But nothing made her feel any better. Baby hit rock bottom, and in case there was any question, she made sure by moving from snorting coke to freebasing heroin. She couldn’t remember the first few months after the abortion. She lingered halfway between life and death, praying for the latter.

The breaking point came when one of the girls found Baby unconscious in the bathroom of the club, the needle still dangling between her toes, her chosen place to hide the marks. The cops that Mickey had in his back pocket quickly informed him the club was now on the narcotics department’s radar. They needed to ditch the drugs and clean up their act for a while, or they wouldn’t be able to keep Mickey out of trouble.

Mickey and Slade agreed to send Baby Jade away to detox, but they didn’t want to have any record of it. They locked her away in a seedy motel outside Lafayette. Slade sent one of his goons to act as bodyguard and one of his girls to play nursemaid. It was excruciating. Sure, the vomiting and shakes were horrible, but the worst part was being able to feel again. The pain of remembering the abortion was unbearable.

It took her a long time to begin to feel halfway normal again. She continued to have a void in her heart and an agonizing pain in the pit of her stomach, but life slowly resumed. The hurt still existed, but was only at its worst when Baby allowed her mind to wander. She tried to keep herself occupied by working, exercising, and reading, whatever it took. Picking up more shifts was better than being home alone with nothing but time to remember.

Now, lying on the floor, weeping, she couldn’t figure out if she was more upset that Lucky had found out, not to mention how he found out, or that it brought all the pain to the surface again. She lay on the floor sobbing for what must have been hours, before she finally dragged her limp body to the couch. She was too tired to lock the door or check the windows, which is why she missed the Jeep parked at the curb across from her apartment.

Chapter Sixteen

Lucky

Lucky’s stomach somersaulted. The taste of bile lingered in his throat. His narrowed eyes were unfocused and the room was blurry. Planting himself on his stool, with his arms folded across his chest, he managed to go through the motions for the remainder of his shift.

Mickey left him alone for the most part. He hated feeling as if everyone was tiptoeing around him. It was crazy to think anyone knew what he had shared with Baby Jade about Carrie, but it sure as hell felt like everyone did. He played Jewella’s words over in his head, hoping he had misunderstood.

She got rid of it.

Baby had an abortion.

How could she not have told him? When he was spilling his guts all over her fucking living room, why wouldn’t she have said something? When they finished making love and she poured her heart out to him, did she not think it might be an important detail to share?

Lucky tried to rationalize a reason. Obviously it was going to be a difficult process for a woman, but hell, she chose it. He didn’t have a choice when it came to his own child. He never had a say in the matter.

“Aww, why the pouty lip?” Barbie ran her hand down Lucky’s arm. He didn’t notice her come up from the side.

Lucky recoiled. “The smell of your perfume must have punched me in the face.” He didn’t try to turn down the cocky attitude. He wanted to get on his fucking bike and take off.

Barbie tossed her head back and tried to giggle. Instead, it came off like a strangled cat. Her mile-high blond hair didn’t move from where she had plastered it in place. She turned her matted eyelashes up and grinned, revealing the deep red lipstick stains on her teeth.

The miserable site of her failed attempt at getting his attention made Lucky’s gut slosh around in his rigid body. “What the hell do you want?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe to put a smile on that handsome face of yours.” Barbie reached her leathered fingers toward Lucky’s face. He grabbed her wrist before she reached his beard, clutching it tighter than he should have. The dead look in his eyes must have scared her, which was his intent, because Barbie stumbled backward like she couldn’t get away fast enough.

His emotions welled up in his chest, leaving him feeling suffocated. Part of Lucky wanted to find Baby and let her explain. She must have a logical reason for not telling him. But was that enough? Was there a reasonable explanation for having an abortion in the first place? Was it his place to judge her? Was there a father out there grieving like he did for his own child?

Lucky’s phone vibrated in his pocket. Something in him shifted, and the curiosity got the better of him. He pulled the phone from his pocket and checked the caller ID. He didn’t want to talk to her, but his heart fell to see it wasn’t Baby. It was his mother, for the third time that day.

He had nothing to say to his parents, and anything they had to say to him could wait until the board meeting.

Chapter Seventeen

Baby Jade

“Wakey, wakey, gorgeous.”

Baby Jade swiped at something tickling her cheek.

“Rise and shine, my girl.”

Baby twisted her body around. Realizing she wasn’t in her bed, she rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hands. Her vision was fuzzy, but she made out her surroundings and concluded she was on her couch.

She sighed with relief and stretched her arms above her head. Her body ached, heavy and weak like she’d had the flu. Her muscles were exhausted and the cry fest had left her emotionally drained.

“How’s my girl this morning?”

The words made Baby jump up and dart across the room. Crouched in the corner next to the bookshelf, she spotted Slade standing at the end of the couch, inches from where her head had been.

“What the hell are you doing here? How’d you get in?” She stayed in position, ready to turn over the bookshelf if she needed to run.

“I knocked and there was no answer. I checked the door and it was unlocked. I let myself in. Come on, is that necessary?” Slade took a step in her direction.

Baby’s body tensed, her eyes wide “What do you want?” She didn’t know why she bothered asking. She couldn’t trust a thing that came out of his chiseled face.

Slade propped his heavy boot on the rickety coffee table. “I heard about what happened last night. I know what a touchy subject that is for you. I wanted to see how my girl was doing.”

“I’m not your girl.” Touchy subject. The dumbass sure did have a way with words.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it all before. If you weren’t my girl, why would I be here offering to take care of you?” Slade dipped two fingers into his top jacket pocket and pulled out another familiar, small baggie.

Baby watched the baggie slip from Slade’s fingertips and land on the table, and her heartbeat pounded. She felt it in her head as the blood rocketed to her temples. Her skin crawled and her mouth watered at the thought of a tiny taste.

Slade’s licked his twisted lips. “Yeah, I’ll leave that for you to have later. When you’re ready for more, you know how to find me.” He crossed the room and knelt down in front of Baby, brushing his thumb over her lips before kissing her cheek.

She watched Slade walk out the door, closing it behind him.

After hearing his Jeep speed away, Baby counted to fifty before she clutched the bookcase, and pulled herself to a standing position, inching her way to the couch. Sitting across from the tiny baggie of coke, she stared at it, imagining what it would taste like. What it would feel like coursing through her veins.