“All we have to do is go straight. The cabin’s that way. We’ll go straight for—”

“Which way’s straight? That way? That way? That way? It all looks straight to me!”

I punched the gas, and the tail end of the Lexus fishtailed. Letting off, I pressed more gently, and the tires found the pavement and gave us solid forward momentum. At forty miles an hour, I turned into the desert. The tires sank into the powder, and our speed slowed to thirty. The snow was twice as deep as on the road, and though I felt we might lose traction at any second, I maintained control. Steering between sagebrush, I squinted through the windshield, looking for that long, straight swath of white that would be unmarred by vegetation. It would extend westward, a thin white ribbon in the snow, and we’d follow it and find the cabin.

Orson gaped at me.

“You see anything?” I asked. “You looking?” The engine labored to keep the wheels turning, and the speedometer needle jigged between twenty and twenty-five. I watched it uneasily.

“Circle back,” he said. “Do it now and we might reach the highway. But if you let this car stop out here, we don’t have a prayer.”

“Look for the dirt road,” I said.

“Andy—”

“Look for the fucking road!”

Four minutes passed before I realized he was right. I couldn’t see farther than fifty feet beyond the hood of the car, and with the needle hovering at ten, I doubted if we had had the velocity to return to the highway.

“We’ll go back,” I said, easing the steering wheel to the right.

The back end jinked left and the tires instantly lost traction. Panicking, I stomped the gas, and the car spun 360 degrees. By the time I’d backed off the accelerator, our speed had dropped under five miles an hour, and there was nothing I could do to regain it. The Lexus came to rest against a shrub of sagebrush.

“It’s fine,” I said. “Don’t say anything.”

Touching the gas gingerly, the tires spun, but they didn’t achieve traction. I clenched the steering wheel and pushed the pedal into the floor. The engine roared and the tires spewed up a load of snow, and, for a second, dirt. The Lexus surged forward into fresh snow, and I shoved my foot harder into the pedal until the rpm indicator redlined, and I could smell the engine cooking. But the tires never met the ground again, and after I’d overheated the engine, I turned off the car and jerked the keys from the ignition.

I opened my door and ran out into the storm. At fifty miles an hour, snowflakes become cold needles, and they relentlessly pricked my face. I bent down and scraped through six inches of powder, thinking, Maybe I’m standing on the dirt road. My hands ached as I clawed through the snow, and I reached the dirt finally, but it was too loose to be a road.

Staring up into the raging white fog, I screamed until my throat burned. My face stung from the cold, and the snow seeped through my sneakers. This isn’t happening, I thought, the dread of being stranded out here with him beginning to suffocate me. This cannot be real.

32

I climbed back into the Lexus and shed my wet clothes. Throwing them onto the floorboard of the backseat, I opened my suitcase and put on a clean pair of underwear, a sweatsuit I’d packed to sleep in, and two pairs of socks.

“Should I turn the car on?” I asked. “Will that run down the battery?”

“It shouldn’t. But leave it off for now, at least till it’s pitch-black out there. We’ll need it to run all night for the heat.” He leaned against the window, still haggard and sluggish from the drug. “How are we on gas?”

“Half a tank.”

Orson brought his legs up into the seat and turned over on his side, his back to me.

“You cold?” I asked.

“A little.”

From Walter’s suitcase, I grabbed a pair of sweatpants, wool socks, and a gray sweatshirt featuring the UNC insignia in Carolina blue. Placing them across Orson’s lap, I picked up the Glock, which had been at my feet, and took the handcuff key from my pocket.

“I’m gonna uncuff you so you can get out of that nasty robe,” I said. “Then they’re going right back on.” I unlocked the handcuffs and removed them from his wrists. Disrobing, he dropped the bathrobe at his feet and bundled up in Walter’s clothes. I moved to put the cuffs back on him, but he said, “Hold on a second,” and lowered his sweatpants so he could inspect the burn on his inner thigh. “It itches,” he said, and after he’d scratched around the perimeter of the peppermint patty–size blister, he pulled his sweatpants back up, placed his hands behind his back, and allowed me to cuff him.

I tilted my seat back and listened to the wind ravish the car. Lightning blinked against the snowy dusk; thunder promptly followed.

“Orson,” I said, “I want you to tell me why you killed our mother.”

“You know.”

He was right.

“I want you to say it. I’d have come after you for Walter’s family. Maybe just for me.”

“I’m sure you would have.”

“You’re an abomination. I’ve got another theory. Want to hear it?”

“Sure,” he said, staring into the storm.

“Because she brought you into this world.”

He looked at me like I’d caught him sniffing panties.

The temperature inside the car had already begun to plummet when I selected a box of Ritz crackers, a cylinder of provolone cheese, and a bottle of cabernet sauvignon from the stash of groceries.

“We aren’t gonna be able to drink this,” I said. “No corkscrew.”

“There’s a pocketknife with one on it in the glove compartment,” Orson said.

Finding the Swiss army knife under a stack of road maps, I uncorked the bottle and swilled the spicy wine. Then I tore open the box of crackers and lined them up on my legs.

“You hungry?” I asked, slicing into the smoked cheese with the dull blade. “Here.” Sandwiching a disk of provolone between two crackers, I placed it in his mouth. Then I lay back in my seat and watched the night come.

Once the windshield froze, the snow stuck to the glass. The wind blew so savagely that the flakes clung to every window, and within fifteen minutes, we could see nothing of the blizzard all around us. Only the constant shrieking and the cold, voracious energy confirmed its presence.

Orson noticed the bloody clothes beneath his feet.

“Andy,” he said, “is that Luther’s blood?” I nodded. “Wow. Where’d you do it? Ricki’s?”

“We were supposed to meet at nine. I went at six to leave a note with the barkeep that you couldn’t make it. Luther walked in as I was getting ready to leave. If he hadn’t come early—”

“He came early because he knew something wasn’t right.”

“How do you know?”

“He’s smart. But you were, too. You had your gun. Otherwise, you’d be dying right now.”

“Are you sad he’s gone?”

“No. And that’s nothing against him. We did a lot together.”

“Well, I’m delighted he’s dead.”

Orson smiled. “He’s wasn’t all that different from you, Andy.”

“Sure.”

“I happened to him like I happened to you. He just took to it a little faster.”

I stared at Orson, astounded.

“You know, you’ve done worse than kill me,” I said. “You’ve wrecked me. You’ve taken my mother, my best friend. I can’t go home. I can’t return from this.”

“No, I saved you, Andy. Your home was a sham. You no longer flit around like everyone else, blind to that black hole you call a heart. Be grateful. You now know what you’re capable of. Most people never do. But we live honestly, you and I. Truth, Andy. What did Keats say? It’s beauty. Not just pretty truth. We have black hearts, but they’re beautiful.”