I nod. My own cheeks flush red hot with shame as if I’d gotten caught by Coach Lowe having sex with Knox in the locker room.

“If I see you near any player, I’ll kick that player and your brother off the team. I don’t care if it’s Knox Masters or Ace here. Their continuing ability to play depends on you, Ms. Campbell.”

I gasp when the full impact of the ban hits me. I’m supposed to cook dinner for Knox’s brother this Friday.

“What about Jack? He is her brother,” Ace points out.

“Obviously I can’t prevent you from spending time with your family, but on campus, keep it as minimal as possible.”

“So the ban is all players but her family,” Ace presses. I glare at him to shut up before he gets himself in trouble.

Coach Lowe narrows his eyes at Ace but says tersely. “Family is exempt.” He turns away from Ace, done with him.

Jack opens his mouth to protest but Coach Lowe doesn’t want to hear from him either. “You want to stay on this team, you play by my rules. Your sister is a problem and you need to excise problems from your life if they affect your play.”

“With all due respect, sir, my sister has only ever wanted to help me. She’s not the problem. I am for not facing up to my issues before. I never wanted to admit I might have a learning disability. I don’t like it much now either. But it’s there and I’ll do that testing, but Ellie has only ever wanted to help.”

“That’s a nice speech,” Coach Lowe replies coldly. “But this is my team and my rules. You want to play, you’ll have to abide by the punishment I send down.” He points his pen at me again. “I don’t want either of you telling the players about this. I’m not the bad guy here.”

I can see it’s on Jack’s tongue to protest. I catch his arm. “Please,” I beg softly. “If you get kicked off the team, I’ll be sick with guilt for the rest of my life. Please let’s take our lumps. Otherwise I’ll never look at myself again without utter loathing.”

Jack’s face hardens from regret to resolve. With a short nod, he turns to Coach Lowe. “Okay. I want to play.”

Coach Lowe waves his hand. “Get out of here. You’ve all got stuff to do. Ace, how’s the arm.”

“Good, sir. Feels good.”

“Keep icing it.”

“Plan to.”

30 Ellie

I wait until we’re out of earshot of Coach Lowe’s office before spinning on Ace. “Do you think he’ll kick Masters off the team?”

“Maybe not. But he’d probably pull his support for Masters going pro after this season. I wouldn’t test Coach.” Ace walks off, presumably to continue icing his arm.

“What will you do?” Jack asks. “Text him?

I rear back. “No. I won’t break up with him via text. Is Coach Lowe bugging the phones? I'm calling him.” No way I would do it so cold heartedly.

“He'll talk you out of it,” Jack warns.

I wish.

When I get back to my apartment after classes, I check the time. Knox will be going to film class. I rub a hand over my eyes, wanting this to all go away.

He picks up on the first ring.

“Hey, baby, what's up? You excited for the softball game tonight? Undefeated Horny Toads!” He lets out a low whistle. Oh shit. I forgot. We’re playing last year’s intramural softball champs—the Gilded Lilies—the team with Champs in gold foil on their pullovers and matching hats. He continues, “I also picked up our costumes for the Halloween party. I’m warning you right now. I look damn good in pink. You won’t keep your hands off me.”

Knox and I planned to go to a Sigma Chi Halloween party as Power Rangers. Red for me; pink for him. He thought it ironic.

“We're breaking up,” I blurt out.

“No, I can hear you fine.”

“Not the phone line. Us. We can't see each other anymore.”

“What are you taking about?”

“I don't want to see you again. I’m sorry to say this, but when I learned you were a virgin, I wanted to be your first. Make my mark on you. I figured after I had you, I’d have my pick of any guy at Western.”

He laughs at first, but then sputters when I don’t join in.

“Are you fucking serious?” There’s finally a hint of anger in his voice.

“Yes.” I’m so glad we are not face to face.

“Did you hit your head or something? I'm coming over. You sound like you suffered a concussion.”

“No, don't come over. I-I—” I look around wildly for an excuse and seize on a random one. “I'm seeing someone else and he's here.”

“Since when?” he demands.

“He's on my softball team. The shortstop. Ryan Schneider.” Oh, Ryan, I am so sorry I’m throwing you under the bus.

Silence hangs between us.

“Put him on,” Knox growls.

“No.”

“Let me talk to him.”

“No. I'm sorry. We're done.” In a rush I hang up, afraid of what Knox will say or do. He calls back immediately and I put my phone on do not disturb. Then I block him because Jack is right. I’m weak when it comes to Knox. Very weak.

••• Wednesday

My good intentions evaporate when he shows up at the softball game. He looks gorgeous. Big, brawny and all mine. Except he’s not anymore, and if Coach Lowe gets word that he’s here with me, we’re both in trouble. Knox doesn’t even pretend he’s here to do anything but hassle me. He leans against the edge of the wall that serves as the home run marker.

“You have to leave,” I hiss without turning around. “We’ve broken up. You can’t be here.”

“Why, because your new boyfriend will see us together?” he asks, a hint of mockery in his voice.

“Who?”

“Schneider,” he reminds me impatiently. “The guy who’s taken my place between this morning when I ate you out and sometime after your last class of the day.”

I flush a dull red—both at his crude words and my obviously bad lie. I need to think of better excuses.

“Hey, Schneider,” he calls out.

The rangy shortstop raises his head and looks around. Knox whistles and Schneider trots over, completely abandoning his position. The power of Knox Masters.

“Hey, Masters,” Schneider greets him like a long lost brother. They do a complicated thing with their hands and a half hug. “What’s up? Seven-and-oh with only five games left. That’s pretty damn exciting.”

“We’ve got nothing on the Horny Toads.” Masters nods toward the field. “Although Ellie says that the Gilded Lilies are tough competitors.”

“Those girls know how to use the bat,” Schneider replies.

Then why aren’t you minding the field? I cry in my head. Outwardly, I try to signal Schneider in on the fact that I’ve used him as a beard. My wriggling eyebrows and furtive hand gestures are greeted with a puzzled look.

“Ellie tells me that you two are seeing each other now,” Masters says casually. He turns and spits about an inch from Schneider’s toes.

“What?” Schneider yelps. He jumps away from me. “Gosh, Ellie. I think you’re a good left fielder, but I thought you knew I played for the other team. Oh, look, the Lilies are up to bat.” He quickly scampers off.

“Schneider’s gay?” I gape.

Knox looks at me with a pointed stare. “Your gaydar needs work. Also your lying.”

My gaze drops to my sneakers. “We shouldn’t see each other anymore.”

His large hand cups the back of my neck. I don’t look up even at that, afraid of what I’ll see there. Of what I’ll do. “Are you worried about Ty coming? I told you he’ll love you.”

Oh, Knox.

“We still on for tomorrow?” The uncertainty in his voice kills me.

I nod because I know what I have to do.

He retreats to the stands and watches my Horny Toads get shellacked by the Gilded Lilies. They do know how to use their bats and their gloves.

“What was that all about?” Schneider mutters in the dugout as we’re gathering up our equipment.