Jake’s smile faded. He took a deep breath and said, “I’m quitting the force.”

That was a shocker. I didn’t know what to say.

“It’s the right thing to do,” he said. “The honorable thing. The lies, the double life -- you were right. I’ve compromised my position.”

Continuing to see things in black-and-white, career change notwithstanding. No one judged himself more harshly than Jake. “What will you do?”

“I’m thinking of going into the private sector.”

Again, I couldn’t think of anything to say. I couldn’t picture him as…what? Security guard in a bank? Armored car driver?

Into my silence he smiled sheepishly and said, “I was thinking of opening my own agency.”

“You mean like a PI?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. Sam Spade.”

It seemed unreal. I couldn’t imagine Jake as anything but a cop.

He was watching my expression. “I don’t want to hit you with too much at once.”

“There’s more?” I smiled but I felt cold inside -- like the hypothermic chill that hits you after major surgery.

“I don’t know if this matters to you or not. I mean, matters in the same way it would have once.”

I swallowed hard. Closed my eyes to keep him from seeing what I was feeling.

He said steadily, “I’ve asked Kate for a divorce. I told her the truth. All of it. Everything.”

I gritted my jaw hard.

“I talked to my family. I told them that I’m homosexual.”

My jaw ached but I couldn’t prevent moisture from leaking out beneath my lashes and itching its way down my face.

He said, “Does that still mean anything to you?”

I opened my eyes. Saw his expression through the prism of unshed tears, and took a deep, unsteady breath.

“Yeah,” I said. “It means something.”

THE END

 

 

 

 

Josh Lanyon

 

Josh Lanyon is the author of four Adrien English mystery novels. THE HELL YOU SAY was nominated for a Lambda Literary Award and is the winner of the 2006 USABookNews awards for GLBT fiction. Josh lives in Los Angeles, California, and is currently at work on his next book, THE GHOST WORE YELLOW SOCKS.