Then there was Ryver. Born to a prick of a dad and a Mexican immigrant mom, he hadn’t seen his mother since he was three years old. She’d been deported back to Mexico, and his dad had hired people to take care of him. It was his life goal to bring his mom back to the U.S. He and I on the guitar were electric. We had had a fling at one time, but we were both too fucked up to make it anything. He was hot and great in bed, but we decided our band was more important.

I threw my head back as I chased my release, hating myself for still picturing Johnny as I crashed over the edge. I puffed short breaths out of my mouth, needing more. Wanting more. I forced myself to go into the shower and wash off the sweat and makeup from the show and stop thinking about the hot dark haired guy that was just a few floors down at the bar.

“You look smoking hot,” Natalie commented, walking up behind me in my bathroom. I smiled at her, continuing to do my makeup. She sat on the edge of the bathtub, watching me. “You know that guy Johnny that handles the band stuff here? God, I want that inside me.”

I poked myself in the eye with the eyeliner I was holding, stepping back and holding my eye. “FUCK!”

She hurried to my side. “What happened? Are you okay?”

I blinked, tears dripping out of my eye. There went my makeup. That hurt like hell. “I stabbed myself in the fucking eye. Shit, that hurts.”

“Rinse it with some water,” she said. Natalie was a year older than me, and the only sister-like figure I’d ever had. I listened, knowing I was going to have to start over with the makeup anyway. I’d be okay if she didn’t say one more word about what she wanted to do with Johnny. Not that I cared, right? Right.

Once the crisis was averted and my makeup was done, I stepped back to look at my profile. My eye was still watering but not too bad. Tonight’s choice of outfit was a pair of leather shorts and a low cut tank. My hair was teased up and in a high ponytail. I had big hoops dangling from my ears. It was rumored that tonight’s crowd would be double last night’s.

My stomach fluttered with nerves. Who knew that I’d ever be here? Not that we were big by any means, but hell. I never thought I’d have the attention of a major rock band that I idolized, much less be going on tour with them.

Fuck you, Dad. Look at me now. I am what I am despite you. I shook my head, ridding myself of thinking of him. I wasn’t going to waste two more seconds on that piece of shit.

“Anyway, as I was saying before you tried to gouge your eye out, I want to try to get Johnny to come up with me tonight. Do you think he would?”

Damn it, she brought it up anyway. I shrugged. “How the fuck do I know? Why would you want that anyway?”

Natalie’s eyes bugged out of her head. She stepped up and put her hand on my forehead. I smacked it away. “Are you ill? Bexley Jade, you seriously never cease to amaze me.”

“What? So he’s a guy. He has a dick the same as all other guys.”

She snorted. “Bex. My god. He oozes sex. The second I saw that man I knew he had to be a god in bed. I want that inside my . . .”

“Okay,” I interrupted. “That’s enough of that. If you want him, get him. Just don’t be crying to me when he breaks your heart.”

She looked confused. “My heart? I don’t want anything to do with hearts, Bex. He can break me in other ways, though.”

My stomach rolled. She had to shut up and now. “Where are the guys?”

“Waiting on you, Master,” she teased. “I’ll get them if you’re ready.”

I looked at the chain watch on my wrist. We had fifteen minutes until show time. “Yeah, go get them. We can warm up.”

The second the door shut, I gripped the edge of the dresser and stared at myself in the mirror. Get. A fucking. Grip, Bexley. You’re going to go down there and put on the show and pretend Johnny doesn’t exist.

I stood up, glaring at myself in the mirror. Yes, that’s exactly what I was going to do.

I jumped around the stage, the headset that was attached to my head booming my voice throughout The Outrigger. Sweat rolled down my back and strands of my hair were matted to my face, but I didn’t care about any of that. The crowd was easily twice as big as last night’s, and they were singing along with us and I was in my element. I lived for the feeling of performing on stage and getting lost in the euphoria of playing. It was the only time I felt truly alive. It was the only thing that made me feel like the person I wanted to be.

Ryver came up next to me and we rocked around the stage together, both of us intent on the chords we were playing. Tanner was behind us, accompanying us, and Beau was awaiting his turn. As the song finished, I took a deep breath and wiped my forehead. It was just then that I saw Johnny standing at the edge of the crowd.

Shit. His eyes were boring into mine. The expression on his face was hard to read; he looked almost pissed. He wore the standard uniform for The Outrigger employees: black shirt with the logo on the front and khaki shorts. Hot damn if he didn’t wear it much better, though. His dark sunglasses were on top of his head, and his chiseled jaw was covered by his short beard. I couldn’t stop myself from watching his muscles flex as he moved. Why was I attracted to him? So he was ripped and oozed sex appeal from every pore. Who cared?

I want that inside me, I remembered Natalie saying earlier. Well, Natalie could have him. I turned away, forcing the buzz of anticipation that had started low in my belly back where it belonged. I scanned the crowd, wishing for someone else to grab my attention that I could actually do something with.

Why can’t you do something with him, the lady bits talked again. I willed them to shut up and signaled Beau to start the next set. This was a song that Beau and I had co-written also, called ‘Lock Me Up.’

The hours flew by and before I knew it, we were saying our goodbyes to night two. We had one more night at The Outrigger before we took a sabbatical to rehearse our show before touring. We’d be practicing in a makeshift ‘studio’, which was really an office building we’d rented. Someday maybe we’d be able to afford a real place.

I drank an entire bottle of water, some of it running out of my mouth and into the slit in my shirt. My whole body was sticky and sweaty, and the cool stream of water was relieving. Good thing I was used to these humid Florida nights, because they could seriously mess with you. I followed the guys through the back hallway towards the manager’s office and a small room where we’d hung out prior to the show. It kept us from having to walk through the crowd to leave, which could get hairy.

I turned to see Natalie talking to Johnny, and I rolled my eyes. Good. Maybe he’d leave me alone if she paid him some attention.

“Damn, it’s hot.” I lifted my shirt and flapped it, trying to get some air. My leather shorts were stuck to me like a second skin. The lights shining down on us during the show didn’t help the heat factor either. I grabbed another bottle of water and sucked it down, my stomach growling. I wondered if Johnny was going to deliver our food again.

Beau opened his bottle and flung water at me. “Stop!” I snapped.

“Just trying to cool you off,” he shrugged, putting the cap back on the bottle. He was used to my demands. If there was anyone that truly got me, it was him. We’d met almost exactly ten years ago, the month I moved in to what would be my final foster home. We’d immediately connected. Playing music with him and running away from the home together, along with Natalie, had been the only thing that kept me from losing it completely. Even though Natalie couldn’t carry a tune to save her life, she’d taken on the role of being our protector and manager, and that was fine with me.