I continued to follow him, knowing damn well where he was headed. Paxton opened his office door, and then unlocked the vault behind a picture of Rowan and Phi, dressed in matching clown costumes while they held pumpkin buckets.

I closed the door behind me to keep from waking up the kids. Paxton was pissed. He didn’t even give me a chance. He just ripped it open, dumping it all to his desk. Passports, fake identifications, birth certificates, new social security cards, and a flip phone.

“Fucking passports? You were going to take my fucking kids from me?”

I didn’t answer, but I did jump. Right after he smashed the phone against the wall

“This isn’t fair, Paxton. You know I don’t remember that.”

“So if you hadn’t went to the store for milk, I wouldn’t have them right now? What gives you the fucking right?”

“Shh, you’re going to scare the kids.”

“What else is there, Gabriella? What else are you hiding? My guess is it has something to do with your one on one video. Did you tell me everything? Did you, Gabriella?”

I gave it right back, but not quite as vicious as Paxton. “Did you, Pax? You had a one on one, too. Did you tell me everything?”

“Get the fuck out of my face, Izabella. Take your fake ass and get the fuck away from me before I hurt you.”

I tried talking to him in a quiet tone, rationalize with him, but it was hopeless. “Pax.”

“Go.”

I left because that’s all I could do. Paxton wasn’t about to listen to me. He already slipped on his blinders, and I knew it was pointless until they were off. I went upstairs with my sister’s things, wishing to God I had her to talk to.

Mi called my phone five times before I made it back to my room. I closed the door and called her back.

“Jesus, you scared me. What happened? Nick said you closed the video out. He can’t get it back now, none of them. They’re out in cyberspace.”

“I don’t care, Mi. I don’t want it.”

“What happened, honey?”

I planned on sitting there and telling her everything, letting her be my Clyde, but something familiar caught my eye, but I didn’t know why it was familiar. “We just had a fight. Can we talk tomorrow?”

“Sure, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Thanks, Mi.”

“Anytime, babe.”

I picked up a pink notebook with a big red daisy planted right in the center and opened the cover. Poem after poem filled the pages, and I knew they belonged to my mother. I reached for my tablet and flipped it on, going right to the folder where I knew they were in. They weren’t verbatim, but some of them were close, and I knew my mother had written these poems, I was merely trying to hold on to them. Keep them close to my heart. Every time something fell into place, something else fell apart.

Eighteen

Paxton refused to have anything to do with me for nearly a week. I was so over it. He worked late, he ate in his office, and he slept on the sofa. I swear he didn’t say two words to me, and when he finally did, it was because he had to. He was able to pull some strings, and get Vander into St. Augustine. That was it. He treated me like I didn’t exist otherwise. He was cheerful around the kids, talking and playing with them like they were best friends. Even Van, but not me. He didn’t treat me anyway. He wouldn’t even look at me, except for the things he had to say, which were usually right in front of the kids. Fake as fake could be.

I did what Mi told me to do and let him stew on it. I didn’t stroke his ego, not even a little. I took her advice and pretended like I didn’t have a care in the world, went about my business like a busy mom of three. I lived my life without Paxton, waiting for him to play the next card, while I studied what I held in my own hand. I held the royal flush, but unfortunately, I was afraid to use it. I didn’t want to use it, but I would.

It was hard for me to stay grounded with everything I had going on, but I had to. I had three very young children to influence; one of them extremely vulnerable. Thank God for Mi. If it hadn’t been for her keeping me sane, and telling me what to do, I would have cracked a long time ago. I focused on my three Clydes and my sister, searching every possible place there was to search.

We exchanged words finally on the sixth day of silence. Paxton got up and walked out of our bedtime ritual, leaving his captain stone behind. He said it was because of a call he forgot to make. That’s what he told the kids. I knew better. He suddenly had to go when Ophelia pulled our hands together unconsciously, playing with both our fingers while Rowan read to us. Our eyes met and our fingers grazed each other’s briefly. That’s when he had to leave. He kissed the girls and ruffled Vander’s hair.

I had just walked out of the girl’s bathroom with an armful of towels when he called for me to come into his office.

I stood at the door, holding the laundry with raised eyebrows. “What?”

“You got an email from this place you ordered Vander’s uniforms. Two of these shirts are out of stock. What do you want me to do?”

I frowned at him wondering if that was just a tactic to get me in there, or a control thing, letting me know that he was still the one holding the reigns. Maybe he wanted me to come around to his desk and pick out new ones. Hell, I had no clue. “I’ll look tomorrow. Is that it?”

Paxton blinked his eyes a couple times before replying. “Yeah.” That’s all he said. He turned his attention back to his work. Whatever. Dick.

“Oh, what are you doing Saturday? Are you going to be around to stay with the kids for a while? I have plans with Mi.”

“What do you mean you have plans with Mi? You don’t make plans with Mi without talking to me first.”

I blew out a puff of air with my sarcastic words. “That hand is dead, Paxton. Play another card.”

“It’s always a fucking game with you. I don’t have a fucking card, Gabriella, because this is not a fucking game.”

“Okay, then I quit, Paxton. I don’t want to do this with you anymore. We need to start thinking about what we’re going to do. I mean, I guess technically, we don’t have to get a divorce. You’re legally married to my sister, not me. I’m sure I signed a million documents when I married you, stating I wouldn’t get anything if we divorced anyway.”

“Go the fuck away. I’m not even doing this with you. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I ever spend one night without my girls.”

I nodded with a deep breath, giving him a nonchalant answer, no feeling behind it whatsoever. “Suit yourself, Pax,” I countered while I repositioned the load of towels in my arms in order to use my hands. Just like a dealer in a casino, I flipped my imaginary card to his desk. His eyes even looked down to the invisible card. “Royal Flush. You lose. I’m going to take Izzy’s photo around to some shelters with Mi Saturday. We’re leaving around nine. Goodnight, Paxton.”

I walked out without another word, not even from him.

I never kept Vander in the dark. He knew I planned on spending Saturday looking for his mommy, because I told him the very next morning.

I was in the kitchen packing Paxton’s lunch for the next morning when Vander sleepily came into the kitchen. Yes, I still did that. I just made sure I did it at night, before bed, not wanting to see him in the mornings. I set the coffee pot to go off on its own, and I kept a bowl of pastries and muffins on the island. Just because I hated him, didn’t mean I wanted him to work in the hot sun all day without nourishment.

“Aunt, Gabby,” Vander quietly said in a sad tone.

I turned to his sad expression, holding something ratty and pink underneath his arm. The bread that I had been spreading mayonnaise on dropped to the counter and I went to him.

“Come here, baby.” I said as I sat and pulled him into my lap.

His legs dangled to one side of my lap while his head rested on my chest. I rubbed his back and kissed his head. “Do you miss my mommy?”