“That, I fear, will only make you swear more.”

“Can you kiss me now?”

He stood up and faced me. He looked concerned, his eyes moving back and forth, studying my own and probably trying to determine if I was crazy. But then, he leaned in and kissed me softly, a gentle peck, and said there, “I will not leave you.”

I nodded, though I wasn’t entirely committed to that belief. First, life had no guarantees, just like Holst had said before. Second, it wasn’t about him. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him. It was the damage done to me by the man who’d had my heart before him. But what I realized standing there, Holst absolutely knew that, too.

He confirmed this by saying, “We will always have ghosts, Katherine. But they don’t get to determine our futures unless we let them. I believe your ghost is gone, just not forgotten. But remember, I’m beside you in battle now.”

“Thank you,” I whispered then pressed my lips to his.

“You’re my Katherine,” he said. “Mine.”

“Yours,” I replied.

And I wasn’t even sure when he did it, but at some point, he slipped the ring on my finger.

A perfect fit.

***

Two days before Christmas, Holst and I were sitting on the couch, watching The Sound of Music—as you do, or I do anyway—when he turned to me and said, “I have to talk to you about work stuff.”

“Okay.” I muted the TV. It was the part when the Von Trapps are on the run, not much music. “You have my full attention.”

“Someone asked if they could hire out Bear Claw for a regular meeting every Monday night.”

“So, we need an employee there, right? I’m happy to do it, or if you want to trade off…”

He squeezed my hand and said, “This person is someone we trust, someone that can make coffee, clean up the place, and close it at the end of the meeting.”

“Holst…” I began, but he continued.

“Katherine, I have to share this with you because you’re my business partner, but also, my fiancée.”

“Your delivery of whatever you’re about to tell me is freaking me out. And not because you threw the ‘fiancée’ part in there. Just so we’re clear.”

“You’d possibly stop by, or the girls might ask you questions…”

“Stop beating around the bush. I’m not a blabber; I think you know that about me, babe.” Now I was getting kind of pissed-off.

“There’s going to be an AA meeting at Bear Claw every Monday night. They have a few meetings around town, but a few were looking for a new venue. As far as anyone else knows, that meeting is a bunch of nerds reliving their teens playing Dungeons and Dragons or Warhammer, one of those.” He chuckled.

“I have no problem with this, Holst. Tell me who it is.”

“Frodo, baby. He opened up to Dee, and when he did, he told her everything about himself. He didn’t want to keep any secrets from her, the good or the bad. She couldn’t handle it. I don’t know everything, but I know enough that, yeah, it would take a strong woman to handle his demons.”

“She is strong. She’s just scared of getting her heart broken again, and that, I totally understand. So, I’m gonna guess his demons are more than just a porn career?” I asked.

“He’s struggled with alcoholism, and the first time he found someone he believed he could have a future with…anyway, he started to drink again. I know him being at a meeting held at Bear Claw puts you in a position where you might have to lie to your friends.”

“It’s not my secret, Holst.”

“It’s going to come out eventually. Zack knows because he and Nico have had to cover for Frodo when he went downhill. They had a girl working for them, but she quit, and apparently, Zack’s sister helped cover, as well, but all those people saw a very drunk Frodo lose his proverbial shit in front of customers and co-workers and basically tear the place to shreds.”

“No shit?”

“No shit.”

“That seems…totally out of character for him.”

“Alcohol, or anything in excess for that matter, is poison. But the mindset of an alcoholic—I went to Alanon meetings for a while, just to wrap my head around the man my father allowed himself to become—they can rationalize anything for their addiction and the behavior that comes from it. Whether it’s beating your wife or hurting the people you love, they will find an excuse. Anyway, Frodo’s strong enough to start his recovery again, and that’s what matters now. Well, he has started his recovery again. But there’s something else, and this is the part I think is going to be the hardest for you.”

I turned off the TV. “Hit me.”

“Interesting choice of words,” he commented.

“Huh?”

“The day after he tore up the shop, he and Dee had final words. He hit her, Katherine. He doesn’t even remember doing it, just like my dad, and…he hit Dee.”

“Oh my God,” I whispered as he went blurry before me and tears streamed down my face. “She didn’t tell anyone, Holst. She went through that all alone?”

“Lark. Nico called Lark. She wasn’t alone, baby.” He pulled me into his arms, and I felt even worse, him comforting me when I wished I could comfort Dee. “That’s why he got help. His job comes with a lot of pressure and I think—”

“Giving people tattoos is a high-pressure job? What’s he afraid of? Misspelled words and Chinese symbols that mean fork instead of love?” I asked.

“That’s a story for another time, but yes.”

“I don’t want to hear anymore. It’s time for some happy. I want to open some ornaments, and I know we’re late on tree decorating, but I figure we can make this tree last until next July. We just won’t put any fire or electricity near it.”

He chuckled and closed his eyes. That was a lot for him to tell me, and my quick change in topic wasn’t for him; it was for me. The enormity of what Dee and Frodo were going through was extreme.

“So, Christmas day, we head out to your mom’s. Are we still on for drinks at Tori’s?”

“Yeah, we’re still on for drinks at Tori’s.” He brushed my hair away from my face, his body strong and sure before me as he said, “You’re a good friend, baby. You have no control over the choices your friends make.”

“I don’t know how to feel about Frodo,” I admitted.

Holst looked away from me and waited for what felt like minutes. “He’s a man with a disease. It doesn’t excuse what he did, but I believe he is a good man who reached his limit of all life has thrown at him. He reached out to hold the hand of a good woman, someone who would help him in his battles, and she chose not to take that on. The loss of the one person who holds the fate of your heart is a terrible pain, and it’s a pain you’ve felt before, Katherine. If for no other reason, you can empathize.”

He was right. Frodo and I had a lot more in common than I’d ever admit.

“Love you, Holst.”

“My heart, Katherine.”

Holst

I’d often mentioned to Katherine that I was now her partner in battle, because to me, that’s what life felt like sometimes. It was comforting to know you had someone by your side, through the thick and the thin. To pick you up when you fall, to help you be the man you were destined to be, but only fully realized when you had a good woman at your side.

I’d found that woman, like a prospector finding gold where no one thought to look. No one saw beyond her veil, beautiful as it was, as if they couldn’t be bothered. But I did, and there I’d found treasure within Katherine. Her heart was big, but too many people in her life, the ones that mattered, had discarded it. And though she accepted my ring on her finger, something wasn’t right.

And today, more than usual.

Early in the morning, I heard her phone buzz with a text message. She didn’t mention it, and I didn’t question it. I had no reason not to trust her, but she’d been on edge ever since.