“I can see that, Drew.”

We chat for quite a while and I have to say I feel very much at home here. Letty and I get along so well I hate to leave, and I’ve even warmed up to Ray. But it’s late and I’d like to spend a few moments alone with Drew. So on the way home, we park at a now empty tourist area, and sit and chat a bit. He’s leaving the next day on a late flight because he has early call on Saturday morning.

“When will I see you?” he asks.

“Ugh, finals start the week after next so I’m getting down to the grind.”

“What are your Christmas plans? Are you coming back here?”

“Yeah, but I’m driving since I get a month off.”

He takes my hand and rubs a circle over my knuckles with his thumb. “Why don’t you spend some time with me before and after?”

I think about his proposition and it sounds enticing. I could stay with him for several days after I’m done with exams, then go home. And after the holidays, I could go to Drew’s and return to school the Sunday before classes. “Yeah, that sounds pretty awesome. Are you coming home at all for Christmas?”

“Yeah. From the twenty-third to the twenty-eighth.”

“Oh, cool. Then I could come back to your place for New Year’s maybe?”

“You’d want to?”

He seems eager but then I just realized I’ve invited myself to his place for a date. Is that too forward?

“Yeah, I mean if you didn’t have other plans.”

“Cate, I only want plans with you. In fact, if we haven’t said this, I want us to be exclusive. I mean I pretty much took it for granted since we’re sleeping together and I knew you weren’t the type to sleep around.”

“No, not the sleeping around type. So yeah, I’d like exclusivity. In fact, I demand it,” I say with false bravado.

“So do I.” His deep voice sends shivers racing down my spine.

A thought strikes me. “Hey, does this mean we’re going steady?”

That corner of his mouth lifts and he says, “Not only steady, but strong.” He leans over and our lips meet. “Since we’re going steady, could I interest you in some car sex?”

Giggling, I answer, “I don’t know. The closest I’ve come to it is with you.”

Even though it’s dark, the light in the parking lot reflects the sparkle in his blue irises, and he says, “Since you’re wearing a skirt, I thought you planned it.”

“Well, if your dad doesn’t mind—since it’s his car.” A giggle slips out.

“We won’t tell him.”

He helps me clamber over the center console until I straddle his lap. It’s a good thing the seats recline. My skirt gets bunched up around my waist and we must be starved for each other because things progress at a rapid pace. It’s all so incredible and the only thing I notice afterward is that it really is true—the windows get steamed up during car sex.

When I mention this to Drew, he says drily, “I’m glad you were so taken with my skills, that’s all you observed.”

“After,” I remind him, “not during.”

“Thanks for clarifying.” He slides out and I ask him if he has any tissues. Fumbling in the console, he offers me a handful. When I move to slide to my seat, he stops me with his hands. “Stay. I’m not quite ready for you to leave here yet.” His hands hold my thighs and his pants are unbuttoned and pulled down to his knees. Damn, the man is sexy.

“I want to spend the night with you,” I say.

“No more than I want you to. This coming home sucks.”

We both chuckle.

“You look hot as hell sitting on my lap like this.” His half-lidded expression has me thinking the same of him. He grabs the tissues I hold in my hand and proceeds to wipe me, but instead of cleaning me up, it turns us both on. I watch in fascination as his dick springs to life. Not bothering to ask, I take it in my hand, lift my hips, and impale myself on it. His hands move from my thighs to my hips and his fingers sink into my flesh as he lifts me up and down, helping me, guiding me. My hands settle on his shoulders and I rest my forehead on his for a second, until he says, “Kiss me, Cate.”

This is one of those moments when you think back and remember how silly it all is, but here we are, in a car for Pete’s sake, having some of the hottest sex. But that’s not all it is. It’s the way he stares, the way he breathes my name, the way his hands hold me. And it’s what’s happening to my heart. Drew McKnight is tangling himself in it until I don’t know which part of it is him or which part is me. And what I thought would scare me doesn’t. Not one single bit. I want to fall with this man. And I want to fall hard. But I think I already have. The question is—how does Drew feel?

I don’t have to wait to find out. Because we both climax shortly after, and as we sit in the aftermath, he lightly kisses me and says against my lips, “Catelyn Forbes, I love everything there is about you. I never thought there’d be someone like you. I’m not a believer in there only being one person for each of us. But I know damn well it’s hard to find that perfect match. You are my perfect match. Please tell me I’m not alone in the way I feel.”

I brush his hair off his forehead and say, “You’re not alone, Drew. I love you, too.”

MY CHEST CONSTRICTS AS I watch Andy drive away. I berate myself for not being able to speak and say something to keep him from walking away. It all feels too familiar and I have to force myself inside my building.

The elevator closes in on me, making it feel claustrophobic. The pain of the day comes back and I wonder if I can ever get past it. I miss the carefree girl I used to be, the one that could laugh and look forward to a bright future. Now the gloominess of winter pulls me into darkening clouds. Life has lost its luster and I think I might have lost the one shot I had at happiness.

When the doors open, I shoot out like a light. I wonder how I can blur the lines between the past and the future. Guilt is what holds me back. Yet the promise of love is what pushes me forward.

I strip out of the dress and jewelry. I let my hair tumble down onto my shoulders. Then I step into a cleansing shower. The guilt of walking out of the hospital room as requested, and then of running out and leaving things, presses on my chest like a fifty pound weight. I don’t know how to forgive myself. I don’t know how to move on. As water sloshes over me, I make a decision.

After dressing in comfy pjs, I pick up my phone and begin to type. I hesitate for a second and read over my words before I hit send.

ME: I’m sorry.

I stare at the wall a long time waiting for a response and get nothing before sleep claims me. Sunday rolls in with snow flurries. I get laundry done and begin work on the policies and procedures manual I’m writing for Ted’s accounting department because I’m just that lame. I chat with Mandy and Jenna for only a few minutes each, really not up for conversation.

Mom calls and complains about Shannon. Apparently, she missed curfew. My bother has a girlfriend that my mother describes as the princess of doom in all her black, from clothes, to lipstick, to nail polish and hair. She’s out of sorts and Dad now thinks he has some rare disease she can’t pronounce because he has five of the seven symptoms, which are the same symptoms you get with the common cold according to her. I finally get her off the phone and take stock of my life. I’m alone with no dating prospects because I’m not going to France with Ted no matter how rich he is. I never get butterflies when I’m with him. I’ve had butterflies before and I can’t settle for less than that.

When Monday arrives, the snow is falling in thick clumps, accumulating on the roads and sidewalks. I walk to my office because there is a delayed opening for Ted’s office. Cabin fever won’t allow me to stay in; I need to get out before the walls press in on me any further.