“God,” I groan. “Let it go already, Garrison. I’m with you. You’re with me. Forever. Got it? No more pity parties in the peanut gallery.”
Gavin gives me a half smile. “I just don’t want to stand in the way of what you want, Bluebird. Not again. Never again.”
“You’re not and you won’t.” I shuffle the papers Robyn has just handed back to me. “But I do need help figuring this out. Will Gavin’s criminal record affect my ability to adopt Liam permanently, you think?”
Robyn shrugs. “No way to know for certain. What did the attorney say?”
I sigh. “She said it depended on the judge we’re assigned for the hearing. She said some judges won’t make a big deal about it and some will.”
“That’s helpful.” Robyn makes an annoyed breathy sound. “That’s like saying they’re going to make the decision based on the weather in Texas that day. So basically, it could go either way and she doesn’t know shit. Awesome.”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
I face-plant into the palms of my hands and try to think.
There’s really only one solution and I already know what it is. I just know it’s going to hurt people I care about.
So I decide to do what Nana taught me.
I hold out for a miracle.
32 | Gavin
I’VE NEVER SEEN Dixie as quiet as she’s been the past couple of days. Sure, she’s laughed and smiled and put on a happy face for everyone else’s sake because that’s what she does. But I know better. I know her heart and her heart is sad.
I get the feeling that she’s already made her mind up about Liam and about the tour. If this were Dallas in charge of making decisions, I’d say the tour was a sure thing. But it’s Dixie so I haven’t even turned my two weeks’ notice in at the Tavern.
Dixie is a bleeding heart determined to save the world. She can’t do that just playing music on the road with her band, but she can definitely make a difference in Liam’s life.
Which is why I have a plan. Granted, my plans haven’t always gone so well in the past, but this time I have faith that Dixie will be open to it. At least, I hope she will. Otherwise I’m about to make a gigantic ass of myself.
The court date for Liam’s custody hearing is only a few days away. And because fate is cruel, Rock the Republic has given us to the evening of the same date to give them an answer. Naturally.
As we dress for court in front of her bedroom mirror, I stand behind her and fasten a pearl necklace that belonged to her grandmother around her neck. She’s been so busy with Liam and the band lately that I’ve barely had a minute alone with her. Worried blue eyes meet mine in the mirror. I place my hands on her bare shoulders and kiss her gently on the cheek.
“Whatever happens, whatever you decide, it will be okay,” I whisper into her ear.
“How do you know?” Her eyes are wide and searching when she turns to face me. They examine my face as if all the answers might be written in invisible ink.
“I just know. We’re here, aren’t we?”
She frowns, clearly unsatisfied with my answer, but it’s the only one I have right now.
I hold her hand in the car and all the way into the courtroom. I keep holding her hand while the social services resource officer takes Liam to the room he has to wait in while adults determine his fate.
I am still holding her hand when we take our seats and wait for the judge.
I finally understand what Dixie and I give one another that no one else can.
Balance. Strength. Hope.
During childhood, she provided these things for me during my weakest moments. Now I provide them for her. It’s an even exchange we will continue until our last breath.
The judge takes the stand and Dixie tenses beside me.
“It’s going to be okay, Bluebird. It’s all going to be okay.”
33 | Dixie
I FEEL LIKE I’ve spent ten years in this courtroom. I’ve given my lengthy statement, Dallas and Robyn have both testified on my behalf, the lady from social services and Sheila Montgomery detailed their experience with Liam, and even Mrs. Lawson showed up to speak her piece. Just when I think the judge is going to shut it down so he can deliberate in his chambers, Ashley stands up and makes an announcement.
“We have one more statement to be read, Your Honor,” she interrupts before the judge can complete his “if there are no further statements” sentence. “My client would like to be heard on this matter as he is from a similar background as the child in question.”
The judge nods and I watch Gavin stand and take his place at the podium. I don’t know what he has planned and I’m nervous for him. A steady tremor hums through me as he begins to address the court.
“Thank you,” Gavin says in greeting, “for allowing me to address the court today in the matter of Liam’s custody hearing.” He clears his throat and I feel like my heart is going to leap out of my chest.
“While it may seem odd for me to speak before the court today, I would like a chance to explain why I feel compelled to do so.”
Smart Gavin is blowing my mind right now. I’ve never heard him speak so eloquently and articulately. Just when I think I can’t be any more in love with him than I already am, he goes and proves me wrong.
“As you know, I have made mistakes in the past that have placed me on the wrong side of the law. I won’t deny that on paper, Dixie and I might not look like the best option when it comes to guardians for Liam. However, Dixie Lark is the kindest, most compassionate human being I have the privilege to know. And as for me, I was raised in the kind of home Liam has known for the duration of his childhood. My mother was a heroin addict—rather, she is a heroin addict—and moreover, she was an abuse victim and sixteen when she got pregnant with me. There was no support, no guidance, and no one around to oversee my safety and well-being.” He pauses to take a breath and I wipe my sweaty palms on my skirt. I am so with him in this moment I might as well climb right inside his body. “That being said, I learned at an early age that drawing attention to the shortcomings of my living situation would only result in a tumultuous upheaval of what tiny bit of security I knew. Removal from my home and police officers and scary people in suits and then a drive to a new home, which often was just as unstable and frequently terrifying.”
The entire courtroom is captivated as he continues.
“The system is far from perfect, Your Honor. I think we can agree on that. But that is not the point I am up here to make. My point is, the world looks different through the eyes of a child. And when you grow up in the type of environment that Liam and I have, you develop a certain type of survival mode. You don’t think about toys or trucks or cake or playing games. You think about surviving and about getting through that day. Hiding from the dealer that kicks you when he comes over to see mom or dad, avoiding an outraged boyfriend or friend when they’re in a drug-induced rage, and scrounging up enough foodlike substances to keep from passing out at school because that’s when they call the bad people to come take you somewhere even scarier.”
I blink back the hot tears threatening to burn tracks of hatred for both Katrina Garrison and Carl Andrews down my face. I swallow the sob trying to escape, the audible proof of the pain I feel for Gavin and Liam—sympathy I know neither of them wants or needs.
“Dixie and I,” he says, jolting me to life with the sound of my name as he angles himself in my direction briefly, “we’ve gotten to known Liam. We’ve spent time with him, shown him that time with us—whether at home or on the road—will be a time of safety, of security, and of being provided for by adults he can trust. This is rare for a child in his situation and though we aren’t married and we are musicians who don’t have the most conventional lifestyle, I can say without reservation or hesitation that Liam needs a less restrictive environment than most children his age. A classroom with rules he cannot possibly keep in mind at all times will be a nightmare for him just as it was for me. Trying to fit in and compete with children who’ve had advantages he couldn’t even possibly comprehend is both unfair and unrealistic. Due to the success of our careers, we’re able to provide him an individualized education where he can set his own pace with tutors who are knowledgeable about his situation and temperament. We were also able to find a therapist who specializes in working with children like Liam.”