I lock my feet together behind his ass and close my eyes as he makes love to me, touching and kissing every single place on my body that he can get to at the moment.

He’s so quiet; too quiet, and I don’t know what to make of it.

“Royal,” I whisper.

“Shhh . . .” he says against my lips.

I shake my head and grab onto his hair as he starts moving a little faster. “I need . . .” I whisper. “I need to tell–”

“What,” he asks, cutting me off. “Am I hurting you? Does your head hurt?”

I shake my head.

“Then close your eyes, baby.” He leans in to whisper in my ear. “I need you to feel this right now. Just feel me . . .”

I grip onto him tighter, closing my eyes and letting him slowly take me. He’s moving so slowly that I can barely handle it. It feels too good. I can feel every single inch of him each time that he pulls out and moves back in. It’s the most intense pleasure I’ve ever felt in my life.

“Come with me,” he whispers into my neck. “I want to feel you squeeze my dick.”

“Okay,” I whisper. “I feel it.”

He thrusts in a few more times, before we both come undone, holding each other as we ride out our orgasms, both of us breathing heavily against each other’s mouths.

His hands move up my neck, to push my hair out of my face. “I think you’re okay to sleep now. It’s been close to six hours.” He leans in and kisses my forehead. “I’ll let you get some rest.”

I move my hands to cup his face. He closes his eyes as I rub my fingertips underneath them. “Royal . . .” I brush my lips across his face, stopping to whisper in his ear. “I’ve fallen in love with you. I love you and I’m hoping one day you can learn to love me back.”

He pulls away from me. “Avalon . . . don’t . . .”

“I know,” I say. “I know it’s not easy for you. It’s okay,” I whisper. “It’s okay.”

He rolls over and sits up on the side of the bed. “Fuck,” he whispers. He runs his hands over his face, before standing up and getting dressed. “I shouldn’t have let it get this far.”

He starts pacing around the room.

“Royal.” I sit up and cover myself up with the sheet. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t keep it inside anymore. I. Love. You. You’re good. You’re so good to me. No one has ever made me feel this way. I wish you could see that.”

He stops pacing and stops next to the dresser, gripping the edge of it. “You can’t,” he growls out. “I need to go.”

Fear rushes through me as soon as he mentions leaving. “Please don’t say that. Don’t leave.”

“I have to,” he whispers.

I quickly jump to my feet and grab his arm to make him look at me. “No you don’t, Royal. You don’t have to go anywhere. Stay here. Stay here with me.”

“You don’t understand.” He yanks his arm away from me and zips up his jeans. “Dammit, Avalon. It’s not that fucking easy.” He backs me up against the wall and pins me in. “You make me feel. I never thought I’d feel again, but here you are, making me think that maybe there’s a chance for me to be human; a chance at me being me again. Do you get that? Do you get how impossible that is?”

I shake my head and wrap my arms around his neck. “It’s not impossible,” I say. “You’re not some fucking monster like you say you are. You’re capable of love.”

He yanks my arms from his neck and backs away from me, gripping at his hair. “No, I’m not.”

I rush over to the bed and yank the sheet off, wrapping it around my body as Royal heads for the door. “You are, dammit!”

I follow him up the stairs, not willing to give up on him.

“I need this,” he says when he reaches the front door. He stops and grips the door handle, but doesn’t turn to look at me. “I can’t fucking hurt you,” he says firmly. “I can never fucking be who you need or want me to be. I’m too fucked up!”

He turns to look at me, and rushes over to grab my face when he sees the tears flowing down my face. “Don’t fucking cry. Please don’t cry. Fuck!” He brushes his face over mine, while gripping at my hair. “I need you to understand why I need to do this.”

“No.” I grip his hands and push him away from me. “I can’t, because I don’t want you to leave me! I don’t want you to leave here. I need you!”

He shakes his head and grips at his hair again, as he starts backing up toward the door. “I can’t be that right now. I don’t know if I ever can.”

He runs his hand over his face, looks me in the eyes, and then walks over to kiss me. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I let everyone down. This will hurt the least . . . I promise.”

With that, he turns and walks away, leaving me standing here in shock.

I can’t move. I just stand here and stare at the door, as if he’s going to turn back around and run at me, pulling me back into his strong arms.

He doesn’t . . .

I finally force my legs to work and run out the door, just in time to see him pulling away.

I run after the truck, screaming as the tears run down my face. “Don’t fucking leave,” I cry. “Please! Don’t leave me.”

He’s already too far gone, and the reality starts to set in at the fact that I have no idea when I’ll see him again; if I’ll see him again.

I fall down to the ground and grip at the sheet as the tears fall and I fight to breathe.

I feel a set of arms grab at me from behind, before I hear Jax whispering things that I can’t manage to put together.

“He needs time,” he whispers. “He’ll be back. He won’t leave you for good. He can’t, and the only reason why he’s leaving you at all is because he knows I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of you, girl.” He pulls me into his arms and covers my head so that it’s buried into his chest. “We just don’t know when he’ll get his head together and come back. We never do . . .”

I grab onto him and cry.

It’s all I can do . . .

Two Weeks Later . . .

WALKING TOWARD THE DOOR TO leave, I feel a strong ache in my chest over the absence of Royal and the fact that no one has heard from him yet.

I never thought it would hurt this much to lose someone. I never thought I’d be one of those lucky people to find and care about someone so much that it would kill me if I ever lost that person.

Royal has opened my heart to him, made me fall madly in love with him, and then took off, taking my crushed heart with him.

I’m not going to lie; eating and sleeping has been a hard task since that night, and I’ve been checking my phone about every damn minute, waiting and hoping that he’ll respond to one of my many calls and messages and put me out of my misery.

The boys tell me not to worry. They tell me that he’s strong . . . that he’ll be okay, and that he just needs time to get his head straight.

Well . . . what if he never gets it straight? What if he realizes that he can’t open his heart up to me? What if . . .

I can’t stop wondering about the what ifs, and it’s slowly breaking me down little by little, making me lose hope that I’ll ever get to feel his lips against mine, feel the warmth of his arms around me, or the feel of his soft breath against my neck . . . All of these things I miss so much that it hurts to breathe.

Madison looks up from the couch as I walk through the living room, past her. “You okay, honey? You want me to go with you?”

I shake my head. “No, I’m not okay, but I will be.” I grip the door handle to open it, but then stop to look back at her. “I’m going to see Mark. He’s at work but wants me to meet him at that foster care place.” I blow a strand of loose hair out of my face. “I can’t remember the name, but I know where it’s at. I’m fine to go alone. I’ll just see you later. Thanks though.”