“No,” she whispered, cupping my cheek. Her hand shook. “It was never like that with him. Maybe…maybe in the beginning I wanted it to be, because I was so confused about how I felt about you, but when he kissed me, I didn’t feel anything. Nothing. It wasn’t anything like when you kiss me.” Her hand slipped into my hair. “We only kissed that one time. He tried…he tried once more, but I stopped him.”

Tension poured into my muscles. “And did he stop?”

“Yes. I swear. He stopped.”

The relief was sweet, and I brought our mouths together once more. In between the kisses that unraveled me and then pieced me back together, I spoke things I never told anyone. How crazy I had felt after hearing Dawson was dead, and the hope I felt learning he had to be alive. I told her how badly I wished my parents were here and how sometimes I hated being the one who had to take care of things.

Everything I felt was in every touch, and even what I didn’t say was in the way my fingers brushed over the fragile bones of her rib cage. And with every breathy, soft moan that escaped her lips, I was snared in her web a little more.

My hands shook as they moved up, and I hoped she didn’t notice. I was blown away, shattered by what she allowed me to do. Pieces of our clothing disappeared. My shirt. Hers. Kat’s hand drifted down my stomach, and I clenched my jaw so hard I was sure I was going to be paying a visit to a dentist soon.

When her fingers found the button on my jeans, I was completely lost to her, but in a way I never, ever expected.

“You have no idea how badly I want this,” I told her, bringing the tips of my fingers down her chest and over her stomach. So beautiful. “I think I’ve actually dreamed about it. Crazy, huh?”

She ran the pads of her fingers down my cheek. I turned into the touch, pressing a kiss against the palm of her hand, and then I found her mouth again. This kiss was different, more intense, and Kat—aw, God—Kat came alive. Hips rocking together, our bodies fitted so tightly there was a good chance I would slip into my true form and knock out the power in the entire state.

Our explorations grew. Her hands were everywhere, and I urged her with words and touches to go further. Her leg curled around my hips—sweet baby Jesus—I was nearly undone.

With my name on her lips and with barely anything separating us, I felt the last of my control slipping. Whitish-red light radiated off me, bathing Kat in the warm glow. There was nowhere that my hands didn’t explore, and the way her body arched into the slightest touch, I was awed and consumed. Kissing her and drawing her deep inside me, I never wanted this to end. She was perfect to me. She was mine, and I wanted her more than I wanted anything in my life.

But I stopped.

Everything that had happened flipped through my head like a photo album I wanted to burn. Both our emotions were all over the place. There had been death, discovery, and so much more. And we were rushing headfirst into not turning back.

I didn’t want our first time to be like this—to be because of what happened.

My God, I was a mushy pansy-ass, but I stopped.

Kat stared up at me, running her hands over my stomach and making it really hard to slam on the brakes. “What?” she asked.

“You…you’re not going to believe me.” Hell, I didn’t believe it. In a couple of seconds, I was really going to regret this. “But I want to do this right.”

She started to smile. “I doubt you could do this wrong.”

Ha. “Yeah, I’m not talking about that. That I will do perfectly, but I want to…” Break out the subscription to the Hallmark Channel and the Lifetime Movie Network. “I want us to have what normal couples have.”

Kat looked like she was going to cry again. I’d probably be crying soon, but for a totally different reason.

I cupped her cheek, exhaling roughly. “And the last thing I want to do is stop, but I want to take you out—go on a date or something.” I sounded like an idiot. “I don’t want what we’re about to do to be overshadowed by everything else.”

I think I might have blushed. Damn me.

Calling on every ounce of self-control I had, I did the unthinkable and lifted off her, easing down on my side. I wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her close. I brushed my lips across her temple. “Okay?”

Kat tipped her head back, meeting my stare. Her throat worked on her next words. “I think I might love you.”

Air punched out of my lungs. I held her tight, and I knew right then I would burn down the whole universe for her if I had to. I would do anything to keep her safe. Kill. Heal. Die. Anything. Because she was my everything.

And I wanted to tell her so, but I didn’t want to tempt the universe. Bad things happened to the people I loved.

I kissed her cheek. “Told you.”

Kat stared at me.

I chuckled, and although it didn’t seem possible, I moved closer. “My bet—I won. I told you that you’d tell me you loved me on New Year’s Day.”

Looping her arms around my neck, she shook my head. “No. You lost.”

I frowned. “How do you figure?”

“Look at the time.” She tipped her chin toward the clock on the wall. “It’s past midnight. It’s January second. You lost.”

For several moments I stared at the clock, wishing it into a black hole, but then my gaze found hers and I smiled—really smiled. “No. I didn’t lose. I still won.”

Chapter 28

It was six in the morning, and I sat on Kat’s bed, listening to the shower running in the bathroom and mentally listing all the reasons why it wasn’t a good idea to join her.

I couldn’t come up with one.

But I managed to keep my ass planted on the bed while she got ready for school. We’d spent the entire night together, talking and sleeping in each other’s arms. Despite everything, it had been the best night in a long time. In forever. That didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about my sister or Adam. That didn’t mean everything was perfect. The moment I let my thoughts wander, they didn’t go to a good place.

I’d checked in with Dee before I headed over to Kat’s house. She wasn’t awake, but I’d talked to Andrew. It hadn’t been an easy call. Not when we talked about how we were going to explain Adam’s death. Publicly for the humans, it would be a car accident. To the nearby Luxen colony and the DOD, if the latter didn’t already know the truth, it would be an Arum attack.

The next couple of days—weeks—were going to be rough.

Kat stepped out of the steamy bathroom, wrapped in a fluffy towel with a robe over the top. She didn’t look surprised to see me even though I hadn’t told her I was sneaking over. Obviously she felt me the moment I got into the house.

She walked over to where I sat. “What are you doing?”

I patted the spot beside me, and she sat on her knees, facing me. “We need to stick close together over the next couple of weeks. I wouldn’t be surprised if the DOD shows. We’re safer together.”

“Is that the only reason?”

A lazy grin pulled at my lips as I reached over, tugging lightly on the belt of her robe. “Not the only reason. Probably the smartest, but definitely not the most pressing.”

Kat smiled slightly as she shook her head. Circling an arm around her waist, I tugged her into my lap. I kissed her forehead. “What are you thinking?”

She tucked her face into my neck. “A lot of things. Do…do you think it’s wrong to be happy right now?”

My arms tightened as I frowned down at her. “Well, I wouldn’t send out a mass text message or anything.” I paused, getting what she meant. “And I’m not entirely happy. I don’t think I’ve really come to terms with everything. Adam was…” I trailed off, throat working.