.”

Anguish filled his eyes. “I know. But I’m not leaving until I know you’re all right, and you understand you’re not tainted.”

This. This was the boy I’d dated. Concerned. Kind. Willing to fight to stay.

I wanted him back.

I couldn’t have him back. Not permanently.

“Sorry, but I don’t and won’t understand any such thing. My dad was a slayer and apparently my mom was, too, though she didn’t know it, and we’ve all heard the saying about being high and falling hard. With all my abilities...”

“Hey, I’m right there with you. My mom was a slayer, too.”

Astonished, I said, “Both of your parents were slayers? Wow. Okay. I wasn’t expecting that. Do you think it’s why we had the visions?”

“Maybe. Gavin is the only other slayer I know with a double lineage. But then again, he and I never had a vision. Until you.”

My breath caught in my throat. “You guys had a vision?”

He nodded stiffly.

My fingernails dug his shirt into his skin. “When? What did you see?”

He set his hands beside my thighs, as if he couldn’t trust himself to touch me. “We saw...you. We came through a doorway, and you came running when you spotted us. You smiled and you jumped into his arms. His. Not mine. You chose him, and even kissed the hell out of him right in front of me.”

“When did this vision happen?” I insisted.

“The morning I ended things with you. I was so worried about you, on edge, and then he came in the room, and our eyes met, and there it was. The vision.” He pressed his forehead against my sternum. “It was terrible, Ali. I reacted the same way I would have if you’d just cheated on me. I wanted to kill Gavin, and I’m not talking figuratively. I wanted to shake you, then kiss you, then force you to make promises I was sure you couldn’t keep.”

Emotion clogged in my throat. I could imagine the pain and betrayal he must have felt—because I would have felt them, too. “Have you guys had another vision?”

“No.”

I thought I’d nixed my wall theory, but...walls could have fallen amid his concern for me, and then gone back up amid his anger. If so, that would mean my walls kept falling, too. At least with Gavin. What did that mean?

“Why didn’t you tell me this had happened?” I asked.

“I didn’t tell you a lot of things,” he replied darkly.

“Like?”

“Like...” He tangled his fingers in his hair, tugged on the strands, as if to rip them free. With a bitter laugh, he said, “Why not? What I’ve done so far has only made things worse. I’m miserable. You’re miserable. Why not try a new path?”

“Cole! Please.” My patience was already in tatters.

He closed his eyes, said flatly, “There’s a spy among us.”

“I know. I saw him—”

“No. In our group.” He pinned me with a gaze that failed to hide the torment inside him. “It’s one of us. Someone we trust. I’ve known for a while.”

“I know that much, too. So I ask again, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Wait. How did you know?”

“Emma.”

“I should have guessed.” He pushed out a breath. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to ruin someone’s good name before I had proof. And I didn’t want to make you suspicious of everyone and ruin your relationship with the slayers who had only just begun to accept you. And what if the spy found out you suspected something? What would happen to you then? You’d be in constant danger, someone desperate to shut you up.”

I couldn’t argue with his logic. “Why tell me now?”

“Now your relationship with the others is ruined anyway. Ankh and my father will show everyone the video. They’ll want the group to know why you’re to be avoided.”

That was for the best. And yet it still hurt, knowing I would lose so many people I cared about, all in one swoop. “How do you know there’s a spy?”

“Justin called me, told me someone was feeding information to Anima Industries. Information only a person on the inside could have. Meeting times. Injuries we’d sustained. Snippets of conversation we’d had.”

Justin had called him. I wondered what else Puppy Dog Eyes had lied to me about. “I just... I can’t imagine any of the slayers doing it.”