“The fuck it isn’t,” I growl.

“I made my bed. I did the deed that got me behind bars. And sooner or later, no matter where I was hiding, the cops were going to find me. Yeah, Davis said your girl gave me up, but we don’t know that’s fuckin’ true, and either way, the cops would’ve found me soon enough.”

“She was my fuckin’ responsibility.”

“You know as well as I do that we can’t fuckin control what the fuck our women do. We can’t watch them twenty-four-seven. And Davis is often full of shit, so you let this go. I don’t hold you responsible, and that’s all the fuck that matters. You hear?”

I get control of myself, and using my elbow and then my shirt, I wipe my face. But I can’t look at him.

“You hear?” he grates out and grips my neck harder. Turns me. “You’ve always had my back. I don’t doubt your loyalty for a second. I know if you could’ve, you would’ve gone in my stead. Even now, knowing what you know, you would still, am I right?”

“Yes.” No question.

“See? We’re solid. And I know that even though you didn’t live through what I did, you experienced shit that tore you up and changed you. Cap told me about Dana and the baby.”

I look up sharply.

“For the first two years, I was angry. With life. With everyone. And yeah, with you. I placed blame on everyone, but myself. Then Cap did what Cap does best and set my head right. Made me see that my own actions landed me in prison. Yeah, I saved a woman from being raped, but I used deadly force to beat that fucker up when I didn’t need to.”

“He told me Dana was no good, and I didn’t listen. He told me she didn’t want a future and yet I planned one for us anyway. I wanted her to get pregnant.” I rub my hand over my head, and let the confession spill from my lips. “I built a fuckin’ house for her. I read baby books. Bought a doll. And I never fuckin’ asked her if she wanted any of it. Who does that?”

“You and you paid for it.”

“Yeah . . .” I let out a humorless chuckle. “I did.”

“But this girl is helpin’ you find your way back?” He sits back in his chair studying me. “I can see it.”

The corner of my mouth curls. “She is.”

“Maybe I need to find me a little slice of heaven like that to help me find my way back too.” His eyebrow quirks up. “She into threesomes?”

I push him hard enough he nearly falls off his chair. “No. Find your own slice of heaven. I don’t share.”

He gets to his feet and pulls me to mine. We hug and pat each other’s back.

Speaking into my ear, he says, “We’re both gonna heal and get right. But then war’s comin’ brother, and I need you by my side.”

“I’m with you.”

Pulling back, his eyes cast down to my jacket. “Fuck, I almost forgot.” He reaches into his cut and pulls something out. He slaps his hand over my chest. “I was told to kick your ass if you gave me any shit about sewin’ this patch on.”

I take the patch from his hand and turn it over. Shaking my head, a big smile spreads across my face. “Nah . . . no need. I’ll wear it proudly.”

“Can’t believe it’s taken almost ten years to finally give you a road name that sticks,” he laughs. “And instead of it bein’ Saint like the pussy-boy angel you were when we found ya”—he throws his arm around my shoulder—“we have to call you Luce like you’re some badass motherfucker now.”

I elbow him in the gut and he grunts. “Who has the big mouth?”

“Taz. We might have to find a muzzle to put on him.”

“Yeah. Good luck with that.” We exit the Chapel and walk down the hall and into the main room. My gaze travels over the room until it finds Doll.

At the exact moment I find her sexed out in a white tank top, black leather skirt, and wicked as fuck black, high-heeled boots, I see her hand snap forward and make contact with Dozer’s face.

“You got a feisty one on your hands,” amusement laces through Edge’s voice.

“You have no idea.”

“I like her already.” When I’m a few feet away pushing through people to get to her, he calls out, “Let me know if you change your mind about sharin’.”

“Not gonna happen.”

On our trip to hitting rock bottom, we’ll try to take people down with us along the way.

EMBER

Smoothing my hands down my top and the skirt Lily brought me, I ask, “Are you sure it doesn’t look like I’m trying too hard?” I twist my foot out and tilt my head. “If I fall in these boots—”

“Then Mav will catch you. I guarantee from the second he gets a peak at you, he’ll be glued to your side.” She stands behind me and rubs her hand up my arm. “And don’t waste your time worrying about what anyone else thinks. All that matters is how you feel about yourself, and how he treats you.

“What we might have to worry about is you givin’ some poor old bastard a heart attack.” She leans back and looks down. “Not even my ass looks that good in leather.” Her warm smile flushes away my doubts.

Turning, I hug her. “Thank you. Maybe you should show me how to do this so I don’t have to steal you away from Goose every time there’ a party.”

“Hey, you’re already gorgeous. I only added a little sparkle. And don’t let Goose give you any shit. Our sex is ten times hotter when we’ve spent some time apart. So you actually did us both a favor. He’ll come out of that meeting horny, hard, and ready—just how I like him.”

Heat rushes up my face and I shake my head. “Ugh . . . Lily. You really need to work on your oversharing.”

She laughs and then weaving her arm through mine, she pulls me toward the door. “Come on. The guys will be out of church soon.”

Over the course of the last twenty minutes, I’ve concluded my newfound friendship with Lily is not conducive to maintaining a healthy liver. In her eagerness to get me out on the dance floor, she’s forcing me to drink a lot of hard alcohol in a frenzy.

It’ll calm my nerves and make me loose, she says. Help me forget about everyone else and enjoy myself. Which I’m all for, except what if all the alcohol hits me like a Mack truck once I’m on the dance floor?

Me drunk + four inch heels = an accident waiting to happen.

Nevertheless, I bite my tongue and watch Lita behind the bar do her thing.

Beside me, excitement radiates off Lily. So much so, she can’t sit still. She’s standing, tapping her foot to the beat of “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked” by Cage the Elephant. Her hair is in a sleek ponytail and it sways, along with her silver earrings, as she moves.

Lily catches me looking at her and smiles. “How are you feeling? You ready to dance yet?”

My skin’s a bit warm and tingly. I’m definitely buzzed, but maybe not intoxicated enough to make a fool of myself just yet. “Nope. Not yet.”

On the next shot, I raise my glass to meet Lily’s, and then toss it back. The kick isn’t as bad and the cherry flavor goes down smoother than the last shot.

Both Lily and I give Lita a thumbs up.

As Lita moves away to make a new round, my gaze lands on the hot biker chick in the mirror with red hair, smoky eyes, and rose pink lips. The white HD tank I’m wearing shows off my freckled cleavage. My hair’s in waves and the sides are loosely pinned away from my face. Another style I’ve never tried before. It’s somehow both flirty, and sultry, which is a far cry from my usual braid or a messy bun.

It feels nice to fit in though, and I can’t help but wonder what Mav will think when he sees me.

A sense of anticipation is in the air as we all wait for church to end and for the guys to fill the main room. The clubhouse feels almost bare without them, and yet nearly twenty people occupy it.

“I hope that’s not what you expect me to do,” I say and gesture toward the hang-arounds grinding on the dance floor. I love to dance. But that isn’t exactly what I’d call dancing.