She cleared her throat. “Your aunt sounds amazing.”

“She is. One of a kind.” He urged her toward the bus with a hand on the small of her back. “You haven’t lived until you’ve had her pie and sweet tea.”

She wasn’t sure what to say to that. It wasn’t likely that she’d ever meet the woman. Hell, she wasn’t even sure how long Luke would stick around. Yes, he’d accompanied her to Austria, and the sex was even more outstanding now than it’d been in Ireland and Norway—and who would’ve thought that was possible?—but that didn’t mean much in the long run.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

He spoke as they boarded the bus and made their way to a pair of seats halfway back. “Tell me about your family.”

It was the last thing she wanted to talk about—especially with the confusion of thoughts currently circling her head—but it wasn’t like she could shoot him down after he opened up to her. “I have a little sister. She’s bold and amazing and doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her.” Avery was the best part of Wellingford, even if the sight of her growing belly made Alexis hurt so much she’d taken off. The rest of her family? “Dad loves me, loves both of us.” And she suddenly felt like she owed him an apology for shutting him out. “He’s a good dad. The best dad. He held things together after my mom died. My grandparents moved from China and in with us not too long after that and they’re…something else.”

“I take it that’s not a good thing.”

Why did he have to choose now to be insightful? The bus lurched into motion and she talked faster, wishing she could outrun the demons inside her as easily as she could form them into words. “Nâinai isn’t so bad. She’s not very maternal, but she loves us as much as she can. And she makes the best cookies you’ll ever try. Yé-yé …” Her throat felt like it was closing as the last conversation she had with him ran through her head. We expect you at dinner, Alexis. It’s the least you can do to after the mess you made of things with Eric. Because getting cancer and being dumped by her fiancé was obviously her fault. “It’s complicated.”

“Family always seems to be.”

Luke wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do about Alexis. With each stop on the tour, she became more and more withdrawn, until she barely responded to anything he said. He knew what she was dreading—the gazebo—but he didn’t know how to help.

The fact that he even wanted to help baffled him.

But this woman who didn’t flinch in the face of his scars was stronger than he’d given her credit for. And now she was so obviously in pain, he wanted to wipe it away.

As they exited the bus for the third time, he followed her across the grass to the gazebo. People took turns posing for pictures, but Alexis just looked at it, her face completely still. He couldn’t help thinking of the faded photograph she’d carted across half of Europe. Her parents looked so goddamn happy and in love. While he could understand the need to reclaim that, he didn’t get why it was tearing her up so badly. Remembering the good times shouldn’t hurt.

He searched for something to say, something to break the silence that had grown between them. “Do you want a picture?” She turned to face him and his heart stuttered to a stop when he saw the tear tracks on her face. “Alexis…”

“It’s okay.” Another tear fell. “You don’t have to say anything. I…I just need a minute.”

Did she honestly expect him to stand here and let her cry? To do nothing? Apparently she did, because she turned back to the gazebo, leaving him staring at her back. If he were smart, he’d just wait by the bus and let her ride out the storm. He didn’t know how to fix this, and so he was just as likely to make it worse as he was to make it better.

But Christ, he wasn’t capable of walking away.

Luke closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her from the back. A shudder racked her body, but she didn’t shrug him off. Thank God.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t have to be.” He squeezed her, wishing he were better at this comforting shit. If his Aunt Rose were here, she’d know exactly what to say. But then, he’d gotten his tendency to take the tough-love path from her, and maybe that wasn’t what Alexis needed right now. What was he supposed to say when she was falling apart in his arms?

He didn’t know. So he went with the stark truth. “You can lean on me.”

“I…” Another shudder, stronger this time.

God, she was killing him. “I’ve got you, darlin’.”

Her sob broke his heart. “I miss her so much.” She turned in his arms, and he gathered her against him, trying to put all the words he’d never get right into this. Alexis’s entire body shook. “She shouldn’t have died. She’s gone and I’ve felt so alone for so long, and it’s so selfish and I know it’s selfish, but I wish she was here because I’m trying so damn hard and nothing I do is ever good enough.”

He held her and let her bleed out poison that must have been accumulating for a long time. Nothing he said could fix this, so he didn’t even try. He just held her through the fury of her grief.

She kept talking, her voice barely above a whisper. “For the longest time, I was sure there was some mistake. The cancer should have taken me—not her. She would have known what to do with the second chance, and I’ve been floundering.”

Cancer. Jesus Christ. He’d known there was something, but it’d never occurred to him that it could be that. Luke gathered her closer, wanting to deny the words coming out of her mouth, to shield her from the pain she’d so obviously been living with for far too long. “Alexis—”

“I was wrong. I realize that now. Even if there was some devil’s bargain to be made to bring her back and take me in her place, she never would have wanted that. And…it’s time to admit that I don’t want that, either.”

He’d thought her a spoiled princess when they first met, and the time they’d spent together had been slowly eroding that image. With this final confession, she blew it away until the only thing that remained was the real Alexis. Survivor. Stronger than she gave herself credit for. Too many things to put into words. Luke kissed her temple and held her, letting her cry it out.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed, but the guide had nearly everyone back on the bus by the time she lifted a tearstained face off his shoulder and sniffed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Darlin’, you have nothing to apologize for.” He smoothed his thumbs along her cheeks, catching a few more tears. “You’ve been holding that in for a long time.”

“There was never time to… For any of it.”

No time, and it was hellishly hard to face certain facts when a person’s life was falling to pieces around them. Hell, they had so much in common, it wasn’t even funny. They’d taken different paths to reach where they were, but both of them were on their own roads back to the land of the living. He smoothed her hair back. “How do you feel now?”

She swallowed. “Better, I think. I…” She looked away and then seemed to force herself to meet his gaze. “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it.” For all his affected nonchalance, Luke couldn’t help thinking that the balance had shifted between them. It had started in Norway, but they were rapidly reaching the point of no return. If he was going to be honest, they’d already flown straight past it.

He wasn’t sure he could walk away from her now, even if he wanted to.

Chapter Fifteen

Alexis made it through the rest of the tour without any more embarrassing breakdowns, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something more profound than tears had happened back there by the gazebo. It had been like saying good-bye to Mom all over again, but this time, it felt…clean. There was no taint of sickness or the dawning horror of a family who had barely had a chance to say good-bye before they lost their rock. Maybe it was because she and Dad had been so happy here, or maybe it was because the family had survived. They kept living. Hell, some of them even flourished. Avery certainly had.