“Colin,” she said, starting with her own mea culpa. “You have to know how sorry I am. If there were a way I could have told you, I would have. I desperately wanted to. It was so hard for me not to say anything. I hated keeping it from you. But I couldn’t do that to Marcus.”
“I know. I swear, I know,” he said, relief and frustration in his voice as he dragged one hand through his hair. “And I should have known better. I was so blindsided, and then a million times more shocked to learn you had been helping him. But instead of sitting down and talking to you to try to understand the situation, I just lashed out.” He stopped to take a quiet breath. “And that’s not the kind of person I want to be. My ex did that to me, and I don’t want to be that guy. That guy who sends those messages.”
“Then don’t be that guy,” she said matter-of-factly. She understood that he’d been knocked to his knees by news he couldn’t have prepared for, but she also wasn’t going to be on the receiving end of his anger. “Be the guy who gives me a chance to explain and work it out. And be the guy who treats me with respect even if you’re upset.”
“I will. I promise I will,” he said, his voice a plea for forgiveness. “That’s not how I want to treat you. I was just so stunned by everything that I stopped thinking.” He rocked lightly on his heels as Eddie Vedder sang on the stereo in the kitchen. “It was all so out of the blue. There I was, talking to Ryan about how he’s planning to propose to Sophie—”
A full dose of glee raced through her veins. “He’s going to propose?”
He smiled. “See? There I go again, just saying what’s on my mind. Don’t tell her, okay?”
She rubbed her hands together. “Ooh. Another secret. But this one is the good kind to keep.”
“So he’s telling me about the trip, and his plans, and his dog is jumping in the car, and, Elle…” He stopped to look her in the eyes, letting the enormity of the moment register. “My fucking half-brother appears, takes off a cape, and says ‘Ta da!’ It was beyond surreal. And he talked for a long time, and then he told me you’d been advising him. And boom.” He smashed one palm against the other. “It was like hitting a wall. I just didn’t know what to think, and I snapped back. I was too honest. Too direct. I should have filtered myself and taken some time to process this news. Instead, I processed it with you. Over a text message. And I just typed everything that came to mind, rather than talk to you.” He downshifted to a gentler tone, meeting her eyes and doing what she’d asked. “So talk to me.”
At last, she was free of the burden of the secret. “I just want you to try to understand that I didn’t want to keep this secret from you. But he asked for my confidence before he told me he was your brother, and I was torn apart knowing that. But it would have been so wrong for me to tell you.” She reached for him, running her fingers gently across the tanned skin of his arm, wanting contact.
“Wrong? Elle, that’s not what I—” Then he stopped and gestured to her thumb with the splint on it. “What happened?”
She shrugged it off. “Nothing. I crashed during the match.”
He reached for her hand, brought it to his lips and brushed a kiss onto the small splint. Her heart fluttered. Maybe this wasn’t the end of them.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Everyone is making a big deal of it. It was just a dislocated thumb, and evidently it’s relocated now,” she said with a small smirk as she wiggled her thumb. “It’s not like I broke a tibia crashing off a sheer rock wall or something. But it did hurt like hell yesterday. They even gave me some pain meds.” She gestured to the bottle on the coffee table. He followed her gaze, and she wondered if he was tempted. Perhaps she should have tucked them away. But then, as she searched his eyes looking for a sign of longing, she was glad to find none.
“Did they help you?” he asked, his tone one of concern for her.
She nodded. “I feel much better.”
“Can I still hold your hand, though?” he asked, lifting his hand to hers then gently sliding his fingers through, lacing them together. Her heart danced a crazy jig. So much for that momentary panic. Now, the organ in her chest was engaged in a full-blown tango of joy.
“Yes,” she whispered.
He stepped closer, tenderly clasping her hand. “I’m sorry I said all those things. I didn’t mean it when I said I don’t know how I feel about you. Maybe for a few seconds, or a few minutes, I didn’t know which way was up or down. But then when I thought about it, I knew exactly how I felt about you.”
“And how do you feel?”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
This was the real risk. Close your eyes, step off the cliff. No clue if there’s anything to break the fall, but do it anyway.
“How I feel is this.” He took a breath before he spoke. “That I wish I’d been there yesterday to help you up when you crashed,” he said, wrapping his other hand around her trim waist. She fit so well in his arms. “That I should have gone and talked to you. That I wanted to spend the afternoon with you and your son.”
Her heart tripped when he mentioned Alex.
He continued, “And I know I need to make it up to him that I didn’t show up, as much as I need to make it up to you. Because the two of you are a package deal. You matter so much to me, and I want to do right by your kid.”
“You will do right by him. You already are,” she said, her voice breaking as she inched closer, melting into him.
“I want so much more than what it’s been. I can’t pretend I just want this,” he said, raking his eyes over her from head to toe. “I do want your body. I do want to have you all night long. But I want the rest of you, too.” He let go of her waist and placed his palm on her chest, above her breasts. Such a temptation, but he was stronger than it. He was guided by the truth of his feelings for her, and the depth of them, too. “I’m falling for you.”
Instantly she grasped his hand, tugging it even closer to her chest. “I’m falling for you, too, Colin. I was going to tell you the other night at your house,” she said, words tumbling free in a mad rush. “I don’t want these lines between us anymore. I want to see what we can become. I told Alex that I’m dating you, and I want to have you in my life as more than just the man I sneak away to see.”
He nuzzled her neck, layering kisses on her skin, his heart beating hard and fast. “I want that so much, Elle. I want all of you.”
“You can have all of me,” she whispered then pressed her lips to his ear, making him shudder and turning him on. “Preferably now.”
Colin needed no more invitation than that. Scooping her up, he carried her through the living room and down the hall, finding her bedroom easily. He’d never been inside her house before, and if he didn’t have only one thing on his mind, he might have taken the time to notice fully the pictures on her wall, or the blinds in her bedroom, or maybe even the various shades in the sea of pillows on her bed. But nope. He was zeroed in on a mission—get as close as possible to her.
In seconds he’d stripped her down to next to nothing, tossing her shorts and tank on the floor. She scooted back on her bed, wearing only a pair of pink cotton panties and her tattoos.
She froze and held up her index finger. “Wait.”
He raised an eyebrow in a question.
“Close your eyes,” she told him.
He shrugged happily, figuring whatever was coming next would be worth the surprise. A drawer opened behind him with a squeak, then he counted the seconds as she moved around. Nineteen long ones later, the mattress dipped lightly and she told him to open his eyes.
Holy fucking fantasy.
The socks.
The roller skating socks. They were white with purple stripes at the knees, and they were so fucking hot. His dick was operating at a ninety-degree angle now.