I looked down, unable to meet the intensity. I wanted to bury my face in my hands, but his body had me immobilized. Though I’d planned to ignore what Greg had said, doubts about Aleksandr were always there. I’d never know what happened while Aleksandr was in Charlotte, or on a road trip. I’d never know who he was hanging out with or if he flirted with other women, whether it was his personality or not. I had to push aside my doubts and insecurities about situations I couldn’t control and only think about what I could.
I seized his lips again and jumped up to wrap my legs around his waist. He adjusted his arms to cradle me easily, which made me wish I hadn’t worn fishnet stockings under my skirt. He pulled back from me, panting and smiling.
“I’m not going to fuck you in the bathroom of a bar, Audushka.”
“Why not?” I asked, breathless and confused.
He leaned in, his lips brushing my ear, and whispered, “When I fuck you, it’ll be special. Like on the ice or the bar at my place.”
“Those choices sure do sound romantic.” I laughed and jumped down. He released his grip on my backside, but his hands stayed on my hips. “What are you doing here?”
“You needed me. I came.”
It was that simple for him.
“When do you have to go back?” I couldn’t believe he’d hopped on a plane just to visit me. I must have sounded just as rough as I felt in the message I’d left him last night.
“Tomorrow morning.”
I nodded as my heart deflated. Puddles that had been accumulating in the rims of my eyes spilled out.
“Please don’t do that.” He took my face in his hands, pushing my hair back and wiping the skin under my eyes with his thumbs. “I thought you’d be happy, Audushka.”
“I am.” I nodded again, lips quivering as I spoke. “You didn’t have to come here. You’ve got more important things to think about.”
“When will you understand how much I love you?” He tilted my face until my eyes met his. “Nothing is more important than you.”
And just like that, Aleksandr Varenkov turned my world upside down again. He had a talent for cutting through my bullshit and calling me out when I was acting like an idiot. He was the kind of person I needed to keep me grounded.
“Can’t wait to see your sexy ass on stage.” He flipped the lock on the bathroom door, biting his lower lip and throwing me a wink as he backed out.
I rushed to the sink, taking a few deep breaths before turning the nozzle for the cold water and running the inside of my wrists under the stream. The frigid liquid did little to calm my excitement.
I needed Aleksandr, and he came. Someone dropping everything to rush to my side was as foreign a concept to me as asking for help. Maybe I didn’t realize what love really meant.
When I heard one of the bathroom stalls behind me unlock, my shoulders stiffened and my knuckles turned white, gripping the sink. The reflection of one of Josh’s many hook-ups appeared in the mirror. I didn’t let on that I recognized her, ignoring her presence and grabbing a paper towel to dry my hands instead.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to listen. It’s just, you locked the door and I didn’t want to interrupt,” she explained. She stepped up to the sink next to me and began washing her hands. “That was intense. Who was he?”
Without taking my eyes from my reflection, I wiped away the smeared eyeliner with my fingertips and coated my lips with red gloss before turning to face her.
“Who was who?” I answered, yanking the door open and exiting the room. Maybe it was rude, but unlike many girls I’d come across in college town bathrooms, I didn’t discuss my love life with strangers in the bathroom.
The guys were probably getting antsy, so I hurried to the stage. I mulled over a dozen excuses as I walked back. Though the other guys would want fist bumps, I doubted telling Greg, I almost fucked Aleksandr in the bathroom would have gone over well.
“Social D!” Aaron yelled as soon as I jumped on stage and took my place behind the microphone stand. Thanks to my audition, the Social Distortion version of “Making Believe” had become one of our signature covers.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The song started with a slow, heart-wrenching verse, just my voice against the backdrop of Aaron’s guitar. The second verse was the same, but Greg’s bass and Josh’s drum beats kicked in flawlessly. I put both hands on the microphone and looked straight ahead, seeing only the tops of bobbing heads until I got into a groove. As I began to loosen up, I released one hand to tap my upper thigh with the beat while I sang.
It was surprisingly easy to get into my groove despite knowing Aleksandr was somewhere in the audience watching. When I was onstage, Auden left my body, and the unnamed, unrecognizable lead singer of Strange Attraction took over. It was almost second nature for my alter ego to flirt with people in the crowd and writhe against the microphone stand.
I scanned the crowd as I sang, making sure I paused to catch the eyes of men in the audience. I locked eyes with a guy right in front of the stage and threw him a seductive smirk before searching the crowd for another poor soul to tease. Being onstage always triggered Greg’s earliest piece of advice. The key to being a successful front woman was to be sultry and unforgettable. Bands with female singers are easy to ignore if their presence didn’t captivate the audience.
Aleksandr stood in the middle of the floor, eyes transfixed on me. I had never seen him look at me the way he was looking at me at this moment. And I’m not talking about a lust-induced gaze like he’d had in the bathroom. I could only describe it as awe; maybe even admiration. As if he was aware of me in a manner he never had been before. Did I catch a glint of pride? Whatever it was it made me want to jump off the stage and run away with him.
Threads of self-doubt invaded my thoughts, as I continued to analyze how Aleksandr viewed my performance. Lead singer Auden could sing Aaron’s song choice with no emotional attachment, but Aleksandr’s presence made me feel like myself instead of my character. Real Auden faltered, forgetting the lyrics that came next.
Aaron caught my error and leaned into his microphone to sing with me, leading me to the right words. Grabbing my own mike off the stand, I spun toward him and grinned, then reached out and touched his shoulder in appreciation. When I turned back to the crowd, my eyes instantly found Aleksandr. I didn’t want to focus on anyone else. Didn’t want to pretend I didn’t care that he’d dropped everything and come to see me because I was having a mental breakdown.
After six more songs, Aaron’s voice boomed, amplified by his microphone. “Thanks for coming out tonight.”
He’d cut our set thirty minutes short by my estimation. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, but faced forward to thank the crowd and say good night myself.
“What the fuck was that?” Greg demanded, stomping toward Aaron while violently pulling his guitar strap over his head. I almost laughed when it got caught on his ear and jerked his head to the side. I chalked it up to karma for coming at Aaron like a madman.
Aaron ignored gregarious Greg and put his hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
“Rough night?” Josh asked, pulling the hem of his T-shirt up to wipe his sweaty face.
“Sorry, guys. Aleksandr’s here and I haven’t seen him since he left for Charlotte, and a bunch of family shit went down yesterday. I just couldn’t concentrate.” The words rushed out because I didn’t want to spend one more moment with my bandmates when I could be with Aleksandr.
“Let her go. She’s obviously in heat,” Greg said. I flinched at his words though I knew the ridiculous reaction came from jealousy.
“She’s not a dog,” Aaron snapped.
I ignored Greg. Lashing out at me because he was upset wasn’t right, but I didn’t want to deal with him right now.