When he was gone, Daniel came back in quickly.

“Are you okay?”

I couldn’t answer. I only leaned back into the seat further, wishing I could just disappear or go back to that one night and stop Esther some other way. As Daniel drove, I glanced down at the award beside my feet. I lifted it up, running my hand over the glass.

I felt like I could hear her laughing at me.

“Daniel.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“When you get the chance, get rid of this for me,” I said, throwing it in the front seat.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said.

Looking out the window, I saw my own reflection, and I didn’t like it. Not because I was guilty, but because I was staring at someone who had no idea what to do without help. I had given a speech telling young girls everywhere to just do whatever it is they wanted to do, yet I couldn’t take my own goddamn advice.

How do I fix this?

How do I—

Wait. I looked back at myself, the light bulb turning on in my head, and just like that, the smile returned to my face.

“Daniel.”

“Yes ma’am?”

“Don’t tell Noah or Austin about what happened tonight. I’ll give you money for the repairs. Do you understand?”

He didn’t reply.

I sighed. This was the problem with using other people’s people: they had loyalty issues. It didn’t matter if it was a stylist, driver, or bodyguard.

“Your job is to protect Noah, and me because he asked you. Well, know this: there is no other person on earth I want to protect more than Noah. But he won’t let me. Which is why he can’t know I met his brother tonight.”

“You met who?” he questioned, meeting my eyes in the rearview mirror.

And just like that, Daniel became my guy.

Noah

Panic.

Sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behavior.

With my condition, it was dangerous for my emotions to swing drastically, and for the most part, I did a good job of keeping my emotions in check. I could stay cool sitting only a foot away from the head of the Irish mob, a bunch of thugs with knives in a bar, no problem. Hell, being shot at by said thugs—I was good. None of that scared me.

What did was walking into the hotel room where the love of my life was supposed to be and not finding her. No note, no call, nothing—just her clothes everywhere. That was fear. That was panic, and just like that, I found myself falling against the wall, my body shaking out of my control.

Shit.

Three months. I had made it three months off my meds without a single fucking attack, and one day in the city without her, I was brought to my knees.

“Ah!” I grunted out. I pulled my arms and legs to my chest, trying my best to stop the shaking.

“Noah, breathe, relax,” Austin said, stuffing another pill into my mouth. I wanted to tell him that telling someone with a disorder to relax was as fucking useful as telling a pregnant woman to use a condom. However, I couldn’t say anything given how badly my teeth were chattering together.

“Noah!”

Amelia? I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination or not.

“Noah!” Her hands cupped the sides of my face. Opening my eyes, I saw her. Her beautiful blue eyes stared back down at me.

Thank God.

“Shh…” she whispered, pulling me into her lap, hugging me to her chest. I listened to her heartbeat slowly, breathing in her perfume. “Shh…I’m right here. I’m right here,” she kept repeating.

I’m not sure how long we were like that, huddled on the floor of the presidential suite in some random hotel. I didn’t care. It was the best place in the world, because in those minutes, the world wasn’t fucked up. I was neither Noah Sloan, Frank’s son, nor Noah Sloan, the former child star. I was just the guy she loved. And that’s the only me I ever wanted to be. That’s what made the shaking stop.

“I love you,” I whispered once my body relaxed.

“And I you. Always,” she said softly. Reaching up, I brushed the tears that had built up in the corners of her eyes.

“You don’t have to cry every time this happens,” I said.

She frowned her at me, her bottom lip sticking out. “I don’t mean to. But I know it’s painful for you, and knowing I can’t do anything frustrates me so much.”

Snickering, I closed my eyes, enjoying her hands in my hair.

“Amelia, you don’t do nothing … you do everything.”

When she didn’t reply, I opened my eyes again to her staring at me with a mixture of lust and love in her eyes.

“It’s late. Austin left. Let’s go to bed,” she said. I sat up, taking her hand and allowing her to lead me…anywhere. I didn’t care.

When we got to the bedroom, she turned back to me. She pushed off my jacket, letting it fall to the ground with a thud. Her hands grazed my stomach as she lifted off my shirt, or at least tried to. She stepped on her tiptoes, reaching as high as she could, until I pulled it the rest of the way off, throwing it to the ground.

She kissed both sides my chest, undoing my belt faster than I thought possible. Softly, she kissed down the center of my abs.

“Ahh…” My lips parted when she grabbed my cock, freeing it from my boxers. With each stroke, I became harder in her hands, and completely breathless.

“Amelia …” I hissed as she licked the tip of my cock, and like the evil vixen she was, she grinned, glancing back up at me. Again she licked down the length of me painfully slowly, and I was powerless to do anything but watch. Her beautiful pink tongue swirled around my head over and over and over again, my cock twitching eagerly as she tortured me. Again her tongue ran down the side of me, until she got to my balls. She kissed them before making her way back up.

“Amelia.”

“Yes?” she answered. Before I could reply, she took as much of me as she could into her wet mouth.

Fuck. My eyes closed and my head tilted back as she sucked hard ... fuck … shit… I can’t. Grabbing a fistful of her hair, I thrust forward once, and she grabbed the back of my knees, welcoming it.

She was going to killing me.

When I looked down at her, I could tell she was enjoying—no, loving—the fact that I had no words, only grunts and moans coming from my lips as she matched my pace with each thrust between her beautiful lips. The walls of her mouth closed in around me. If she didn’t stop, I was going to.

“Amelia, I’m—”

Ignoring me, she took my balls, massaging them with one hand and speeding up. As she did, my vision blurred. A shiver went up and down my spine as my toes curled and my grip on her hair tightened.

“Fucking … Christ!” I grunted as I came, and like she was trying to torture me, she swallowed—every drop.

“I’m never going to forget that face,” she giggled, kissing the tip of my dick before standing up again. And I still couldn’t speak.

Proud of herself, she pushed me back, and I fell like a ton of bricks onto the bed.

“Wait here,” she demanded, and I couldn’t think of where else I would rather be but right here, my chest rising and falling as I tried to relax. I kicked off my shoes and the rest of my clothes.

“Where did you go tonight?” I asked when it felt like my heart was no longer trying to escape from my chest. However, she didn’t answer.

“Amelia?”

“Yes, Mr. Sloan?” she said, stepping out of the bathroom.

She stood wearing sheer black lingerie … her hard nipples completely on display for me to see.

I need her.

I need to be inside her.

I need to hear her moan my name.

It was the only three things that crossed my mind, and it was more than enough to get me up again.

Amelia

The moment I stepped out of the bathroom, he said nothing, only walked over to me, picked me up, and threw me onto the bed like some caveman—and I loved every fucking moment of it. He kissed my neck and the top of my chest, undoing the tie holding the front of my lingerie closed.