The fuck it will be. New York isn’t Joel’s to give.

Joker’s jaw ticks, contemplating Joel’s words. Why is he doing this? Why the fuck is he recruiting the Twisted Sons? And why does he need me—any of us—if he’s getting their help?

“Kid! Holy shit. Is that you?”

From the back room, a familiar man steps out. Graham? Last time I saw him, we were drinking with those two girls in the tunnels. He’s alive? How? I was sure Skull would have killed him by now.

I look at Emily so does everyone else.

“Pops?” Emily asks, her disbelief reflecting in her wide eyes, following through to the tone of her voice.

Joker adjusts the grip on his gun. “You know these other assholes, Crow?”

Graham Crow? He is Graham Crow? Of course he is. How’d I not put two and two together?

“I know her.” Crow states, glancing around the room until his dark eyes settle on me. “Him too.”

“Who the hell are they?”

“They were in the tunnels with me. They’re the ones who killed a handful of Skull’s men and escaped. They’re the reason he flooded the tunnels, killing just about everyone in them.” He beams widely as he adjusts his leather vest. “Good to see you.”

I swallow hard and nod. How many people were down there? I can’t remember. Still, the news of their death is another bucket of concrete on my shoulders. Their death is my fault.

Emily clears her throat. “Y-you mind helping us out?”

“Sure, once you tell us why you’re liaising with the man that killed my nephew.”

Jesus. I scowl at Joel. What else has he done that he’s failed to mention?

“Your nephew pulled a gun on me. I had no choice.” Joel’s attention flicks back to Joker. “Do you want your city back or not? Tomorrow night. All you gotta do is hear me out.”

Joker grinds his teeth, the thick muscles in his jaw clenching tightly. His knuckles are white, his fingers fighting the urge to pull the trigger. In my own hands, the gun is wet—slick with the efforts of my muscles as they fight the desire to shoot Joker in the head.

I can do it.

One squeeze. That’s all it will take.

“New York. You can guarantee me New York?”

Joel nods, moving the shotgun with his head. “I’ll deliver the city to you on a silver platter.”

Silence falls and it’s deafening. This is it. Decision time. We’re either going to die right here, right now, or we’ll live. To be honest...I don’t know which is worse.

Ten

****

Inhale

Emily

I can’t breathe. In my grasp, the vinyl on the stool is damp from the fearful sweat leaking from my palms. Joker is scary. A forty-something year old monster in leathers. He smells like whiskey and weed all mixed in with pussy and gun powder.

Jai has the same look on his face as Huss and Ted do. They’re pissed. They feel betrayed and why wouldn’t they? Joel lied to us. He brought us to this hell hole. He claimed it’s a place Skull and his people wouldn’t see us. Yeah, no shit. It’s because we’re hiding in the house of Skull’s enemy. Joel has balls, I’ll give him that, but he has risked all our lives without asking and that’s never okay.

My heart pounds like nothing else as my stare flicks between the gun pressed into Joel’s head, less than a feet away from me, and Jai—who is on the other side of the room with a gun in his hand and an unconscious man at his feet. I estimate twenty guns pointed in his direction and it makes me sick.

One slip.

All it takes is one little slip and he’s gone…and I haven’t even told him how I feel about him.

Joker lowers his gun, leaving an angry red circle in the middle of Joel’s forehead.

“Let’s talk.” He states, resting the gun against his shoulder as he turns around and walks the length of the bar with Joel on his heel.

No one moves. We wait, silently, until Joker and Joel disappear into the back room. Then, and only then, does my body allow me to empty my lungs and inhale fresh air.

“Lower your guns.” Pops—a.k.a Crow—orders, crossing the room to Jai and Ted. “It’s over.”

I release the stool and glance at my damp hands. They shake—vibrating like an airport runway. I don’t know how long I glance at my hands or why I’m feeling so numb. My stomach churns with emptiness and any lingering effects from the alcohol I’ve ingested tonight are gone. Scared sober. I guess it really is possible.

“How are you doing, kid?” I jolt, snapping my head up.

Crow stuffs his hands into the pockets of his black jeans. I survey his vest. The leather work is impeccable and the detail of the pale orange raging bull sewn into the breast of it is amazing.

“The usual…cheating death.” I chuckle nervously, rubbing my opposite elbow with my hand.

He smiles, his thin lips pulling up at the corners, and it’s friendly. “It’s good to see you.”

I offer him a fake smile. Is it though? I mean, he was going to let Joker kill us.

“You too.”

“You thirsty?” Crow moves close to the bar and rests his elbows on the scratched wood. “Lip! Two beers.”

I glance down the length of the bar and the man behind it, the one he called Lip, gives him a thumbs up. Huss catches my eye then as he lifts his glass of water to his mouth. His hands shake, like mine, and as he drinks, rogue drops of water spill down his chin and drip onto the bar. I’m glad I’m not the only one who was spooked by what just happened.

“Actually, I’m going to go get some air.” I fan my face as a boiling blast of nervous heat overcomes me. “If that’s okay?”

Crow nods. “Sure thing, love. Your beer will be here when you get back.”

Irrational tears well up in my eyes as the numbness in my chest fades. I will not cry here. I will not cry in front of all these people. I whirl around on my heel and march for the door. I grip the metal handle in the palm of my hand and pull the door open. A gust of cold air slams into me, drying my tears before they have the chance to fall. I close my eyes and inhale. The air feels like xylitol into my lungs, fresh and cold. I like to think I have grown strong through everything I’ve suffered through so far, but I haven't. I’ve grown so used to relaxing around the lake house that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be in a violent situation. It’s absolutely terrifying.

I hate that I’m so weak. Jai was able to handle his situation and Joel didn’t flinch as a loaded shotgun was pressed to his head—even Huss and Ted were able to stand strong. I saw the way they looked at me when it was happening—Joel, Huss, Ted, and Jai. Their concern was plain on their faces whenever their eyes met mine. They felt sorry for me...because I’m a girl. Because I’m not strong like them. It's not like it's unwarranted. I mean, I barely know how to use a gun and I sure as hell can’t fight off someone bigger and heavier than me. I don’t even know why I’m thinking this. I guess...I just wish I could be more like them. I wouldn’t be left behind to wait in the dark while they get shit done if I was more like them. I’ve said it before, when do I become not worth the trouble? When do I become the baggage they don’t want to carry anymore?

“Hey.”

"Oh!" I gasp, startling foreward.

Jai catches me, pressing the palm of his hand against my tummy as my thighs touch the wooden railing that sections off the five stair drop to the ground. With a firm squeeze, he pulls me back against his body where it's safe.

Where it's warm.

I was so consumed by my own pathetic thoughts I didn’t realize I had walked onto the porch. I didn't hear Jai sneak up behind me either.

I fall back against him, absorbing all of the warmth his body exudes. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he holds me tightly and lowers his head to my shoulder. I sigh as he plants a kiss on the nape of my neck. And another.