I’d come to live with Mama Leena when I was fifteen, right before I’d found Tana in the park. I admired Mama’s belief that life was full of possibilities, that everyone deserved a second chance, but reality told a different story. Some of us were marked from the day we were born. We treaded time until we ended up on an autopsy table, gray and naked while some cop bragged about how he’d taken one of the fuckers down. Just like in that alley with Donny.

Chapter Three

TANA

I had this thing I did every Saturday that my mom and Creature didn’t know about. While she took him with her to run errands and pay the bills, I’d take a detour before I went to the grocery store. I’d head toward our old neighborhood near the Caldwell Institute of Arts.

I know that some people, those too ignorant to know better, thought Caldwell was just a hell-hole where bad things happened twenty-four seven. But it was no different than any other city. There were neighborhoods you didn’t want to be a part of, those that you longed to be a part of, and the ones sandwiched in the middle.

I slowed the Honda as I turned onto our former street and took a breath. The death of my old life and the birth of my new one had taken place just up ahead at the three million dollar French Renaissance mansion. With over 12,000 square feet, fifteen rooms, and a carriage house out in the back, you would think that in this mansion, the people were happy as well as rich.

Oh, we had a ton of money then. But we were all so very poor. My father worshipped at the altar of the green god and when your god is money, you must keep sacrificing more of your life to him so that he doesn’t get angry. When you do screw up and he curses you, he gives you stress and pressure and the ability to become a screaming monster. He gives you glass balls to add to your juggling act and demands you push yourself even harder to please him.

You cut corners. You lie, cheat, and steal and in the end when all those glass balls fall and the money is lost, you are too. The investment business went belly up and with my father’s hand up his puppet-ass, his attorney told the judge everything had been lost—everything but the few million he’d managed to hide in an offshore bank account in the Bahamas that we could never prove he had.

I didn’t make this trek because I longed for my old life. I did it to remind myself I was a better person and how far I’d come since then. I wanted to remember that the old me, the girl caught up in material things in an attempt to deal with all the mind games her father played, wasn’t who I was any more. I wanted to remember that I’d survived a time in my life that had been so destructive that the then fifteen-year-old me didn’t think I would make it. Remembering made me feel stronger.

Today, I had another motive for returning to my old stomping grounds. I wanted to visit my former doctor. She had Saturday hours and I knew she wouldn’t mention to my mom that I wanted a prescription for birth control pills like the doctor closer to my house might since she and Mom were friends.

I did a quick calculation in my head. It would take me ten to fifteen minutes to get to the doctor’s office beside Caldwell Medical Center, another ten to fifteen to wheedle a prescription and then the trip back. I would have to rush through the grocery shopping. Even though I was eighteen, Mom still treated me like I was a lot younger. Exasperated, I’d called her on it once.

She’d blinked and looked at me, smiled sadly and whispered that time was a thief who’d stolen her daughter. Then she’d gone to her room and cried, so I never pointed it out again.

Thirteen minutes later, I whipped the car into a parking spot, snatched my purse and hopped out. Losing my virginity was part of my life list. Next was college, then after I graduated, I planned to backpack through parts of Europe. I’d make sure to do it during the summer so I could take Creature with me. When he was four, he used to beg me to take him “anywhere, everywhere” and I’d promised him I would.

I walked into the doctor’s office and greeted the receptionist. Today was just the beginning. Every good thing that I wanted was going to come true, exactly as I’d planned. I looked forward to the future I was creating for myself instead of the one life had tried to hand me.

After I had the prescription in hand, I left the doctor’s office and stopped by the pharmacy. From there, I went to the ice cream place that I used to frequent all the time. It’s where I’d first met Tristan. His grandparents owned the place and he’d always kind of hung out there. I walked up to the counter and placed my order. As soon as I’d paid and walked over to one of the tables to wait for my cone, I heard my name called in a surprised voice.

When I turned around, I came face to face with my past. Tristan. He still wore the same preppy clothes, still had the same perfectly styled blonde hair and not a lock of it was out of place.

His lip curved up into what I’d once thought was a sexy smile but now just looked like a leer. “Babe, you are...” He waved his hand up and down my figure. “Amazing.”

I hadn’t seen him in years. My hair was longer, my skin clearer, and I’d lost the few extra pounds I’d carried back then. Plus, even though summer had just started, I was already sporting a light tan. While I would never qualify as beautiful, I did have a confidence now that I didn’t have back then thanks to learning that I could go through hell and still be able to stand. “Tristan.”

How had I never noticed before how soft and boyish he looked? Or the ugly gleam in his eyes? The thought of being with him made my skin crawl. I was so thankful I’d never crossed that line with him. He was boy where Ryan was man, weak where Ryan was strong, cowardly where Ryan was courage. I smiled at the thought of Ryan.

I guess Tristan took that as encouragement because he stroked my arm. “I’m having a party at my house tonight. Why don’t you come?”

I had no desire to be around him or my former friends and was about to tell him that when he said, “I have a date, but I’ll ditch her. We can use my room and I’ll whisper all the things I plan to do to you before I show you. We have some unfinished business, remember?”

Did I ever remember. On our last evening together, he’d showed up at my house drunk, talked about how much he was going to miss me, given me a sloppy kiss and passed out on my bed before anything could happen. Judging from the photos I’d seen on Instagram, he’d missed me for less than a day before he’d moved on.

I crossed my arms to get away from his touch. “Unfinished business?”

He leaned in. “Come on, you know what I mean. It’ll be great. We were the perfect couple.”

I wasn’t one for retaliation or karma or whatever. Life was too short for getting even drama. I’d never felt the need for any kind of payback toward Tristan. So I don’t know why I said, “Sure. Is it okay if I bring friends?”

His eyes dropped to my breasts and he actually ran his tongue over his lips like I’d think that was sexy. Ew. Gonna. Puke.

“Bring as many as you want. Starts at nine.” He slipped his hand to my waist, his finger stroking my skin. “You remember the way to my house, right?”

I managed not to shudder at his touch, then smiled and reached for my ice cream when the guy behind the counter called it out. “Sure. I’ll see you then.”

He quirked an eyebrow at me. “I’ll make it a night you won’t forget.”

“I’ll bet.” I gave him a little finger wave and walked out. How disgusting and phony and lecherous could one guy be? Maybe it was him dumping me on social media that had given me clarity or maybe it was that I’d learned the difference between a guy who wasn’t worthy and one who was.

The second I climbed into my car, I called my friends Shelby and Brooklyn and told them about Tristan and the party. Brooklyn said she couldn’t make it, but Shelby said she could.