Taylor didn’t believe her. Her soul was lying to his. He could feel it in his gut. “Don’t go, Jude. I want you to stay with me.” It was a whispered confession that conveyed every honest moment of his life.

She was pulling away from him, her body already free from his desperate touch. She got into the car and shut the door. The window was cracked open and she said, “I’ll see you soon, Taylor.”

The taxi drove off and as the impact of his real name hit him, he knew she was lying. “No!” he shouted not knowing what else to say to stop her from leaving. He yelled again and then saw the cab stop ahead at a red light. This was it. This was his chance. He ran. He ran over the slosh and skidded along the icy patches. He took his chances and ran into the street where the heat of the cars had melted the snow and ice.

He could see her big eyes, staring back at him. Then she closed them and turned around and the cab drove through a green light leaving him in the wet and messy remains of what was bliss just an hour before.

Punching the sky, he yelled, “Fuck!” and kicked the freezing air.

A cabbie yelled at him as he drove by, “Get out of the street, you crazy bastard!”

Taylor flipped him off and moved back to the sidewalk.

His phone vibrated again and he pulled it from his coat pocket. When he looked down, there were another two messages from Katherine.

The Castors are hosting a benefit on the 16th. Maybe we can go together?

I bought a new dress you’ll love. It’s your favorite color. This will be fun. Call me back.

Katherine’s manipulation didn’t work on him anymore. He saw her for what she was and he wasn’t interested. Her lack of acknowledgment of his illness still bothered him. She seemed to live in a world where he would recover and they could go on their merry way. Her ignorance astounded him, but pissed him off more.

Besides that, Taylor had no idea what color she thought his favorite to be, but he knew her dress wouldn’t be chartreuse. Dresses. He marched straight into the shop and bought the two dresses Jude had loved and left the brown sweater behind. He walked home leaving the texts unanswered. There was no point. They weren’t from the one person he wanted to hear from.

It was past lunchtime and he was hungry but didn’t have the energy to eat alone in a restaurant. Holding out one last hope, he didn’t have any motivation other than to get home to see if Jude was waiting for him.

When he walked in, the stale air hit him. That’s when he knew she hadn’t returned. She made air come alive just by breathing it. She made him come alive just by existing. Aimlessly, he shut the door and walked inside. He left his coat draped over a barstool as he walked to the couch and sat down. After setting his phone down on the coffee table in front of him, he stared at it, willing it to ring.

It didn’t.

He had never given her his number. She had never given him hers. He had never seen her with a phone, and didn’t think to ask about it.

Evening came and he lay down sideways, watching his phone, feeling she could overcome any obstacle; obstacles like not knowing his number, and still be able to call him.

The day passed and darkness shrouded his apartment as it infiltrated his heart. The light had left and gone home with her.

JUDE RANG THE bell outside the large black doors of the historic Lenox Hill brownstone. She stepped back and held on to the large concrete railing and shifted nervously. She hated this part. Hated it. She prayed Roman would answer and not Nadia.

Her breath stopped short when the door opened. When Roman looked out, she started breathing again. “Well, c’mon in, Hummingbird. Get upstairs and get cleaned up. Your parents have been in a foul mood all week and are due for tea soon.”

She walked in through the open door and looked around. The coast was clear, the black and white marble tiles sparkling, and Roman, her personal gladiator, a welcoming comfort. He’d always been there to help her fight her way back. “Thank you.” As she started up the main staircase, she said, “How bad will it be?”

He shook his head and looked away. That told her all she needed to know. But as she went up the stairs, he asked¸ “You’ve been taking your medicine?”

Nodding, she lied, “I have.”

He smiled. “Good. And, Hummingbird?” She rounded the case and stopped to look down at him before continuing. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you, too.” She then dashed up the rest of the stairs and ran down the hall to her room. She shut the door and leaned against it, resting. She wished she could lock it but that privilege had been taken away from her years ago.

She went into her bathroom and started the shower. Standing in front of the mirror, she unzipped her dress. It would forever remind her of a certain hazel-eyed guy. Something about seeing it come off now made her sad, made her feel the loss of him in her bones. Trying not to think about it, she hopped in the shower and scrubbed her body clean and quickly washed her unruly hair.

After she was squeaky clean, she dried off and blew her hair dry. She liked her hair down and natural, but she suppressed that small joy and her movements became automated. Rote. She pinned it back into a French twist and straightened her bangs, then neatly sprayed it so no hair was loose. Jude put on a pastel yellow shift dress and a matching cardigan, her pearl necklace and earrings. Horribly uncomfortable kitten heels were slipped on right after she applied her makeup meticulously until her skin was flawless to everyone. Everyone but her. Her dream life with Hazel switched off as she switched off the lights and went downstairs, descending into the darkness of her life.

Outside the formal living room, she took a deep breath, then rounded the corner with her hands clasped together in front. Classical music played in the background as her stepfather, mother, cousin Isla, and Aunt Leslie talked in a mannerly fashion to each other. Their teatime was like a modern day scene ripped from an Austen novel. They were so pretentious. Nobody worked harder than her family to appear like they were part of blue blood high society. Seeing them made Jude roll her eyes. If her father were still alive he would have laughed at this sight. It had been too many years since she had heard such a genuine and loving laugh that she feared she had forgotten what one sounds like. Her brother Ryan got his laugh. As Jude stood there, she realized all she had gotten was this charade of happiness.

All four looked up at the same time, her cousin’s mouth dropping open. Isla stood up. “Judith.”

Judith pushed down her fear and joined them, choosing to sit next to her aunt and across from her stepfather. Isla and her aunt moved in two years ago after Jude’s uncle died. They were lonely upstate, took up two guest bedrooms in the house, and never left. Isla and her mother were sandwiched between them on the antique couch. The chair she chose always overwhelmed Jude’s petite body and she felt like a child. But it beat being at the other end of that sofa. She reached for a cucumber sandwich and said, “Hello.”

Her mother, Renee, looked down at the napkin on her lap, clearly at a loss for words for her only daughter. Her stepfather wasn’t though. “Judith, where have you been? We’ve been worried.”

She finished the sandwich she had shoved into her mouth and wiped her fingers on the tea towel. “I was at a friend’s apartment.” The dreamiest of friends with the most captivating hazel eyes.

Nadia entered the room and set a teacup down for Jude, gave her an incriminating glare, turned on her heel, and then left them to finish the conversation. When Jude reached for the cup, her mother found her voice. “Do we know this friend?”