“I…” Gannon’s smile seemed fragile. “I wanted to see you.”

Cam nodded, processing those words. “But I was supposed to come to your house.”

“I know, but I was impatient.” Gannon held up a bag. “So I brought dinner to you.”

Snapping out of it, relieved to see Gannon, regardless of where they were, he erased the distance between them. Without hesitating, he cradled Gannon’s face in his hands and gently pressed his lips to Gannon’s. He didn’t try for more, content to feel the stubble along his jaw, his soft lips, his breath against his face.

Finally, after several seconds, he pulled back, keeping his eyes locked with Gannon’s. “What did you bring?”

Gannon held out the bag for Cam to take, then closed the door behind him. Opening it, he peered inside. Laughing, he looked up at Gannon.

“You said pizza is always good,” Gannon noted.

“I did. But this is frozen pizza.”

For the first time since he’d walked in, Gannon finally smiled, and Cam felt the tension in his chest break.

“Look under it,” Gannon instructed.

Moving the small box out of the way, he found a can of chicken noodle soup.

“You want me to make you dinner?” Cam inquired, grinning.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Gannon answered, stepping forward. “But if you don’t want to, that’s okay, because I stopped down at the restaurant. Jeremy’s making burgers and fries.”

Of course he was. Gannon was always thinking ahead. Something Cam found incredibly attractive.

“You wanna eat down there?” Cam asked.

Gannon shook his head. “Not really. But if you want to get drinks, I’ll run down there and grab the food.”

“I can do that.”

Gannon slipped out the door, and Cam headed for the refrigerator, his heart still racing. He still couldn’t believe Gannon was there, that he’d come to see him. Even though he had every right to be pissed at Cam for how Cam had acted, he was there.

Cam swallowed hard.

He shoved the frozen pizza into the freezer, then set the canned soup on the counter before retrieving two beers. He placed them on the coffee table, then went to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. He wasn’t sure why he was nervous, but he was. Seeing Gannon … although it was a relief, there was still friction there.

Cam knew that the only way to move forward was to explain to Gannon why he’d reacted so irrationally. He’d never explained it to anyone before. Only his closest friends—Roan and Dare—knew what had happened. Reliving that day, it fucked up his head every time.

But Cam knew Gannon deserved the truth. He deserved to know that Cam couldn’t change who he was and he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t freak out in the future. The panic attacks made him do crazy things.

The only thing he could hope was that Gannon understood and that they could figure out a way to move forward.

One way or another.

A couple of hours later, after they’d had dinner and watched a sitcom on television, Cam had convinced Gannon to go back to the spot where they’d first gone skinny-dipping. Reluctantly, Gannon had agreed, but he’d been relieved when Cam promised they wouldn’t be swimming tonight.

Now, as they sat on the sandy shore, drinking beer and watching the lights in the distance, Gannon managed to relax.

“I need to tell you something,” Cam said softly, causing Gannon to look at him. He was sitting, knees up, wrists resting on his knees, beer bottle dangling from his fingers.

Okay, so Gannon had been relaxed. Now, not so much.

Rather than say anything, Gannon allowed Cam to continue.

“When you went to California…”

Gannon waited, his breath lodged in his chest. He had no idea where this was going or what Cam was going to say or ask, but he managed to keep his mouth shut, his throat working overtime as he swallowed past the dryness.

“I shouldn’t’ve freaked out and I shouldn’t’ve ignored you,” Cam admitted, and Gannon released the air from his lungs. “I told you my mother died.”

When Cam looked over at him, Gannon nodded, hoping to encourage him to keep talking.

“My mother worked for a local tech company. She traveled to other locations, training people. From what I remember, she was gone several times a month, sometimes a few days, sometimes a week or more at a time.”

Cam lifted his beer to his lips and Gannon tried not to stare at him.

Bringing the bottle back down by his legs, Cam continued, “When I was sixteen, she went down to Florida. Regular trip, supposed to be gone a couple of days.”

Gannon swallowed hard, fearing where this was going.

“She never came home.” Cam paused, took a few breaths. “A couple of the cops showed up at the house to let us know they’d found her body in a hotel room.”

“Brain aneurysm,” Gannon said softly, remembering Cam’s explanation of how she’d died.

Cam nodded, staring out at the water. “She died alone. And though they said it was probably quick, I still can’t imagine what it would’ve been like to be alone like that.”

So Cam’s fear wasn’t about Gannon cheating. It was about Gannon leaving and never coming back. Gannon could’ve explained to Cam that the traveling had nothing to do with it, that his mother had died of a brain aneurysm, that it had ruptured. It would’ve happened whether she was on a trip or at home. Either way, Cam would’ve lost his mother.

But he didn’t say that because it wouldn’t have helped.

Placing a hand on Cam’s shoulder, Gannon squeezed lightly. He knew there weren’t any words that could make it any easier, no matter how he tried to rationalize it. Even all these years later.

So, instead of offering empty platitudes or random explanations, Gannon decided to share his own secret. “A few weeks before my seventeenth birthday,” Gannon began, taking a sip of his beer and swallowing hard, “I remember sitting in my bedroom, talking on the phone with this guy I’d met at school. His name was Chad. I’d met him in my math class that year.

“We’d hung out after school a couple of times and had just started talking on the phone. Endless hours of conversation about everything and nothing. Thought I was in love with him. First boy I’d felt that way about and I knew I had to tell my parents. I wanted them to support me.”

Gannon didn’t look at Cam when he felt Cam’s eyes sliding over his face.

“Chad had warned me not to say anything, but Chad was a senior, and we’d been talking about prom. I wanted to go to prom with him so badly that was all I could think about. Not that it would’ve been a good idea either way. It wasn’t like either of us were out, but I wasn’t thinking about that. Here was this guy who was giving me all his attention, and I was soaking it up like a sponge.

“Anyway, when I got off the phone with Chad, I went to the kitchen, where I knew my father would be reading the paper and my mother would be going through the monthly bills. I’d been so hyped from that phone call I didn’t think twice about telling my parents why I was smiling when they asked.”

Gannon drained what was left of his beer.

“God, I remember my mother’s face. She was horrified. But my father… He went off the rails. I’d spent so much time thinking about that conversation, about telling my parents that I was gay. I guess I’d come up with my own ending to that story. A happy one, where they embraced me and told me that they were proud of me and that they loved me for who I was, no matter what.” Gannon grunted. “I’d been a dreamer, because that night, my worst fears were realized. They told me that I was an abomination, that I needed some help. My mother mentioned treatment, and my father harped on religion.

“I told them there wasn’t anything to fix, I wasn’t broken. But when I refused to go to the church so they could try and exorcise the demons, they told me to get out and never come back. So, I calmly went to my bedroom, pulled out my suitcase, packed as much of my shit as I could take with me, and I left. Walked two blocks over to my friend’s house and asked to sleep on his couch. Haven’t seen my parents, or my brother, since.”