I have some shit to think about.

Chapter 4

Star

I wasn’t really expecting Ash to call me. Not really. And when I hadn’t heard from him by the time I left my mother’s house and got back to the B&B that night, I just kind of let go of the idea altogether and powered off my phone and went to bed.

When I turn my phone back on in the morning, there’s still no word from him. The only new messages are from my roommate, Autumn. She’d gone out with our friend Roth last night and had kept up a running commentary of the experience via text that I had missed while I’d been asleep.

Autumn: Drinking with R. I miss you!!!! He’s the slowest.

Autumn: Worst dirnking buddy EVER!

Autumn: *drinking

Autumn: Oooooh. Cute boy. Glasses. Geeky t-shirt.

Autumn: I’m in love.

Autumn: OK I’m gonna go talk to him. Liquid courage is a beautiful thing.

Autumn: OK. Gonna do it. Wish me luck.

Autumn: Damnnn. Cute boy turned me down. Heartbroken.

Autumn: I’m gonna be single forever.

Autumn: I’m gonna have to get so many cats. I don’t even like cats.

Autumn: Will you be a spoinster wit me?

Autumn: *spinster. *with.

Autumn: OMG!!!! Cute boy is gay! He’s eyeing up Roth! It’s like the movies!!!!

Autumn: I must watch this FOREVER. *chinhands*

Autumn: Awwwwww. He’s so bumbling. Ther’e’s blushing. It’s SO CUTE!

Autumn: ROTH HAS NO IDEA!!!

Autumn: He’s all like WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!!

Autumn: Favorite things everrrr!

Autumn: If cute boy is successful, I will carry their babies.

Autumn: Cute boy bought Roth a drink and he STILL HASN’T FIGURED IT OUT!

Autumn: WHY AREN’T YOU HEREEE? WE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS!!!

Autumn: Fucckkkk. Cute boy has given up. Roth is uselessss!

Roth: I have discovered that Autumn has been updating you with the travesty that is my attempts at socialization.

Roth: Please disregard everything she has told you. She’s intoxicated.

Autumn: Roth’s a lying liar that lies.

Autumn: I’m finsa;sdfhina;

I laugh and started typing out a reply to Autumn.

Star: I’m sorry I missed it, darling.

Star: You’ll have to save your womb for a more worthy opponent.

Then I send one to Roth.

Star: You need to be more aware of your surroundings.

Star: Please make sure Autumn has lots of water and tell her to call me later.

I really am sorry I’d missed it. I love going out with Autumn, but Roth was another animal all together. He’d been our RA last year, when I was a freshman at Climbfield College. So while we saw him all the time and eventually we became friends, we weren’t able to actually hang out with him all that much. There were rules he had to follow as an RA. The first and foremost of which was No Touching Your Charges. It’s hard to hang out with someone when you’re expressly forbidden from touching them. So getting to go out with him is new and is actually a lot more fun than I’d expected. He’s like the lovechild of a confused puppy and emotionless robot, so seeing him in any kind of social situation is nothing short of fabulous. It sucks that I slept through it.

I’ve been going to sleep a lot earlier since I’ve gotten into town. Surprisingly early, really. I’m a college student. I’m used to late nights. But I’d been under a lot of stress lately, what with school and all. And that had been before I’d seen the state of my mother’s house.

I let out a groan and flop back against the pillows, shifting around on the mattress, trying to get comfortable. Which is an impossible task, apparently. This isn’t the Ritz Carlton. This is a shitty B + B in the middle of nowhere, but it had been my only choice. I hadn’t had the car when I arrived. The car was my mother’s. I’d taken the bus into town.

It is so strange. When I got into town, all I had was my duffel bag, and except for a few things I left with Autumn for the summer, that is pretty much everything I own, which is a pretty big departure from what my mother had built for herself.

From what she’d buried herself under, my brain supplies, but I shake the thought off before it can fully take root.

I don’t know if whatever causes people to start hoarding is genetic or learned or ingrained or what. All I know is that ever since I was nine and I was taken away from my mother, I’ve been doing everything I can to make sure I never ever end up like her.

I sigh and press the palms of my hands against my face, blocking out the light that’s streaming through the dusty floral curtains.

God, I don’t want to go back to the house. It is too much. I’ve been working on it for days, and I haven’t even made a dent.

***

It takes me ages to get out of bed. Part of me wants to stop at the diner for a big breakfast, but I don’t want to risk seeing Lacey again. Not so soon. I know she saw me talking to Ash yesterday, and after the things she said about him, I can only imagine what she’d have to say about me talking to him, let alone trying to hire him. So instead of the diner, I just fill the biggest disposable cup I can find with coffee, and grab as many bagels as I can out of the basket that has been set out on the breakfast bar downstairs. I wrap them in napkins, shove them deep into my bag and hightail it out of there before the owner, the creepy Miss Josephine, catches me. I have no doubt that if she caught me in the act that she’d order me to put them back.

Thoughts of Miss Josephine scolding me dance through my head as I drive across town to the house. She’d set her poodle on me. For sure. I smile as I turn down the tree-lined street and pull into the driveway. But as I do, something catches my eye, and my smile falls away.

There’s a red car sitting at the curb.

It’s Ash’s car.

And he’s standing outside, leaning back against it, smoking a cigarette.

I’m a little freaked out, but despite what my gut is telling me—to just shift the car into Reverse and pull back out and drive away—I let out a deep breath and turn off the car. I squeeze my eyes shut for a brief moment, shake off the discomfort and grab my bag from the passenger seat. I slide out of the car.

“I didn’t think you were going to show,” I call out to Ash as I slam the car door behind me. I clutch the keys in my fingers, letting the metal bite into my palm as I make my way across the grass to where he’s standing. “You didn’t call.” He nods and takes a last puff of his cigarette before dropping it and putting it out with his shoe.

“Yeah,” he says as I get close. “Sorry about that. My phone crapped out on me.” His pale eyes dart up to meet mine before dropping back to the ground. “Is the job still available?”