“Yes,” I said, “I think he is.”

***

“Where are we going, Mummy?” Oliver asked from the back seat of the car. I’d dressed him in his Sunday best, a little navy blue shirt and grey corduroy pants. His hair was neatly brushed to the side, and as I glanced at him through my overhead mirror, I felt my chest constrict. He looked so fucking adorable. There was just something about little people dressed like big people that got me every time. But more than that, he looked so much like his dad.

“We’re going to the circus,” I answered before concentrating back on the road.

“The circus!” he screeched with sheer excitement. This was the reason I’d held back on telling him. I knew he’d get all hyper and would be impossible to control. He bounced up and down in his seat, a gigantic smile on his face. “Mummy, you sneak! You kept this under wraps.” I burst out laughing at his turn of phrase.

“That I did.” I grinned at him.

“Will there be elephants?”

“Yup.”

“Oh, my God!” he exclaimed, putting his hands to his cheeks like he simply couldn’t contain himself. He bounced with more vigour now, his giddiness amping itself up to eleven. Jesus, I loved him. I parked along the street leading up to the circus and felt my heart begin to thrum. My entire body was full to the brim with nervous tension, and I felt a bit like I was walking on air. Or about to vomit.

Glancing at the clock on the dash, I saw it was five to two. We’d be meeting King in five minutes. In five minutes’ time, King was going to meet his son.

I took Oliver’s hand and led him down the street. All the while, my skin was breaking out into a cold sweat. When we arrived at the circus, I went and bought two tickets, but as soon as I let go of Oliver’s hand, he ran off ahead of me to the side of the tent, where there was a large cage containing two male lions.

“Liiiiiooooons!” he yelled giddily, waving his hands in the air. I hurried to catch up with him, swung my arm around his body, and lifted him into the air.

“Oh, no, you don’t,” I warned him. “You stick with me. You don’t go running off like that again, do you hear?”

He pouted. “Yes, Mummy.”

I let him down and then heard someone clear their throat from behind me. Jay and Jack stood a couple of feet away, both staring at Oliver with wide eyes. Oliver saw the two men and became uncharacteristically shy, grabbing my hand and hiding behind my leg.

“Is this…?” Jay began, and I nodded.

“Uh-huh.”

“Does King know?” Jack asked.

I shook my head. “Not yet.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Well, shit.”

Jay whacked him on the shoulder. “Hey! Language around the kid, bro.”

Jack slid his hands in his pockets and shot me a sheepish look. “Sorry.”

I blinked at him, hardly hearing what they were saying because I was still drowning in nerves. Oliver was staring up at them both like they were another species. Other than my dad, he wasn’t around men very often, and especially not men who looked like this.

“Alexis,” I heard a voice call from nearby, and had to close my eyes. What was I doing? This was way too soon. I silently wished I could teleport us right out of there, but I couldn’t. I had no other choice but to face the music. Footsteps sounded as King approached, and I forced myself to open my eyes. He wore a T-shirt, jeans, and boots. It was startling to see him in short sleeves when usually he wore several layers even in the blistering heat.

“Hi,” I said, hardly recognising my own voice. I glanced at Jay in panic, and he nodded his head in encouragement, as if to say, You can do this.

I could do this. I could.

King was still focused on me, a frown taking shape as he observed my nervous posture. Several beats of silence passed while my heart thumped loudly in my ears. It felt like the moment lasted an eternity, and then boom. King suddenly glanced down and saw Oliver. His glacial blue eyes returned to mine, a question in them.

“Your friend?” he asked, his voice a mixture of curiosity and apprehension.

I swallowed thickly and summoned my courage before blurting out, “This is my son.”

“Hello,” said Oliver, waving, entirely oblivious to the momentous occasion. His voice brought King’s attention back to him, and I saw him take in his every feature, from his blue eyes to his blond hair, to the face that was almost a carbon copy of his own. They say that you resemble one parent more at different times in your life. Well, right then Oliver resembled his dad far more than his mother.

King’s jaw moved and he swallowed thickly, his eyes not leaving Oliver as he asked, “How old is he?”

“Five,” I answered, voice wavering even though I’d only uttered one syllable.

King ran both hands through his hair and looked away, a strain marking his form. I knew exactly what was happening; his mind was piecing together the information, doing the maths. When he looked back to me, his eyes were wet, and I felt the weight of everything he was feeling like a blow to the chest. Our gazes locked, the atmosphere heavy with unanswered questions. Finally, Oliver interrupted by tugging on my hand.

“Mummy, I want to go inside now.”

“Hey, buddy,” Jay said, stepping forward. “You wanna see something cool?”

Oliver nodded, and Jay pulled a deck of cards from his pocket, doing an impressive shuffle. Oliver let go of my hand and stepped forward, staring at the cards in fascination.

“Do it again!” he exclaimed with delight.

“I will, but first, do you want to come see the elephants before the show starts?”

Oliver nodded profusely, and I wordlessly let Jay take him, knowing King and I needed to talk. A moment later they were gone and we both stood there, people passing us by, wading through the ocean of questions that lay between us.

“I don’t understand,” he said, confounded.

I looked to the ground, shoving my hands in my pockets and muttering, “It’s not that complicated.”

King stepped forward hastily, his expression frantic and his voice airy. “He’s mine, isn’t he? Fucking hell, you only have to look at him to know he’s mine.” He turned away, staring at the people walking by, his mind clearly racing. Vaudeville fair music began to play through the speakers at the entrance to the circus, like a stark exclamation point at the end of his statement.

“He’s yours,” I breathed.

King rubbed at his jaw, where an attractive bit of stubble had started to grow. And then, just like that, he turned and walked away. Jesus. My shoes felt like they were stuck in a tub of cement as I stood there, not knowing what to do. When I finally regained my senses, I hurried after him. He’d rounded the tent and was making his way toward the camper vans when I got close enough to grab his elbow.

“Wait, don’t be angry with me, please,” I begged. He stopped walking and turned around, his features contorted in anguish. His eyes flickered between mine, his voice coming out strained and raspy.

“Christ, Alexis, I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at myself.”

“Why? You had no clue I was pregnant. Hell, I didn’t even figure it out until months after you’d disappeared.”

He huffed out a breath, hands frantically running through his hair again. “Yes, but I’ve been hiding for years, burying my head in the sand, and all the while you were out there, alone with a child that was mine. It just…it makes me feel worthless.”

I moved closer and lifted his hands from his hair, like I had to before when he was tugging it to the point where he was almost tearing it out. Sliding my fingers through his, I held both of his hands in mine and looked him in the eye. “You are not worthless, King. You’re the strongest person I know right now. I mean, look at you, look at how far you’ve come since I found you. Don’t you dare think for one second that I blame you for not being there. I had help. I had Karla and my parents, and your mum, too. The only thing I regret are the years you’ve missed, but I’m not going to dwell on them, and I won’t let you, either. He’s still young, King, and there are more years ahead of us than there are behind.”