A MEMBER OF THE TEAM. IF
YOU WANT TO BE A SECRET
AGENT, YOU HAVE TO MAKE
SACRIFICES. SO INSERT
YOUR ELBOW IN YOUR EAR,
REMOVE SOME WAX, AND
APPLY IT TO THE SENSOR.
NO, I’M NOT KIDDING. WHY
WOULD I MAKE THAT UP?
ELBOW.
EARWAX.
NOW!
LEVEL 7
ACCESS GRANTED
BY THE WAY —
THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST
THING I’VE EVER SEEN.
YOU LOOKED RIDICULOUS.
THE FOLLOWING ARE RECORDED
TRANSCRIPTS OF CALLS MADE
FROM THE HYENA’S DIGITAL
PHONE TO UNKNOWN PERSONS.
September 30, 13:05
Unknown:
Hello.
Hyena:
Hey, my name is the Hyena. I’m a professional assassin and I was wondering if you guys need anyone killed over there. I do a lot of freelance work.
Unknown:
Uh, what did you say your name was?
Hyena:
The Hyena.
Unknown:
Yeah, well, thanks for your call, but we do our killing in-house.
Hyena:
Well, could I at least send my résumé? You never know when problems might spring up.
Unknown:
How old are you?
Hyena:
I’m twelve ... almost thirteen.
<Connection is lost>
Hyena:
Hello? Hello?
September 30, 13:20
Unknown:
Secret Lair. How can I help you?
Hyena:
I was wondering if you’re hiring contract killers.
Unknown:
Hmmm, I don’t think so. I know we’ve got plenty of positions open for goons.
Hyena:
No thanks.
September 30, 13:28
Unknown:
Fortress of Doom. How can I direct your cell?
Hyena:
Yes, I saw your ad for the assassin job.
Unknown:
Let me transfer you our human resources department.
<CLICK>
Unknown HR:
Human Resources.
Hyena:
Yes, I was calling in regard to the ad I saw on Craigslist for the assassin job.
Unknown HR:
Yes, I’m afraid we filled that position.
Hyena:
Fudge.
Unknown HR:
But the boss just went on a killing spree yesterday and a dozen henchmen were cut in half by our giant saw.
Hyena:
Henchman, huh? What’s the costume?
Unknown HR:
Bumblebee.
Hyena:
(Sighs) How bad is it?
Unknown HR:
(Whispering) Between you and me, it’s horrible. The suit is yellow and black and makes you look fat. Black tights, black turtleneck, goofy hat with bouncy antennas, but the worst part is the stinger on the bum. The boss has a thing about hives. Calls himself the Yellow Jacket. Looks like a complete moron ...
<LOUD SOUND>
Unknown HR:
Hey! Let go of me!
Hyena:
What’s going on?
Unknown HR:
No, I won’t go. No! Oh, help me. They’re taking me to the saw!
<Connection is lost>
September 30, 13:30
Unknown:
Domino’s Pizza.
Hyena:
Yeah, how far north do you deliver?
Unknown:
How far north are you?
Hyena:
By the pole.
Unknown:
What pole?
Hyena:
The North one.
<Connection is lost>
Hyena:
I hate this crummy job.
When Jackson arrived home, he weighed his options. Should he tell his father about his secret life? Or keep silent? He had promised never to reveal the existence of NERDS, but he began to wonder if it was a promise he could keep.
As he opened his front door, he made a decision. “Dad! I have something important to tell you,” he shouted as he entered the house and walked down the hall. In the dining room, he saw something that shocked him to the core. Mr. Dehaven was sipping a cup of coffee. Jackson’s father was sitting across from him. Butch was in a chair too. Jackson wasn’t sure which of the three had the more disapproving look.