“If you’re not open, then no one can ever come inside,” I countered, not really knowing what I meant. I realised Jack read some kind of innuendo in my words, because his nostrils flared and his eyes grew heated. “Tell me why you went away before. Did something bother you?” I asked, bringing the conversation back around again. When his expression went guarded, I knew I was on to something, and I just couldn’t let it go.

“You can tell me anything. You can trust me,” I urged him, reaching out for his hand, and he let me take it. It was so big and heavy that my hand felt encapsulated. He watched me like a wild animal sussing out another wild animal in the jungle. It felt like I was waiting for years for him to say something. When he finally did, it wasn’t at all what I expected.

“That video Lola was showing you of the magician,” he began, and I nodded for him to continue. “That’s my brother.”

“Really? The American guy? That’s so cool. So performing must run in your family then,” I said, and Jack’s brows knit together in consternation as he shook his head.

“No, you don’t understand. He’s my brother, but I haven’t seen him in over sixteen years.”

A quick breath escaped me. “Oh, right.” A pause. “Are you estranged?”

He looked away, his gaze focused on the raindrops clinging to the window, the weak ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds. “Something like that.”

“You can talk to me, Jack. Whatever you say will never leave this room, I promise,” I said, and squeezed his hand in mine. For a tiny second, I saw a man crying out for comfort, for somebody to confide in. It was such a stark contrast to the stern, stoic person he came across as most of the time.

Crossing one foot over the other and shifting his body on the couch, he started to tell me his story. “When I was ten, my family’s house burned down in a really bad fire. It’s where I got my burn scars from.”

He stopped and a long quiet followed. I wasn’t sure if he was going to continue, but when he finally did his voice bore a distinct strain. “The fire killed both my parents and put me in a coma for almost a year. When I woke up, I was all alone, and when I was well enough to receive the news, I was told that my parents were dead and my brother had been taken to live with my uncle in America. They wouldn’t give me any more details than that, but I overheard the nurses talking. They spoke of my uncle and how he’d reacted when he saw how badly injured I was. He told the medical staff that he didn’t have the resources to care for a sick kid, so he only took my brother, who hadn’t been hurt so badly by the fire. I was put in foster care, and the rest is history.”

I swallowed, trying to absorb his sad, terrible story. Thinking of him as a boy all alone simply broke my heart in two. “You never saw your brother again? But how do you know this magician guy is really him?”

“Fields was our mother’s maiden name. I can understand why he took it, because he hated our father. Long story short, Dad was a violent drunk, and Jay took the lion’s share of the beatings because he was older. When I aged out of the foster care system, I had nowhere to go. I’d always felt too proud to try to locate my uncle and ask for help, but this time I was desperate. When I called him, he was cold and dispassionate on the phone, telling me that neither he nor Jay wanted anything to do with me. I backed off, angry. Then, some time later, I saw a story in the news about how my brother had won this big legal battle against some tabloid that had been slandering him, and I knew it was Jay from the picture. He’d become famous. He had all the money and resources in the world at his fingertips, and he still hadn’t tried to come look for me. I could forgive him before because he was just a kid, but not now. So that’s what upset me. I don’t like being reminded that I have a brother who couldn’t give a shit about me enough to check if I was even still alive.”

“That’s…wow,” I breathed, unsure what to say. “Thank you for telling me all that.”

His eyes were on my lips when he replied, “Thanks for listening.”

The air between us thickened just as somebody knocked on the door of the camper. Then a male voice called, “Jack, you have a rehearsal in twenty minutes.”

“I’ll be there,” Jack answered, and I saw Antonio pass by the window as he continued on his way.

Seeing Antonio reminded me of the fight earlier between Winnie and Julie, and I couldn’t help but ask, “How was Julie today? She seemed really upset.”

Jack cocked his head towards me. “Do you really want to hear about Julie, Lille?”

“I’m just concerned, that’s all,” I lied. The look in his eyes told me I wasn’t fooling anyone.

“She was fine. The tears come at will for her,” he said as he stood and went to pull a drawstring bag from the closet.

“What does that mean?”

He chuckled low. “She knows how to manipulate people, is what it means.”

“Oh.”

Opening the bag, he began to pull out the torches he used in his act, running his hand along their lengths as though inspecting them for damage. I was still hung up on what he’d said about Julie. I didn’t want to voice the thoughts in my head, but I couldn’t seem to hold them in.

“If that’s how you feel about her, then why are you with her?”

I probably sounded horribly jealous, which I was, but it just made me angry to think someone like Julie could have Jack in the way I wanted him. Yes, I’d set out on a path to be his friend, but that didn’t mean I didn’t still find him attractive, intensely so.

Jack’s brows drew together as he set the torches down on the table. “I’m not with her. I will never be with anyone, not in the way you mean.”

“You don’t ever want to fall in love, have a family?” I asked, sorrow seizing my chest.

“All of that isn’t meant for the likes of me,” he answered as he slotted the torches back in the bag. “The things I desire most are not something I’m sure I could ask another person to give.”

I didn’t really get what he was saying, but the overall sentiment made me sad. No person wants to end up alone. “Everybody deserves love. They just have to find the right person.”

He grew agitated all of a sudden. “Christ, let it go, Lille.”

His dismissive tone irritated me, and I stood. “You don’t have to talk to me like that.” I folded my arms and waited for an apology, but none came. He simply indicated the door.

“I have to leave now,” he said, and what he didn’t say was clear. You have to leave now. I felt like I’d broken such ground with him today, only to have him close down on me again. I hated to admit it, but it hurt.

Without giving him another look, I walked by him and out the door.

Seven

Under the sun, Jack watched Lille paint

 

Since I’d destroyed my phone, that night I convinced Lola to lend me hers so I could look up Jack’s brother. I felt like a bit of a dirtbag doing it, but my curiosity was too much to bear. This Jay Fields must have been some piece of work to abandon his sibling like that. Wikipedia told me that he was a stage illusionist with a growing cult following, but aside from a tiny paragraph about his personal life, there wasn’t much else in terms of details. There was definitely no mention of a younger brother that he had all but left for dead.

I was more interested in hearing him talk than watching his tricks. I needed to see his personality so I could determine what kind of a person he was. Despite Jack indicating he was done with his brother, I had a feeling he was harbouring a lot of pain on the inside. I hunted down an interview and hit “play.” The interviewer was a woman, but you couldn’t see her because she was off camera.

“What’s most important to you?” she asked at one point. To which Jay replied, “My family, always my family.”