January melted into February and on a random Thursday, Jude looked at the tall man to her left, who was reading over her shoulder. She loved how handsome he was. She knew she shouldn’t care about things that were so shallow, but he was very pleasing to the eyes. She especially liked that line between his eyebrows, the one he got when deep in thought. Wanting to see it, she said, “Did you know there’s a phone app that distorts your face so much that you’re almost unrecognizable?” Jude scrunched her nose. “Isla has it. It makes her skin so smooth and removes every mark that makes a person who they are.”

Taylor chuckled. “Everyone wants to look perfect.”

“Perfection is an ugly beast. It’s our blemishes that make us pretty. Never be perfect. Okay, Hazel? I like you just the way you are.” She lifted his glasses and kissed the light line between his eyebrows.

He laughed again. “I’ll try not to be, but some days it’s a real struggle.”

That made her laugh and she wandered to the next aisle of books at the store. Military. He followed behind, following the girl he’d follow anywhere. “Why don’t you have a phone?”

“I do. I just didn’t have anyone to call.”

“You’ve had me for over a month.”

“I have you?”

“You do. Completely,” he said, grabbing her and giving her a kiss that would lead to more right here in the middle of a bookstore if they weren’t careful.

She pushed him gently and flitted away, saying, “Well, maybe I’ll give you my number then.”

He caught her in the Family Psychology section with her nose pointed down at a book. “Whatcha reading?”

Quite quickly, exhaustion seemed to creep over her beautiful face, “I tried to kill myself.” Desperately needing to get it out there. Desperately wanting him to know her deepest secrets, tired of hiding it from the one person she wanted to be completely honest with.

Taylor was shocked. His mouth dropped open, and he leaned his hands against the shelf, needing some sort of support. His eyes knit together and he looked down. His voice was low and calculated, too controlled when he asked, “When?”

“Two years ago.”

He could tell he was going to have to pull every detail out of her. She had turned away from him to put the book back on the shelf. “Why?” he asked, his voice sounding croaky. He hated his easily exposed emotions.

Jude leaned her back against the books and looked at him, then turned so she was leaning against him instead. The fabric of his pants was smooth as she ran her hand over them. She loved him in suits and this gray one was especially sexy on him. Her only mistake was opening a can of worms that would take the rest of his lunch hour. He’ll either stay or leave, but she needed to give him that choice. Taking his hand, she led him to the fiction section, feeling more comfortable in the land of fantasy. “My family blames me for my uncle’s death.”

“Why would they do that?”

“Because they didn’t want to know the truth. The truth is damaging and drives people away. It’s better to live in the lies.”

“That’s not true.” He got frustrated, yanking her to a standstill. “Is that why you haven’t told me before? You thought you’d drive me away?”

“We have… oh, I don’t know anymore, Hazel. Things feel too easy for us.”

“Nothing is easy for us. We meet for an hour each day and then a few on the weekends. We’re pretending this is normal. It’s not. What happened to the week we had? What happened to spending time together in private?” Taylor surprised himself. Pent-up feelings were unstoppable now. “Why can’t I come to your house? Why can’t I pick you up for a date? Why can’t we have sex again? When you say it feels too easy, there is nothing that feels easy to me when it comes to you. But I’m here. I’m willing to do this how you want because when I meet you, it’s the best hour of my day.”

Jude hadn’t realized how affected he was by the change in their relationship. She should have, but she knew so much more than him and never wanted that to taint their time. “I’m selfish, but your mere presence is comforting to me.”

“Because you don’t have to live in the lies with me.”

Smiling, trying to distract him, she said, “So that’s why this feels so good.”

He didn’t return the smile, still caught up in the details. “Why did you try to kill yourself?”

Anxious, Jude looked around to make sure no one was listening to their conversation. “We don’t even have to talk. You just let me be and you give me security,” she confessed.

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he said, “Don’t shut this down.” Taking her hand, he took her outside to the busy street where no one cared about them. “I need more. Please.”

Offhandedly, she said, “My uncle, the one who died, Isla’s father, he… he did things to me. He touched me in ways that no one should touch you without your permission. There it is, Hazel.”

Jude heard the harsh breath he sucked in when he backed them to the nearest wall. He felt like shit for being so hard on her. “I’m sorry, Jude.”

“So am I.”

“What do you mean your family doesn’t believe you?”

She angled away and hugged her body, closing herself off. “I didn’t encourage him. I swear I didn’t.”

“Oh God, Jude.” Standing behind her, he rubbed her shoulders. “Of course you didn’t. I believe you. I’m sorry if you thought I meant—”

Looking over her shoulder at him, she asked, “You do?”

“Do what?”

“Believe me? You believe me?”

“What? Of course I believe you.”

“Why?”

The relief she was seeking came quickly. “Who would ask for that to happen?”

Shaking her head, she lowered it. “I asked him to stop, but he said he would tell my parents that I had instigated it. I should have let him tell. Maybe things would be different now.”

Strong arms embraced her and she slid into his warmth, into his love. With her head against him, she listened to his steady heartbeat. He kissed the top of her head, and asked, “You thought killing yourself was the only way out?”

“I was dirty. I couldn’t get clean enough. He made me feel dirty. I was sixteen and excited about finally being able to date, to hang out with my friends, to get my independence, and he stole all of those dreams, those rights from me. He stole my innocence before I had a chance to give it away.”

He rubbed her back, but didn’t say anything.

She said, “We had a family celebration that night on my birthday. He came into my bedroom later when I was changing into my pajamas. He told me not to say anything. When I tried to leave, he slapped me, and filled my head with threats of how he would hurt me, hurt my brother, and destroy my family. And I believed him.” With tears in her eyes, she looked up at Hazel. “I believed him.”

“You’re not at fault. Do you hear me?” Taylor was mad, infuriated. “I don’t know what they’ve done to you since, but they’ve fucked with your head. You’re not to blame, Jude. He was a psycho pedophile.”

Her throat staggered over a deep breath, and she said, “Every time they would visit, he would get more aggressive. I knew what was coming next. I knew he would rape me. I watched him over dinner. I saw how much he was drinking. I saw him watching me, how he looked at me. I knew.”

Taylor looked around, not wanting this to play out on a dirty city street. “Let’s go around the corner.” She walked, her head against his bicep with his arm around her. They rounded the corner to a tree-lined street and went to a stoop and sat. He sat one step down and looked up at her. “What happened?”

She spoke as if she couldn’t wait to get it off her chest and out of her heart. “I stopped talking to my brother. I ignored the friends I had. I had nightmares of him sneaking in and… I felt ashamed of what I looked like. My breasts had to be to blame. They were tempting him. I was responsible for him doing that. If only I didn’t look like this things would have been different.”