“If you want to play with all the toys, you need to be in the Playground,” Ms. Holiday said. “Bring the kids with you.”

“We’re on our way,” Brand said, just before another explosion.

He opened the bathroom door and peeked into the hallway, gesturing for the delinquents to follow him.

As they turned a corner, they saw Ms. Dove at the end of the hall, pounding on a classroom door. Brand hurried the boys in another direction.

“Was that the principal?” one of the delinquents asked.

Brand shushed him. At Locker 41 they stopped, and Brand turned to look at the small band of people depending on him. “I guess we’re going to have to redefine what the word ‘classified’ means around here. Get in.”

“Huh?” the short one asked.

“It’s the secret entrance to a spy headquarters buried far below the school. Watch.” He snatched the short boy by the arm and pushed him into the locker. Before the kid could protest, Brand slammed the door and waited a few seconds. When he opened it, the boy was gone.

“Best. Day. Ever,” the three remaining troublemakers said, fighting to be next.

One by one they entered the locker and vanished until Brand was alone. Just as he was about to squeeze himself inside, Ms. Dove stomped around the corner. Brand quelled his panic. Where was Flinch?

“There’s my plover,” she said. “You’re supposed to be the bird that cleans up messes, but here you are, making one.”

“Lady, you’ve taken this whole bird thing way too far,” Brand said.

“Maybe you’re right, Janitor Brand, but there’s one thing you should never be confused about,” Ms. Dove said as she removed another one of her egg bombs from within her costume. “This is my nest.”

Brand forced himself into the locker as the little egg began to hiss. He slammed the door shut, and as he fell, he heard an explosion. He hoped the woman hadn’t destroyed the entrance to the Playground. He also hoped she couldn’t squeeze into the locker in that ridiculous costume. As he was whisked through the tubes, he accessed the com-link.

“Flinch! Are you OK, son?”

“I’m fine, boss,” Flinch said.

“I’m en route to the Playground now, along with a group of troublemakers I found trashing the bathroom.”

“Oh, you’ve met my friends,” Flinch said. “Listen, the bombs are screwing with the electronics in my harness so it’s going to take me a while to stop Colonel Cuckoo.”

“I think I can help,” Brand said as he floated down into the headquarters. Ms. Holiday and Dr. Kim were waiting with the boys and Benjamin. “All right, Benjamin, show me what to do.”

“You’re the boss,” Benjamin said.

A seat rose up out of the floor and Brand slid into it. Once he was comfortable, a touch-screen panel descended from the ceiling. He could see he had access to everything in the school: lights, water, power, even the air-conditioning. He also had access to a number of things he was surprised to know were buried in the walls, including an intercom system. He pushed that button first.

“Ms. Dove, this is Mr. Brand,” he said as an image of the principal in her chicken suit appeared on-screen. She was stalking Flinch through the hallway, leaving a trail of feathers behind her.

“Who said that?” she squawked.

“It’s your plover bird, and I’m here to clean up a mess,” he said.

“Where are you?” she cried.

“Oh, somewhere safe.”

“Get out of my school!” she cried. “This is my school!”

Brand pushed a button on the panel and water showered down on the woman from the sprinklers in the ceiling. “No, Ms. Dove. This is my school.”

The woman raced down the hall, only to come to a screeching halt when a panel slid open and fire cannons erupted, creating a wall of flames. She fell backward and raced in the other direction. The cameras followed her every step. Wyatt, Hooper, Toad, and Jessie hovered around Brand, eyeing the action.

“What’s that button do?” Jessie asked, reaching out to touch it.

“Stop! I don’t know what it does!” Brand snapped.

“That releases a sleeping gas which renders everyone unconscious within thirty seconds,” Benjamin said.

Brand eyed Jessie with a frown but pushed the button. Jessie chuckled, and together they watched a milky white gas seeping into the hallways.

“Flinch, Ms. Dove is going to sleep for a while, and if you don’t want to join her I need you down here now,” Brand said.

Flinch was already floating down from the top of the dome. “Already on it, Chief.”

Brand watched Ms. Dove hobble down the hall, tossing her egg bombs in all directions. It was a desperate effort to create chaos, but the effects of the gas were already evident. She was slowing down and seemed confused. Finally, she stopped in the middle of her sprint to lazily flap her wings. “You won’t take this place from me,” she cried. “I’d rather destroy this nest than give it to another bird.”

“Good night, Ms. Dove,” Brand said.

But the woman had one last bomb. She removed it from her belt. This one was as big as a bowling ball.

Brand scanned the panel for something to help. If that bomb was as powerful as it looked, it might take down the entire school—and the Playground below it—in one big blast.

“Not that I know for sure,” Hooper said, “but I think this button here with the big hammer on it has potential.”

Brand shrugged and pushed it. He watched on the view screen as a battering ram swung down from the ceiling. It slammed into Ms. Dove and knocked her down the hallway. The giant egg fell to the floor and lay still, as did Ms. Dove.

Brand eased back into his chair and took a deep breath.

“Good job, boss,” Hooper said.

Brand rolled his eyes and then smiled. “You know, I’m starting to like middle school.”

ALL RIGHT, MY LITTLE ATHLETE! LET’S GET BACK TO YOUR GRUELING PHYSICAL FITNESS EXAM. I’VE GOT ANOTHER STUNT … I MEAN, EXERCISE FOR YOU TO ACCOMPLISH.

ONE HUNDRED SIT-UPS.

OF COURSE YOU WANT WASHBOARD ABS—WHAT KID WOULDN’T? WELL, THEY DON’T JUST HAPPEN. IF YOU WANT TO BE THE LEAN, ATTRACTIVE PERSON I AM THEN YOU CAN’T WISH FOR IT—YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT.

FIRST, LIE ON THE FLOOR AND PUT A BOOK ON YOUR BELLY. SECOND, SUPPORT YOUR NECK WITH A TOWEL TO PREVENT STRAIN. NEVER PULL ON YOUR NECK. THIRD, BEND YOUR KNEES. FOURTH, SIT UP AND FEEL THE BURN. BUT DON’T LET THE BOOK SLIP OFF YOU!

YEAH! THAT’S IT! NO PAIN, NO GAIN, I’M JUST GOING TO SIT OVER HERE AND EAT MY ICE-CREAM CONE AND WATCH. WHEN YOU’RE FINISHED, RUB YOUR BELLY ON THE SENSOR SO I CAN GAUGE HOW WELL YOU DID.

Flinch watched as Wyatt, Hooper, Jessie, and Toad raced around the Playground, fiddling with inventions and handling weapons they couldn’t possibly understand. Every once in a while there was a small explosion followed by a chorus of laughter. Brand looked like he was going to pull out his own hair.

“This place is awesome!” Wyatt said from somewhere in the science department. There was a crash and the sound of breaking glass. “Look at all this cool stuff!”

“Are you sure having them here is a good idea?” Flinch asked his boss.

“It’s a terrible idea,” Brand said. “But they’ve seen so much I can’t just let them go, and it’s too dangerous to have them running around in the school all by themselves. At least down here I can keep an eye on them.”