“You don’t know him like I do. You don’t know what he’s capable of. People disappear there. Not just girls like me. Grown men. Strong men, gone without a trace.”

His amusement fades. “All the more reason he should be stopped.”

That makes me smile a little. “I didn’t realize you were a vigilante.”

Ivan cups the back of my neck and presses our foreheads together. “He scared you. That’s enough reason for me to kill him without any remorse.”

I twist my hands together on my knees. “You can’t.”

An eyebrow rises. “No?”

“My mother…she loves him.” No, that’s not the right word. “She worships him.” I may have a fucked-up relationship with her—or no relationship, really. But even so, I don’t want to do that to her.

Ivan frowns. “I can’t promise what will happen. If it turns out he’s responsible…”

“Maybe I could come with you. If there’s trouble, I could get her out.” The thought of seeing her after all these years makes my heart pound.

“No,” he says immediately. “It’s too dangerous.”

“You just said it would be fine,” I protest.

“For me. I’m not afraid of him. I know his kind. I understand him.”

“Because you’re a monster too?”

“Yes. And because we both wanted the same girl. The difference is, I have her. Parading you in front of him will only make him want to come after you, even if he wasn’t the perpetrator before. I can protect you, but I don’t need any more religious nut jobs fucking with my club.”

Okay, he has a good point. Still… “They won’t even let you onto Harmony Hills without permission. Or an escort. There are armed guards at the entry points.”

“How is this convincing me to bring you?”

I hesitate, struggling with a truth I didn’t want to admit to myself. “And besides, I really would like to see my mother. One last time. Just to make sure she’s okay. I always had to resign myself to never seeing her again, because I knew that if I went back, I’d never leave alive. But now…”

His eyes are solemn. “I’ll be sure to see her. I’ll offer that she can come with me, to visit you if nothing else. But you have to understand, I meant what I said. You won’t be coming with me. Until this person is found and dealt with, you won’t be leaving at all.”

Chapter Nineteen

I’m not going to make the same mistake twice. This time when I leave, I make sure Ivan is at some important meeting and his guard dog has the night off. There’s a guy watching me in the car across the street, but it’s easy enough to go through my bedroom routine backlit by the lamp. I know he’s watching me, and I give him a little show—it’s only shadows, after all.

And I’m not going to do anything as predictable as hitch a ride. No, that was too easy. He found me the first time, and he’d only find me faster the second. Besides, getting out of the city is nearly impossible. I don’t want to involve Clara again, especially since he’d look to her first. And half the cab drivers in the city are in Ivan’s pocket.

I need to think unconventional. I need to think strategy.

So I sneak to the nearest gas station and put in a call to Fedor Markoff, otherwise known as Ivan’s biggest competitor. He runs a series of underground gambling casinos. I met him during my party days—or rather, party nights. He took an interest in me because of my connection to Ivan.

He’s a total prick, which means he’ll enjoy pulling one over on Ivan.

I have to go through three representatives before I reach him. “Candy! Have you finally decided to dump that miserable bastard and come work for me?”

Yup, total prick. “Actually I was hoping we could do a little business.”

He laughs. “And what is it you want?”

“A ride.” I manage to project the casual, confident tones that will keep him interested. Desperation would be an instant turnoff. And I am desperate. “A ride on one of your gambling riverboats.”

If I can’t leave by ground transportation, I’ll go by water.

“You’ve been on the riverboats before, sweet. What’s different about now?”

“I want to get dropped off on the other side.”

“Ah. And why would I do that?”

“Because you want to fuck with Ivan. He’s already dragged me back once. He’ll be very pissed once he finds out I’ve slipped through his fingers.”

“You intrigue me. I don’t suppose you’ll tell me what he’s done to anger you?”

He hasn’t done anything but be himself. Dominant and remote and just the right touch of humiliating. I find everything about him sexy, but nothing about him warm. “Do we have a deal?”

“Well, now. Perhaps I will be satisfied to know he’s lost something important to him, but how will he know that I was the one responsible?”

I have to roll my eyes. “I’m sure you can work it into a conversation. But later. If he finds me, it defeats the purpose—and you won’t have fucked with him at all.”

Fedor is quiet a long moment, and I wonder if he thinks it’s too much trouble just to mess with Ivan. Gambling is technically allowed on the river, unlike the underground casinos. But other things happen on the boats—drugs, prostitution. Naturally, there’s a stripper pole. So they don’t like to dock more than they have to. It leaves them more vulnerable to getting raided.

“The boat called Divina. Do you know it?”

“Yes.” Everyone knows it. The Divina is his flagship riverboat, complete with suite-like guest rooms and gourmet dining. He actually stole the chef from a Michelin-starred restaurant in downtown Tanglewood. And when I say stole, I mean that somewhat literally. The man was deep in gambling debts, and Fedor made it clear how he would pay.

“Be there in thirty minutes, sweet.”

I put the pay phone back on the hook, trying to ignore the sick sensation in my gut. Ivan might eventually pull the records for this phone, but by the time he gets this far, I’ll be long gone.

No matter how much I want to, I can’t pretend I’m happy about that. I want Ivan. I love Ivan, but I can’t be his little girl forever.

That’s all I’ll ever be to him. I know that now.

After that blowjob. Good girls always swallow.

And after him telling me no to going home again, even just to say goodbye. He’ll always see me as someone to be sheltered—and someone to be fucked.

I can’t be his whore either, the woman he keeps in a side room, convenient when he wants to fuck. That’s all my mother was, and I swore to myself I would never do it. I would rather dance for a hundred men and be my own woman than belong to anyone.

Chapter Twenty

The thing about riverboats, especially one as large as the Divina, is that they’re basically floating buildings. They’re huge, so the motion of the water is minimal. There are glamorous rooms for dining and gambling and fucking. And there are back rooms for sleeping it off.

Fedor greets me with a distracted, “There you are. Downstairs, quickly now. We’re pushing off soon.”

I don’t fault him for being distracted. I’m surprised he met me personally at all. Nervousness twists my stomach. Can I trust him? No, that’s a silly question. Of course I can’t trust him. All I can trust is his animosity toward Ivan, which is all-encompassing and universal. He’s always doing things to fuck with Ivan, things like stealing away key employees or encroaching on his turf, and this will be no different.

I get a few strange looks because I’m in street clothes. A pink polka-dot ruffled tank top and cutoff jean shorts. My sandals have rhinestones on them. So I might stand out from the glittering jewels and ball gowns. But even if I were dressed right, I have no desire to gamble. I definitely have no desire to strip. In fact the only thing I want…

The only thing I want is Ivan.