I turned and looked back at the room I’d stayed in one last time. I would miss the feeling of security this place had given me. I was even going to miss Jay and his grandparents and the staff. I really hoped I wouldn’t regret not taking the easy way out by staying here with Jay.

Someone tapped on the door. It wasn’t Mason as I’d expected, but Jay, looking very somber to see I was packed up and ready to leave.

“About that time?” he asked, pointing at the backpacks.

I nodded, allowing him to wrap his arms around me. I patted his back, trying to offer him some comfort. I knew there was something between us, just maybe not the same thing he thought.

“You know how to get in touch with me. I want you to be safe. Call me if you ever need anything?” He held my face between his hands, his eyes showing the regret that pained him for not being able to convince me to stay.

“I will,” I promised him. “You really are amazing, Jay.”

“Not enough or you would be staying here with me…not leaving with Mason.” He reluctantly smiled.

“Jay, don’t take it personal. Anyone would be lucky to be with someone like you. It’s just not in the cards for me. I have to finish this mess. Mason and I both do,” I insisted.

I knew I couldn’t start a new life without ending my old one.

“I don’t want to scare you, but what exactly do you think is waiting back home for you?” He searched my eyes.

I sighed, not even sure myself. “Meaning.” I kissed his cheek and picked up my things from the floor.

“That doesn’t make sense,” he said.

“I want to know what the point was to all of this. I want to know if I was better off living the life I have rather than the one I left behind,” I told him.

“And what does that help?” Jay scratched his head, confused. It was okay if he didn’t understand.

“It makes everything worth it. It helps me move on and deal with what is to come, whatever it may be. I had no choice. Maybe I am everything I was sure I’d never be.” I looked back at Jay and smiled.

“Bye, Kendall.”

I waved. “Bye, Jay.”

I started down the stairs ready to go to that little place Mason and I called home.

JULY 22

ND

I FELT LIKE A BIRD touching down from a glorious flight. When you’re above the world, everything below seems so insignificant. I was untouchable for the moment and somewhat detached from the world.

But that soon ended and we touched down in the small airport an hour away from Gusby. We were one of the thirteen colonies to declare our independence from the British Crown. The first state to vote to secede from the union—and I knew this because everyone in my family made it a point to say it at every arrest or big gathering just before a fight was about to break out. I think it gave them a feeling of importance.

We had the Atlantic Ocean. We had beautiful mountains that took your breath away. We had salt marshes and estuaries, swamp lands, and even farms. It could be a lovely place to live.

Oh, and we had heat.

“It’s as hot as the hinges of hell,” Mason said, hopping down from the steps of the jet. He nodded at the pilot and doorman as we headed toward the bus stop.

I ignored him, collecting my things, and I gave the jet one final look before we were gone for good from this little taste of luxury.

“It’s as hot as Hades,” I said, finally giving in and playing along with Mason.

He brought a hand to his hip taking everything in. His hair blew lazily in the heat.

“It’s as hot as a two dollar whore on the Fourth of July,” he shot back with a grin. It was the kind of grin that told me part of Mason felt good to be home.

I drew in my bottom lip trying to come up with something to top his. “It’s as hot as a billy goat in a pepper patch.” I laughed. We both took a seat on the lone bus bench. The cracked and peeling red paint crackled beneath my legs.

Mason handed me my sunglasses. We were trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. You never knew who you might run into. And everyone in Gusby knew everyone. We weren’t sure if that was the same for us—two kids that hadn’t been back in over a decade.

“It’s as hot as a summer revival,” Mason said, tapping my leg as a signal to try and outdo him. He leaned back, his arm slipping around me.

“Uh, let’s see,” I said. “It’s hot enough to melt the nuts off a brass monkey.”

We both laughed. The tension finally faded away as the bus came to a screeching halt in front of us.

The bus driver opened the door with one smooth move. He nodded his head at the two of us as we got on the bus. I gripped the seats one after the other, following Mason to the back.

I sat down first. We both stayed quiet as a guy in a seat closer to the front looked at us. I held my breath, hoping he didn’t know who we were. I feared we might be plastered in black and white all over Gusby. I imagined flyers covered with our images showing we were wanted for robbery and murder littering the streets. But the guy only nodded his head in our direction and went back to thumbing through the paper on his lap.

He threw his feet up on the seat in front of him. His dirty black boots cried out for a good spit shine or garbage can I thought to myself.

“It’s hotter than two gophers fucking in a wool sack,” Mason said, pulling at his collar.

I rolled my eyes. I was done with the hotter game. I was sweating like mad and wished we hadn’t left the air-conditioned jet.

Suddenly a loud noise came from Mason. I jumped, unsure what it was. He slipped a cell phone free from his pants pocket.

“Jay gave it to me. It’s legit,” he said, pushing me as he answered it. “’Sup, my main man.”

I stared out the window while Mason yucked it up. I knew it was Jay calling to check up on us.

I was nervous, more nervous than I’d ever been. Aunt Wanda warned me to never come back to Gusby. But I did because Mason and I both realized the best place to go out was where we came from. I had no favorite spots. I didn’t have some favorite state somewhere. This was home.

I wanted to feel like I belonged before everything ended for me—because that was a real possibility. I wanted to see what happened to everyone. I even wanted to see my old house.

Mason nudged me, pushing the phone against my arm. I took it and brought it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey, gorgeous. How you feeling?” Jay’s warm voice sent an immediate pang of guilt and regret through me.

“Hey, handsome,” I said back.

“So is it all you thought it was going to be?” he asked, waiting for my answer.

“I don’t know yet. We’re still on the bus.” I looked at Mason. He smiled and pushed past me to see out the window.

“I was thinking about you. I’m glad you made it safe. I hate to sound like a sap, but I miss you.” He laughed, sounding embarrassed to have admitted such a thing.

“Thanks for saying that,” I told him. My cheeks warmed.

“I’m serious. I think you’re an amazing girl. The little I learned about you was remarkable. There’s nobody like you and I am going to be kicking myself for the rest of my life for letting you get away.”

I smiled. It felt good to hear someone talk so highly of me.

“Hey, we’re close to our stop. I’ll call you tonight maybe.” I remembered the old stop sign by the old pharmacy in town.

“Huckabees,” Mason said, jumping out of his seat. The kid in the front looked at him like he was nuts.

I said goodbye to Jay and snagged Mason by the arm so he would calm down.

“I want to hump you at Huckabees,” Mason said as he kissed my cheek.

I swatted him off of me, annoyed with his overly aggressive lips. The stubble of his chin scratched my face.