She wasn’t eating. She wasn’t answering her door. The fear of something happening to her, of finding her like I found Nan terrified me.

     “Please, go open the door and check on her. Make sure she’s okay,” I begged.

     “Okay,” Harlow replied after a pause.

     I hung up and threw the phone on the other seat as I sped down Sunset Drive.

      When I opened the front door of the house and found Harlow standing in the foyer with my dad I froze.  “What?” I asked, afraid to move.

     “She’s gone. Her bags are gone. She’s not in another room I checked,” Harlow replied.

      I shook my head and walked inside. “Gone? She can’t be gone! Where would she go?”

     “Probably somewhere so she doesn’t have to deal with Nan’s shit and her fiancé running off and leaving her and not answering her damn calls. That’d be my guess. You’re a stupid fucker, just like me son,” Dean said with disgust in his voice before walking away.

      “I had to tell him why I was running around from room to room checking inside. He caught me,” Harlow whispered.

      “Did she leave a note?” I asked, dialing her number again only to get her voicemail.

     Harlow shook her head.

     I stalked past her and took the steps two at a time before breaking into a run yet again. This day had gone from bad to fucking disastrous. Jerking open the bedroom door the silence that met me was knee buckling. I could see the small imprint on the bed from where she’d laid down earlier today.  Harlow was right. She was gone. Every little trace of Blaire was gone. She’d needed me. Our baby had needed me and I’d been with Nan, again. I deserve to be left.

     I closed the door behind me before leaning against the wall and sliding down to the floor to weep.  The fear of losing Nan had been terrifying but the idea of losing Blaire and my baby was unbearable. I didn’t deserve Blaire. I had promised her I’d always be there yet my family kept pulling me away. It was time I stopped letting that happen. But what if I was too late?

      I shook my head and wiped the tears from my face. I’d find her and I’d beg. I’d grovel. Whatever I needed to do I would do it. Then I’d never leave her again. For anyone.

BLAIRE

     “Here it is. Ain’t much but it’s mine,” my dad said as he stepped onto a boat with a small cabin that I was sure only had one bed. I was hoping there was a sofa of some kind in there too.

     I had been so relieved when I’d stepped off the plane at the small airport to find Abe already there waiting on me. I had worried that I’d spent the last of my savings on airplane tickets to see a man who wouldn’t show up. This time he had come through for me.

     “Good news is, it’s got two bunks and a full size bed. I’ll take a bunk and you can have the bed. It’ll be easier on you and the baby. I went and got a few things for you at the store. Some things I knew you liked. The fridge is a tiny thing but I have a cooler on here too with ice that I keep cold stuff in.”

     I stood on the well-worn boat and saw touches of my father.  His favorite fishing hat, the one my mother had given him for Father’s day when I was a little girl hung on the hook going into the cabin. The tackle box that Valerie and I had bought him for Christmas one year sat over in the corner with the fishing rod he’d bought one summer when we had gone on a family vacation to North Carolina. I hadn’t realized he still had those things.

      “It’s perfect, Dad. Thanks for letting me come here. I just needed to get away,” I said, turning to look at him.

     His mustache and beard needed trimming but I could still see his mouth turn down in a frown. “What’s wrong, Blaire bear? You seemed so happy a week ago. How did things get so bad so fast?”

     I didn’t want to talk about it just yet. “I slept on the plane and it wasn’t a good sleep. It’s been well over twenty-four hours since I’ve been in a bed. Can I take a nap first?” I asked.

     Dad looked even more upset about my being tired. “You shouldn’t have been pushing yourself like that. Why’d you fly overnight? Never mind, you can tell me later. Just go on inside there and head down those steps to that back room. I’ll bring your bag down. Not much room but we can manage.”

     I didn’t care about attempting to take a bath in the tiny little bathroom or changing my clothes. I was too tired to care about anything. “I just want some sleep,” I assured him.

     The bed filled up the entire “bedroom”. It touched every wall. I crawled up in it from the doorway and kicked both of my shoes off before curling up into a ball and falling fast asleep.

     It was late afternoon when I woke up. The gentle swaying of the boat was soothing. I was thankful I didn’t suffer from motion sickness. It would be bad if I did. Stretching, I sat up and reached in my pocket to pull out my phone and turn it on. I’d been avoiding this. Rush would know I was gone by now and he would be upset. I wasn’t ready to deal with him just yet. I still needed some time to decide what to do.

     I didn’t check my voicemails or text messages once I turned my phone on. I just slipped it back into my pocket and climbed the steps out of the small cubbyhole onto the main deck. Dad wasn’t around but he’d mentioned at the airport that he had a job working at the marina and he needed to go in this afternoon. In return they allowed him to keep his boat docked here for free.

     The small fridge held a few bottles of water and I took one out and grabbed a banana from the basket of fruit he had sitting on top of the fridge before walking out to sit in the sunshine. It was breezy but sunny. Similar to the temperature in LA.

     “Abe know you’re on his boat? He don’t strike me as the kind to hook up with barely legal women,” a deep voice asked from behind me. I spun around to see a guy in his mid-twenties standing in the boat docked beside my dad’s. He was shirtless and his jeans hung low on his hips. It was obvious he did manual labor. He was slender but solid. His long brown hair was bleached from the sun and it was in a low ponytail. Several strands were loose. I couldn’t see his eyes because he was wearing aviators.

     “Do you speak?” he asked with a smirk and took a drink from the water bottle in his hand.

     “Yes,” I replied, still slightly startled. I hadn’t been expecting Dad to have neighbors. This was a boat for goodness sake. How many people lived on their boats?

     “Where’s Abe? Or are you crashing?” He was relentless in his questioning.

     “I don’t know. I just woke up and he was gone,” I replied.

     The guy raised one of his eyebrows. “So he does know you’re here?”

     What was he, the damn police? “Abe is my father. He’s very aware that I’m here,” I replied a little more annoyed than I’d meant to.

     A grin broke across his face and he had perfect white teeth. Not what I’d expect from a guy who had hair like his and lived on a boat. “You’re Blaire. Nice to meet you. I’m Captain,” he replied and took another swig from his water bottle.

     “Captain?” I asked before I could stop myself. I knew it sounded rude.

     “Yeah,” he replied.

     “That’s just... it’s an odd name,” I replied.

     He let out a low chuckle. “Not really. I’ve been living on this boat since I was sixteen. That’s ten years now. Reckon if anyone’s a Captain I am.” He shot me a wink then turned and walked back inside his cabin.

     Left alone again, I leaned back in my seat and propped my legs up in front of me on an upside down ten gallon bucket.  My phone began ringing and I debated even looking at it. If it was Rush I was going to want to answer it. Maybe it was time I did. He needed to know where to find me.

     I glanced down and, sure enough, Rush’s name was on my phone screen. I clicked answer and held it to my ear. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. I’d been an emotional mess when I’d run. I needed space and time. Now I was missing him. How could I marry him if I couldn’t even stand by him when he needed me? Was I always going to get this upset when he wasn’t around when I needed him?