He looks in my eyes. “What the hell happened? For the life of me, I can’t figure it out. Did you not come to my bed, strip naked, and fucking climb me, basically begging for my cock? Tell me, what the fuck did I do?” He beats his left hand against his chest, and I see the pain it causes him. He yells again, “Tell me, goddamn you!”

He draws his fist back as if he’s going to strike the brick wall, and I yell, “No!” Then I grab it and cry.

“Tales, come the fuck on. Talk to me.”

I strangle the sob and shake my head, releasing his hand. That’s when he grabs my face and pulls it to his.

“Talk. To. Me.”

When I close my eyes, he grabs me by the ass and lifts me, walking us to the door of my apartment building. “Your mom home?”

“No.”

“Apartment number?”

“No.”

“Fine, then right here.” He pushes me back against the wall under the stairwell, pulls a condom out of his pocket, and tears it open with his teeth. “You fucked anyone else?”

“No,” I cry. “No, I haven’t.”

“You gonna tell me no?” he asks as he unzips his jeans and sheaths himself. “Tales, say the word no, or I am gonna give you something I know you want. I can fucking smell your desire. I can see it lighting up in Emerald City. You know who the fuck I am?”

“Memphis,” I answer as my head drops to his shoulder while he rips my panties and pushes, not one, but two fingers inside me.

I cry out as his fingers move and twist swiftly in and out, feeling the burn immediately.

“No. I’m the fucking Wizard of Oz, Tales.” He rubs himself against my wet flesh, then pushes in. “The wizard controls Emerald City, you feel me?”

When he shoves inside of me again, I immediately feel an orgasm’s tug.

“God, yes.” I bite his shoulder as he rams himself in and out of me over and over as I tremble, shake, and contract everywhere.

He doesn’t stop; he fucks me hard and unforgiving as he sucks on my neck and bites it harder than ever before.

“You.” He rams into me again. “Don’t.” And again. “Get.” And again. “Two.” And again. “Hours.” And again. “Of my cock.” And Again. “Until I know.” And Again. “Why you’re doing this!” He growls right before he comes apart.

His dick twitches inside of me as he comes. I feel each burst, absorb each thrust, take it because I want him so badly.

As he sets me on my feet and leans in, I am shaking and breathless.

I lean up to kiss him, but he pulls back.

“You don’t get my mouth again, Tales. Yours is for either sucking my cock or answering my questions.” He pulls the condom off, takes my hand, and drops the used rubber into it. “Get on the damn pill. I’m sick of using these fucking things.” He pushes his thick, semi erect dick inside his black jeans and walks away.

On shaking, post orgasm legs, still quaking inside, I walk down the hall and toss the used condom in the trash, walk up three flights of stairs, trip into my apartment, and then fall onto my bed and cry myself to sleep.

***

A month later, I walk out of the dance studio and onto Broadway. If I hurry, I’ll catch the early train back to Hoboken and get home to soak my feet.

I am exhausted. Since my return a month ago, I picked up two classes a day at Classic’s Dance Studio. Six days a week before and after, I dance with my tour crew, and we practice anywhere from five to seven hours, five, sometimes six, days a week.

Mom and I have a two bedroom that I love. She was against it at first, because it was more than her social security check from dad’s death every month, and she felt it was indulgent. I told her a moderate indulgence was acceptable.

Everything should be in moderation, even indulgences. Anything else is either gluttonous and will fill you until you burst or starves the soul and kills you. That’s my new way of looking at life and also the only reason I can still look in the mirror.

When I round the corner, I see Madison. She looks like she wants to smile, like she’s ready to burst. Her long, straight, black hair is piled high on her head, and her eyes are covered with some ultra-chic sunglasses that are too big for her face but look amazing, regardless.

I stop in front of her and give her sunshine, and then I give her rain.

She reaches out and pulls me tight. “I am so mad at you right now, Tales. You’re breaking his heart.”

“I just can’t be with him. I just want him to do his thing and become who he is meant to be.”

“And what about you?” She looks around. “Is this who you are meant to be? Where you are meant to end up? Fuck, Tales, from Julliard to …”

“Broadway.” I shrug. “I really like teaching. I’m content.” I wipe the tears from my face. “What about you?”

“I’m not ready to go back to school. I think I’m going to take a year off, maybe do some online stuff. I just want to be with my mom right now. You know how it is.” She points to the building. “You like it here?”

I nod because, if I tell her in words, it’ll feel more like a lie than it is.

“Tales.” She looks dead serious. “You have to talk to him. He’s doing some really fucked up things lately.” She laughs nervously.

“Like …?” She shakes her head. “Not drugs, right? He’s not—” I can’t even ask if he’s addicted.

“Well, he really likes his pain pills, and he actually fell asleep during recording last month.”

“When last month?” I wonder if it was before or after our encounter.

She smirks and shakes her head. “The stairwell day.” I gasp. “Tales, he isn’t really quiet about the way he feels. He’s also adamant that he’s gonna wait you out.”

“Wait me out?” He hasn’t let go. Immediately, I feel happy, but I shouldn’t. And, oh, my, goodness, he told her!

She looks at me, not answering. After a few minutes, she sighs.

“Look, come have dinner with me.”

“My mom …” I start.

“Don’t give me that shit. It’s Wednesday; she’s at a woman’s church thing, isn’t she?”

“Madison, it really is best if we just—”

“I know, okay? I fucking know, and I’m sorry, but shit happens, and—”

“What do you know?”

“About your dad. About my dad. It wasn’t a woman in his bed at that hotel, Tales. I didn’t see his face, but fuck … Do I even need to keep going? I mean, it’s really not something a girl wants to remember.”

“You knew, and you didn’t tell me!” I yell at her. She looks stunned.

“You didn’t tell me, either. It’s really not a fucking conversation you ever expect to have with anyone, let alone your best friend whose father is a fucking minister and apparently a bottom—” I cover her mouth with my hand and scowl.

“Shut your face,” I hiss at her.

She starts laughing and hugs me. “Oh, Tales. To think, we could have been step—”

“You really have to be quiet. Imagine the scandal. Imagine what they would say about Memphis.”

“Oh, my God, that’s why you won’t admit you’re in love with him. That’s why you’re pushing him away. Tales, that’s so gallant of you, but you’re the chick. Let the one with the dick figure that out.”

It feels good that someone else knows, but it shouldn’t. It should feel good that it is Mads and not a random stranger, but it doesn’t. It feels awful that Memphis might have to face this, but if I open my mouth he will…He will hate me.

“Does your mom know?”

“Not sure. You’re the only person I’ve talked to. Does yours?”

“No, absolutely not. I think she would die.”

“Or join a cult,” Mads says, smiling sadly.

“Or that.” I smile back in the exact same way.

“Come to dinner with me?”

I nod. “I would really, really like that.”

“Me, too. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”  I just didn’t think I should be allowed to feel that way after keeping the secret from her, but she did the same. What a mess. What a complete and total mess.

“I’ve missed you more than my brother has.”