“I love it,” she whispers, her eyes wide as her hands turn the helmet to see the other side again. “I love it.” This time when she says the words, her eyes meet mine, and a warmth passes through me that has my eyes once again filling with tears.
“WHAT DO you do on the weekends? Like party and shit?” I appreciate that Parker often begins conversations at a completely random point, skipping over customary greetings and diving right into whatever his question or intent is. Sometimes it makes my head spin as I mentally exchange the pleasantries out of habit before I’m able to respond, but I’m slowly adjusting.
“More like work and shit.” I drop the dishtowel I was using to dry the counters and lean against the stove to face him. I’ve been here for over an hour, waiting for Mercedes. Summer picked her up from school to go get fitted for a new bike, something I didn’t even know happened, leaving me to find something to do to occupy myself. I settled on deep cleaning the kitchen.
“But you’re young! You’re supposed to be having fun, making mistakes!”
“Yeah, that’s just never been me. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I was raised in a small town where it was really hard to get into much trouble because everyone knew who everyone was and what they were or were not supposed to be doing. Like my friend got grounded for two weeks our freshman year of high school and she tried to sneak out on her last night of house arrest to help our friend get ready for homecoming, and she didn’t even make it a mile before she was caught.” I notice Parker’s eyes widen with humor and nod, a trace of a smile on my lips. “It’s pretty hard to walk too far out of line when you live on large plots of land without public transit and over a thousand local guardians.”
“So you never did high school things? Like get drunk? Have sex?”
“I don’t think there’s necessarily an age tied to either of those events, but yes, I experienced those and other ‘normal high school activities.’” My fingers quote his term and then drop when I realize I’m acting far too much like one of the thousand local guardians I just told him about. “I mean, we all did stuff, just not the kind of stuff I see in movies and hear about now.”
Parker’s phone buzzes and his eyes, still laden with humor, meet mine briefly before he frees it from his pocket. I’m pretty sure by the way this conversation has been going, if his phone hadn’t rung he would be asking me more questions about my sexual experiences, but I’m hoping I’m wrong as I stand up and head over to where my notepad’s lying on the counter. I feel the familiar energy course through me, the desire to open the cover and seek out a blank page. My mind is already silencing Parker’s voice and selecting the illusion it wants to breathe life into.
“Sorry, Lo, I’ve got to run. Spencer and Kash are waiting for me to do a few retakes.”
My lips press into a tight smile as I try to hide my relief. “No problem. I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, I’ll be by tomorrow.”
“Sounds good.”
He leaves, and I’m not sure if my sigh is physical or merely mental as I reach for my things and head to the table. I don’t like drawing on a flat surface because the light falls unevenly, but I only have an easel at home and school, so I have plenty of experience with poorly lit level planes. I don’t bother wasting the time to find the next empty page, simply flipping to one near the very back.
The need to draw has become a tightly wound ball of tension, and as charcoal lines are cast across the paper, the tangled web quickly relaxes, melting like a fine thread of sugar hitting the water until I feel nothing.
I turn my head as I work to see if the shading is correct. I’d lift the pad up to get a better angle, but that will only create a bigger mess from the charcoal dust that collects with shading. I use the side of my thumb to create a stroke of color and jolt when I realize I’m not alone.
“How did you do that so fast?”
I use the back of my hand to try and brush some hair out of my face. The same strands fall back across my cheek as I look to King. “It’s one of the reasons I prefer charcoal.” My mouth feels too dry as I swallow and turn my attention back to my drawing. “It’s very forgiving, versatile, and fast.”
“But that was like twenty minutes.”
“It’s not done. I haven’t finished shading and blending, or softening it. I don’t have an eraser with me.”
“Do you always work that fast?”
I shrug absently. “Some take longer, others less. It depends on what I’m working on, if I’ve done it before, my mood.”
King moves until he’s directly behind me, never asking if I mind as he looks over my drawing. “What does it mean when you draw something in twenty minutes?”
“Are you asking if I’ve drawn you before?”
King doesn’t reply, but I can feel him staring at me from over my shoulder, waiting for me to look at him. I’m reluctant to do so, but it’s pointless. I’m the one who threw tact out the window by asking the question I knew he was alluding to. His brown eyes aren’t teasing like I expect but intent, causing me to shift slightly in my chair before looking away. “I draw everyone I spend time with. It’s easier when I’m familiar with people because I know so many of their expressions.”
I expect him to make some sort of distasteful joke, but his eyes return to the drawing, and my fingers burn with the familiar itch to draw as I notice how much darker his lashes look when reflecting off his dark eyes from this angle.
“You should do this work for Kash. It could open doors for you. Who knows, you could get grabbed up by a huge company to design logos.”
“That sounds cool and all, but I don’t want to design logos. Logos are about being clever and creative. I never construct anything new. Everything that I draw already exists. I don’t know how to draw something if I can’t see it.”
“How do you know unless you try?”
It’s not necessarily fair that his question infuriates me, dredging up countless memories shared between my dad and me about art and the few doors it will ever be able to offer me, and the far longer hall of doors it never could. Still, I find the fact that he chose to give up his love and passion to ride to go into the business side of things a factor that will make it nearly impossible for him to understand why doing that seems like an impossibility. “You couldn’t ask me to give up my art any easier than you could ask me to stop breathing. The end result would be the same.”
He furrows his brow, catching me off guard. Then I watch his lips purse as the muscles in his jaw flex, like my thoughts were just delivered through osmosis or something, and he finds them offensive. “If you don’t want to do the drawing, you don’t have to. It’s not that big of a deal. We can find someone else.”
“No, I want to do this one. I just can’t picture myself being stuck in an office talking to people about what their brand means and trying to somehow capture that with such minimal space and details. It takes me at least an eight-by-ten sheet of paper and sometimes several hours to show a single expression. It would be like you guys going from doing what you do to joining the Tour de France. Sure, you’d still be on a bike, but what you love about the entire sport would be absent.”
King’s eyes relax as they slowly shift between mine, making the desire to look away grow alarmingly fast with each second that he continues. “What were you thinking when you were looking at the pictures we were editing for the ad campaign?”
Once again, King’s words tilt me off balance. While Parker skips right into the meat of a conversation, King never makes inconsequential conversation. Each question or statement seems to be purposeful, like there are a million intents behind each.