There was a bus stop close by and a taxi rank in front of the station. She instantly dismissed both modes of transport. And she didn’t want to call Joel either. Even though she’d been on the train for hours, she needed more time to think. She decided to walk back to the flat. If the police were there, these could be her last twenty minutes of freedom.

It was that time of day, just before dusk, when everything was starting to merge into greyness. The briny smell of the sea floated on the air and she breathed it in, filling her lungs. Even though a drizzly rain was falling, she walked slowly, savouring the sights and sounds. She paused at shop windows, gazing at the displays. She stared up at the darkening sky. She looked at the faces of the people passing by.

It was only when she moved from the bustle of town to the quieter surroundings of the back streets that the events of the morning began to press down on her again: the coffin in the church, the priest intoning, Sharon Gissing taking her arm, Wayne Gissing’s hand clamping down on her shoulder, Nathan Stone dragging her along the path towards the car.

Sadie half closed her eyes, wishing she could wipe out the past few weeks and start again. She felt like she had become a different person, shedding a skin to reveal a woman she barely recognised. So much had changed. One small lie had turned into a bigger one, that bigger one into an enormous one, until she had reached the point where her entire existence was governed by deceit.

And now she had shot a man.

She drew in a breath. How was that possible? What had happened to the happy, contented Sadie Wise who’d found love with a man who would never let her down? It was only now, faced with losing everything, that she realised how truly blessed she’d been. If only she had shown more patience and not been in so much of a hurry to sever the ties to Eddie. If only she hadn’t gone to London. If only she’d never set eyes on Nathan Stone.

As she turned the corner into Buckingham Road, Sadie felt her chest tighten. She stuck to the side that was darkest, skulking in the shadows like a fugitive. Peering through the gloom, she searched for unfamiliar cars, for policemen waiting to pounce. As she carefully advanced, she heard Nathan Stone’s voice whispering in her ear. I’ll sort it out. She wanted to believe him, but in her heart she knew it was an impossible task. The knot was too big, too tangled, to ever be unravelled.

By the time she reached the house, her nerves were stretched to their limit. The lights on the ground floor were on and she could see Joel at work through the slatted blinds. She stood looking in, feeling suddenly as if she was staring at a stranger. She was reminded of those times she’d walked by other people’s houses in winter, observing rooms where the curtains were still open, catching a snapshot of someone else’s life and wondering what it was like.

Sadie stayed there for a while, watching Joel move around inside. At any second she expected to hear the sound of a car door slamming, of footsteps pounding along the pavement, but everything remained quiet. She waited until her heart rate had slowed before pushing the gate open and walking up the drive. She unlocked the door, stepped into the hall and put down the holdall.

‘It’s only me,’ she called out. ‘I’m back.’

Joel came striding out of the workroom, his mouth widening into a smile as he hurried over to take her in his arms. ‘You’re all wet,’ he said, holding her close and speaking into the crown of her head. ‘Why didn’t you call? I’d have come and picked you up.’

Sadie leaned into his chest, breathing in his scent, taking the opportunity to feel safe again – even if wasn’t going to last for ever. ‘It’s not far. I just fancied a walk.’

‘Are you okay? Was it awful?’

She screwed up her eyes and sighed. Awful. The word barely began to describe the horror of the morning. ‘It was… well, I’ve had better days.’

‘It’s over now,’ he murmured.

Sadie wished that was true. She wished she had the strength, the courage, to look him in the eyes and tell him the goddamn truth. He would be shocked, confused, upset. He would probably feel betrayed, but it was better that the truth came from her than from someone else. She lifted her head, intending to speak, but the words lodged in her throat. Once she spoke out, everything would change. The thought of it was unbearable.

‘I missed you,’ he said.

‘I’ve only been gone for a day.’

‘It felt like longer.’

Sadie stood on her toes, reached up and kissed him on the mouth. ‘I know.’ Yes, she would tell him, she decided, she would tell him every vile and dreadful detail, but not right now. Just for a while she wanted her old life back. She wanted to push away all the fear and bury all the horror. She wanted to pretend that everything was fine.

‘Come on, let’s get you upstairs,’ he said. ‘You look worn out.’

They separated and as Joel reached down for the holdall, he noticed that it wasn’t the same bag she’d left with. ‘This is new,’ he said. ‘What happened to the other one?’

‘The zip broke,’ Sadie said, quickly intercepting him and picking up the bag herself. She didn’t want him to feel how light it was. ‘I had to chuck it.’ She frowned even as she was speaking. Lie number one. She’d only been home for five minutes and already she was making up stories.

‘I’ll take it,’ he said, holding out his hand.

‘No, I can manage. It isn’t heavy.’ She started up the stairs before he could insist, climbing at a brisk pace while she tried to change the subject. ‘So what’s been happening? Any news since I’ve been away?’

‘Your London friend called.’

Sadie felt her heart sink. ‘Mona?’

‘Who?’

Sadie flinched. The name had been out of her mouth before she’d had time to think about it. Of course he didn’t know her as Mona. It was a good thing she had her back to him or he’d be able to see the red flush burning her face. She rapidly tried to cover up her mistake. ‘She’s an old friend, just someone I bumped into at the funeral. I haven’t seen her for years. She said she might call and…’

‘No, I meant Anne.’

‘Oh, right. Anne. What did she want?’

‘Just a chat, I think. I told her you were away, that you’d give her a ring when you got back.’

‘Yeah, I’ll do that. Did she… did she say anything else?’

‘To be honest, she sounded like she’d had a drink or two. She kept rambling on about the fairground, about how you’d promised to take her there. And then there was some weird stuff about her father. It didn’t make much sense.’

Sadie sucked in a breath and glanced over her shoulder. ‘What kind of stuff?’

‘I didn’t really get the gist. She kept insisting that she had to speak to you, that it was urgent and that you were the only one who understood. I take it she and her dad don’t get on.’

‘I’ve no idea,’ Sadie said, flustered. She swung round the banister on the first floor, her hand gripping the polished wood, and headed up towards the flat. ‘It was probably just the drink talking.’

‘Oh, yes, and she said I was to tell you that before Christmas would be better than after. I’m not sure what she meant but she kept repeating it over and over, insisting that I pass the message on.’

Sadie reached the second floor, walked along the landing, turned the handle, pushed open the door and went inside. Her heart had started up its hammering again. ‘I-I think she means a visit. She was talking about coming to Haverlea for a few days.’ How many lies was that now? And all she was doing was digging a bigger and bigger hole for herself. She cleared her throat, aware that her voice sounded hoarse and odd. ‘Did anyone else ring?’

‘No. Were you expecting someone?’

Sadie was wondering if the police had called to find out when she’d be back. ‘Not really. I just… I thought Mum might have been in touch.’