Sober equals no excuses. Sober means we both want it.

Before I can decide what I’m going to do, the seesaw outside lets out an ear-scratching squeak and Kai and I both shudder.

“God, I think that just broke my eardrum.” He presses his finger to his ear and works his jaw back and forth.

I free a trapped breath, relieved the noise happened and that it broke the intense moment. I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done if Kai kissed me while we were sober. Part of me craves another taste of his soft lips again and the explosions I felt inside, while another part of me can’t help but think of Kyler. Which means I shouldn’t be kissing Kai.

I need to figure out what I want.

“We should probably get going,” Kai says, gathering our trash, “if we’re going to get you back in time for class.”

“Yeah, we probably should.” I climb out of the tree, taking my trash with me.

The walk back to school is quiet. I want to break the silence, because it’s driving me crazy and makes me kinda sad—Kai and I never have awkward silence. But I don’t know what to say to him, since I’m a little unclear on why he seems so standoffish. Was it because of the kiss? Or something else?

“So I’m going to a party tomorrow,” he says to me as we turn and head up the path that leads to the entrance doors of the school. “I was thinking, if you wanted to, you could come with me.”

“That sounds fun, and I really wish I could go.” I really mean it. I wish I could go with him. “But . . . but I already told Kyler I’d go to his game.”

“Oh, okay.” Kai looks as perplexed as I feel.

I pick at a loose thread on the bottom of my dress as awkward silence stretches between us again. I hate this. I want to go back to our playful conversations. “Maybe if it gets over in time, I can meet up with you though,” I say.

“Yeah, maybe.” His forehead creases as he pulls open the door. “Are you driving with him? Or are you meeting him there?”

“He said I could ride with him . . . why?”

He shrugs as he holds the door open for me. “Just wondering if it’s a date or not.” He joins me in the hallway, letting the door go. “Sounds like a date to me, if he’s picking you up.” He grows quiet as he takes out his phone, glances at the screen, and chews on his bottom lip. “I have to go. I’ll see you later, okay?” With that, he strides off down the hallway.

I watch him until he disappears around the corner, and then I head for my locker, my mind swimming in a sea of confusion, where nothing makes sense, not even myself, which is sadly becoming my motto in life.

I worked so hard to reinvent myself while I was on the trip, but I’m starting to realize the makeover was solely an outside thing. While I appear to be put together on the outside, I’m still as confused and lost as I was when I left.

Maybe even more.

I SPEND THE rest of the day stressing over how upset Kai looked when he left, but the second I walk into my house, my worries for Kai fly right out the window.

My dad is sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and talking to Lynn about something while he reads over a piece of paper.

“Dad, you’re home,” I breathe in relief, wanting to get on my knees and kiss the ground. Yes! I no longer have to do chores for Lynn and Hannah.

But when he looks at me, my elation fizzles like flat soda. “We need to have a talk.”

“What do you mean by we?” I ask. “You and me, or . . . ?” I glance at Lynn.

She twists in her chair and smiles sweetly. “Your father, me, and you are all going to talk.” She pulls out a chair and pats the seat.

I hesitantly walk over to the table, dropping my bag on the floor before I take a seat in the chair farthest away from Lynn.

Her eyelids lower to slits, but she collects herself and reaches for the sugar dish in the middle of the table. “Your father and I are very worried about you, Isa.” She scoops up a spoonful of sugar and adds it to her coffee. “Ever since you went on that trip, you’ve been acting like a completely different person.”

“You wanted me to go on that trip,” I calmly remind her.

A shrill laugh escapes her lips. “I never agreed that you could go on that trip. I was always under the impression that you were going to spend the summer at your grandmother’s, getting a job and working so we would no longer have to spend so much money on you all the time.”

My fingers curl inward as I ball my hands into fists. “I pay for most of my stuff.” Which is the truth. Most of my pencils, sketchbooks, and clothes have come from money I’ve made doing part-time jobs here and there and from the cash my grandpa gave me.

“Stop lying.” She stirs her coffee, sitting in the chair with perfect posture, trying to appear like the calm, picture-perfect woman she’s not. “You’ve been doing too much of that lately.”

“I haven’t lied about anything,” I say, fighting to keep my temper under control.

She wipes the spoon clean on the brim of the cup before setting it down on the table. “Maybe lying isn’t the right word. But you’ve been keeping secrets from us.”

I sort through my thoughts, trying to figure out which secret she’s referring to.

“I’m talking about all the snooping you’ve been doing,” she says. “For the last couple of weeks, you’ve torn this house apart every time your father and I aren’t around.”

I glance at the paper my dad was looking at when I walked in. It looks like a receipt from a hotel in Virginia, but it doesn’t make any sense, since he was supposed to be in Florida. “How do you know I was looking for something?”

My dad must notice I’m looking, because he folds up the paper and stuffs it into his briefcase.

“I have my ways of finding out what you’ve been up to.” Lynn’s icy gaze warns me a storm is coming for me, and I’m not going to be able to get out of its path. “But that doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that you found what you were looking for.”

“I didn’t find it.” I feel like I’m walking into a trap. “Hannah left it on my bed, but I think you already know that, don’t you?”

“Isabella, stop lying!” My dad suddenly explodes, slamming his fist onto the table.

I jump, my heart slamming against my chest. “Dad, I—”

“Don’t you dare make excuses!” He cuts me off, stabbing a trembling finger in my direction. “You had no right to look for your birth certificate. No right at all.”

“I do too have a right.” I suck back the tears, refusing to cry in front of them. “It’s my birth certificate. And when I turn eighteen in a few months, you would have had to give it to me anyway.”

His face reddens with anger. “You don’t even know what you’re getting into. Just because you found out about her,” he flinches, casting a panicked glance in Lynn’s direction, “you think you understand everything.”

“What I understand is that I was lied to for years. That the people I always thought were my family aren’t. That this place,” I flail my hand around at the kitchen, “wasn’t always my home. That all these damn years I spent here, feeling like a fucking outcast, could’ve been avoided if you would’ve just let Grandma raise me, instead of bringing me into a family who hates me!” I’m breathing ravenously by the time I’m finished, but it feels so good to get it out.

The vein in my dad’s forehead bulges as he glides his hand across the table and clutches my hand. “You will never talk to me that way again. Do you understand? I won’t let you turn into your mother. I won’t let you turn into that vile woman who ruined my life.”

His fingers dig so violently into my hand I’m pretty sure I’m going to have bruises. “From now on, you will do everything Lynn and I tell you.” He lets me go and pushes back from the table. “And as far as I’m concerned, she is your mother.” He looks at Lynn before storming out of the kitchen.