The fuck?

“That’s not why I like him,” Amber says so quietly I can barely make out the words.

Hell. I’m not sure whether to be glad or worried. Nervously I tug on my leather band, then reach up to rub the demon on my chest. She doesn’t like the way I look?

“Girl, you’re your own woman. You do what you like with Mr. ManCandy. But don’t come crying to me afterward, okay? Ev told you about him. He chases after everything with a vagina. Don’t let him hurt you.”

I wince, although I deserve that. Weird how I hate that Amber is hearing it. As if she didn’t know… Yeah, right, J.

Still, I step out of the bedroom, determined to stop this conversation. Not sure I want to hear what else Kayla has to say about me.

“It’s not what you think,” I hear Amber say before I take a second step. “We’re not together or anything. It was a one-night stand. It means nothing.”

My heart hammers in my chest. Bitterness rises in my throat. This is stupid, this crushing disappointment at her words. But I asked her for a chance, didn’t I? I thought I did. I thought she’d give me some time.

Guess I thought wrong.

***

“Sit down, fucker,” Zane says, pulling off his rubber gloves and nodding at Tyler, who’s waiting at the cubicle door. “Be back in a sec.”

I do as told, sitting on the stool. My head is pounding and I rub at my temples, trying to ease the discomfort. My pulse thunders in my ears, way too fast. Hasn’t slowed down since I left her apartment.

I thought if I slept with her I’d lose interest. Instead, she’s the one pushing me away. This hasn’t happened to me before. Everything’s different with this girl. I thought she wanted to be with me.

The thought of losing my chance with her burns a hole in my chest.

Maybe… maybe that’s why she asked me about being friends. Maybe that’s what she wants, unless it was a pretext to kick me out.

I hop off the stool, full of restless energy and pace back and forth.

You’re a good lay, J. Worth every penny. Now get out. You’re not good enough for anything more.

Shut up, shut up. I clap my hands over my ears. Funny how I thought those wounds had scabbed over, healed.

It shouldn’t hurt this bad. You’d think after spending my whole life being kicked around, thrown out on my ass and called names, carted from group home to group home, that I’d have a thicker skin.

But it does hurt. Because she’s not just any girl. Because… Because she means something to me.

Just stop feeling, I tell myself. Just stop. When will you learn that nobody wants you to stay?

“J. You okay, man?”

I whirl around, transported for a moment back to a back alley, looking for any weapon to protect myself with.

Tyler gives me a narrow-eyed look, leaning against the cubicle entrance, arms folded over his chest. His dark hair is cut short and looks wet.

“Zane wanted to talk to me. Where is he?” Need my smokes. I pat my pockets. Dammit, I don’t have them with me, probably dropped them at Amber’s apartment. Or during the fight with my roommates. Fuck.

“Calm down, buddy.” Tyler doesn’t move, which is a good thing, because if he as much as crowds me in right now I’ll punch his lights out. “Z-man’s on the phone, he’ll be back in a minute. Now why don’t you tell me what’s gotten your boxers in a twist?”

The scars on my arm itch and ache, and I back away a step.

Tyler’s older than the rest of us by a couple of years. He’s also the tallest of the group, and trying to calm down, like he suggested, is harder with him than with the others. He reminds me too much of the man in the alley—just like Gage, my roommate, does. Not their fault.

But dammit, I still have nightmares about it.

“J. Hey.” Tyler nods at someone outside the cubicle, then turns back to me. “Spill. What’s up?”

“Nothing’s up.” I drop back on the stool, throw my baseball cap on the counter and fold my arms over my chest, too, mirroring his stance. “Don’t you have customers waiting?”

Tyler mans the reception desk of the shop. Not many people wander inside in the mornings, but hey.

“Nice try.” He tsks. “I’m waiting.”

“Fuck off, Tyler.”

“If you can’t tell your friends, who’re you gonna tell your troubles to?”

“I don’t have friends.” I huff. “I don’t do people. And people don’t do me.”

“Bullshit.” He gives a lazy grin, like a lion who just ate the gazelle. “Maybe your definitions need some dusting. Newsflash, J: we are friends. You and me. You and Zane. You and Seth. You and Micah. Everyone here is your friend. We’d do anything for you, and deep inside, you fucking know it.”

I chew on the inside of my cheek, mulling this over.

“Now normally you don’t look like you’re about to smash Zane’s workspace to bits, which is why I’m asking you what happened. Tell me, and maybe I can help you fix it.”

“Fix it. Don’t know if anyone can fix it. Fix me.”

“You?” Tyler frowns. “Nothing’s wrong with you.”

“Everything’s wrong with me. I don’t…” I clasp my hands behind my head and squeeze. “I don’t know anything. When I think I understand how a relationship works, it turns out I understand jack. And girls… I don’t get them.”

“Man, and who does?” He rolls his eyes and sighs, and it’d be damn funny if I wasn’t smarting. Which is stupid, and I should stop.

Thing is, I’ve been telling myself this ever since I met her—stop feeling, stop wanting, stop hoping—and it’s not working.

“This is about Amber, isn’t it?” Tyler asks, and I nod.

No point in denying it.

“Serious?” He’s eyeing me carefully, and I have no clue what he’s thinking.

I know what I am thinking, though. “It is. For me.”

“Well, damn.” He grins.

No idea what he seems so pleased about.

“You’re not listening, man. I don’t think she feels the same way.”

“Feelings. Well, this is getting better and better.”

Dammit. “Screw you, Tyler.”

Why the hell did I open up to him? True, I know him quite well—he’s almost always here at the shop, and he is a quiet and calm guy. Never heard him yell, never saw him make a threatening move on anyone. Could be why.

“Amber likes you,” another male voice says.

I look up, startled. “What?”

Micah is standing next to Tyler, glaring at me.

Whoa. What crawled up his ass? “Whatever.”

“You heard me. She likes you a lot. She’s head over heels with you. If that’s the girl you’re referring to, and I assume it is, seeing as it’s the only girl you’ve been spending time with.”

“And what’s with the death glare?” I counter-attack, because, damn, I need a moment to process what he just said.

Head over heels? Amber?

“Take a guess. You go through girls like underwear. Amber is Ev’s best friend. This is the mother of all bad ideas.”

Uh-oh. I offended Micah’s righteous sensibilities. Because before meeting Evangeline, he was obviously a hermit in some cave on a mountain, eating insects and hanging out with lions.

“So… you and Amber, huh?” Ah, Zane has joined the beat-Jesse-with-a-righteous-stick party. “Seriously?”

“What do you mean, seriously?” A hot surge of anger shoots up my chest. I slam my fist on the counter. “Fuck off. All of you.”

Micah is still glaring at me, and I know Ev isn’t my biggest fan, but come on. Tyler pulls him away and they vanish somewhere in the shop.

“Told you to play nice with her, didn’t I, fucker?” Zane wanders into the cubicle, and I’d love to throw him out right now, but hell, it’s his cubicle and shop and all.

Fuck.

“Who says I didn’t?”

“We wouldn’t be talking about Amber if there wasn’t trouble.”

“And you naturally assume it’s my fault.” I’m tired of people thinking that before even asking.

“You’re the one with the bad rep.”

“Story of my life.”