This is my fucking life.

Screaming out, I clutch the half bottle of whiskey in my hand and toss it at the wall. The bottle shatters into sharp pieces that land at the foot of the wooden crib I put together just days before Olivia died.

I numbly watch with tears stinging the back of my eyes as the amber liquid spreads across the floor, running to my feet and wetting my boots.

Leaning my head back, I squeeze the gun in my hand and let my eyes close as my whole chest begins to burn. I can barely fucking breathe right now and I’m not sure if I even deserve to.

“Whoa! What the fuck!” Blaine yells from the open door. “Put that shit down.”

I sit up and open my eyes to look at Blaine. “Relax. I’m not going to shoot myself. Fuck, I’m not that fucked up. Not yet at least.”

“Good. Now get the fuck up!” Blaine says in a rush, while painfully looking around the room. “I’ve been looking for you for over a fucking hour and have been calling your ass nonstop. We’ve got to go. Now.”

I reach into my pocket and pull out a cigarette. This motherfucker has bad timing. Always. “My phone died. It’s downstairs on the damn charger. What the fuck do you want? I’m busy drowning in my fucking sorrows.” I motion around the room with one hand, while placing the smoke between my lips. “Can’t you see?”

Blaine’s jaw clenches as his eyes meet mine. He looks extremely pissed and anxious. “It’s Brian, dickweed.” My heart fucking stops at the mention of that name, and suddenly I’m done drowning in my sorrows. “Cole said he spotted him an hour ago over at Happy’s Lounge. Cole is there now, keeping his eye out for him to leave. We need to be prepared before he fucking skips town again.”

“Fucking shit!” With my head spinning, I jump to my feet and rush past Blaine. “I need to call Jax.”

“We don’t have time for that shit,” Blaine points out. “What the hell.” He grabs at my arm in an attempt to stop me from going downstairs for my phone. “That’s not important, dammit!”

I turn back and growl at him, before pushing past him. “The fuck it isn’t. Avalon, man. Fucking Avalon.”

His face changes, finally understanding what the hell I need my phone for. If this shit is going down, I need Avalon in the safest hands I can get her in. I don’t trust anything not to happen to her.

Yanking my phone off the charger, I run up the stairs, while giving Jax’s phone a call. He picks up on the second ring.

“I need you to get to Avalon’s work and pick her up. Take her away for the night. Got it.”

“Oh fuck,” he says, fully aware of what’s about to go down. “What time can she get off?”

I pull my phone away and glance down at the time. “A little over an hour, but I don’t give a shit. Make her leave now.”

“On it. You just take care of what needs to be done.”

“Plan to.”

Rushing outside, I slam the door behind me and jump into Blaine’s truck.

He offers me a quick glance, before pulling off and heading for Happy’s.

I look down at my phone in my hand and take a second to look through my phone to see four missed calls from Avalon.

“Shit,” I mutter, while calling her back. I don’t like that one bit. She’s never called me. Ever.

Avalon picks up on the first ring. “Royal? I’ve been looking for you. We need to–”

“I need you to go with Jax,” I blurt out, cutting her off. “Don’t ask any questions. Just get on his bike and leave when he picks you up.”

“Royal. What is going on? Are you okay? Are you hurt?” She asks in a panic. “Tell me where you are. Please. I need to see you.”

I shake my head. “No. You can’t. Not for a while. I just need you to go with Jax.”

“I know,” she blurts out. “I know what happened to those men that murdered Olivia and it doesn’t matter to me. You didn’t do anything wrong. Please just see me. I need to see you. Royal. Royal.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “Just fucking go with Jax. That’s all I’m asking you. Trust me. Please promise me you’ll go with Jax.”

She’s silent for a few seconds and it almost sounds as if she’s crying. “Dammit, Royal. I promise.”

“Thank you.”

Before I let myself get too wrapped up in Avalon, I hang up the phone and look over at Blaine. “Let’s do this, Brother.”

Blaine grips my shoulder and turns back to the road.

Now all there is to do is wait . . .

I FEEL COMPLTELY SICK TO my stomach as I gather my belongings in a hurry.

I have no clue what is going on or why Royal asked me to leave with Jax when he gets here, but my gut is telling me to listen to him and hope that nothing is going to happen to him.

“Ellie, I need you to close up for me tonight. I’m suddenly not feeling well. Can you do that?”

She looks away from her customer and nods her head at me. “Yeah, I can take care of it tonight. Go home and get some rest.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

I open the door when I see a set of headlights outside, thinking that maybe Jax drives a car that I don’t know about.

Slowly walking closer, I finally see that it’s Colton’s car.

“What the hell?”

Gripping my purse, I walk up to the driver’s side window and lean my arm over the top of the glass. “What do you want, Colton?”

His eyes look pained as he looks my face over, stopping when his eyes land on my lips. “I can’t stop thinking about you. I miss you so damn much, babe.”

“Now is not the time for this,” I say softly. “Please don’t do this right now.”

He reaches out the window and grabs my hand. “Will you give me two minutes? Please. I just need to talk to you and find some kind of closure. That’s all I’m asking.”

Sucking in a frustrated breath, I look around me to see if Jax is anywhere. The small parking lot is empty besides who’s inside the building. “Fine, Colton. You get two minutes.”

I hear the sound of his doors unlocking as I walk around to the passenger side and jump inside.

He smiles weakly and places his hand over mine. “You look beautiful.”

“Let’s just talk about what you came here to talk about. Got it?” I yank my hand away. “Okay?”

“Yeah, alright.”

He shifts the car into drive and slowly starts driving through the parking lot.

“Colton,” I warn him. “I didn’t say I would go anywhere with you. I said we could talk.”

“It’s fine,” he says, while pulling out into traffic. “We’re just going around the block. Sitting here is making me nervous. The last thing I need is for Royal to show up.”

“Dammit, Colton. Just hurry so you can drop me off.”

“Don’t you miss us?” He questions, while glancing over at me. “Do you think about us and what he had at all?”

I shake my head and answer him honestly. I won’t lie to make him feel better. That’s not me. “No. I don’t think about you, Colton. We didn’t belong together. I don’t understand why you think we do.”

“We were good together,” he snaps. “I gave you six fucking months and you just walk away for my brother.” He punches the steering wheel, before fighting to catch his cool. “Sorry.”

“Colton. Pull back into my work now,” I demand. “I don’t like this.” I reach for the door handle when he goes right past the entrance of the parking lot. “Let me the fuck out.”

“Not yet, Marie.” He grips my hand and holds it away from the door, while swerving through traffic. “We’re not done talking. Just give me time.”

“Yes the fuck we are!” I yell, while trying to break my hands free. “Now stop the fucking car. Stop right now. Stop!”

“I said no. Fuck! Please just look at me. You have no idea how messed up this is for me. It’s keeping me up at night.”

My hearts starts racing and I begin screaming at the top of my lungs, and trying to roll down the window, when I hear the sound of a motorcycle close by.