“Alright, change of plans because I can’t listen to the shit they’re playing anymore. Either hurry up or put on something good.”

“Now who’s being impatient?” I tease. Tossing my wavy hair back away from my face, I stuff a handful of underwear into my bag before nodding at the laptop on my desk. “The password is ABCD95.” He gives me a look that screams how incredibly lame he thinks that is, and I lift my shoulders guiltily. “It was easy to remember—the first four letters of the alphabet and the year I was born. Nobody’s figured it out yet.”

Grinning, he opens the screen and starts typing in the password. “Until you just handed it over to me on a silver platter,” he drawls, and I press my lips into a smirk.

“I think I’ve been doing that a lot here lately.”

“Don’t worry, as soon as we—” But then his words catch in his throat. Cocking my eyebrow, I look up from my bag to see him staring at my computer screen, unblinking.

“What’s wrong—” I start, taking a few steps in his direction, but then I stop as he silently turns the laptop toward me so I can see the screen. Suddenly, I have a clear view of what has affected him so much.

It’s the smiling photo of me with my sister.

A dull pain settles on my chest as he comes to his feet and backs away from my desk, shaking his head. “Miller,” he whispers harshly. “Miller.” He drags his hand roughly over his face, as if he’s forcing what he’s seeing into his brain, and then he turns his gaze on me. I’m struck by the look in his eyes. “You know—knew—this girl?”

“Yes,” I whisper.

“Who was she to you?”

I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe, and I’m suddenly shaking, but I finally let out, “She was my sister, Rhys. Lily was my older sister.”

He turns toward Corinne’s bed and his shoulders are hunched as he takes in heavy breaths. “And you already know who I am, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I say, and he releases a broken noise that reaches into me and breaks me apart.

“Did you know before you fucked me? Or did you figure it out when you let me spill all my shit to you?”

I take a hesitant step in his direction, and when I reach out and feather my fingers over his shoulder, he rips himself away from my touch. “Rhys, I—”

He turns to me, his face a mask of anger and pain, and he leans away from me. “Don’t dance around the goddamn question, Evelyn. Did you know who I was when you came over that first night?”

Hanging my head in shame, I stare at the floor. I should’ve known this would happen. Hell, I realized he would eventually have to find out that I’m Lily’s sister, but I didn’t want it to be like this. This is just ... wrong.

“I figured it out the first day we met in Professor Cameron’s office. That’s why I didn’t—” Clenching my hands into tight fists by my side, I release a tremulous breath. “That’s why I didn’t come to lessons with you at first. Because I was angry and afraid. I thought being around you would make me think of nothing but my sister.”

He reaches out as if to touch my face, but then he winces and fists his hands. “And you didn’t say a word?” he demands. “You didn’t think that it would be important to me? All this time I let you avoid telling me anything about yourself. I let myself believe you had a good reason. But this—” Closing his blue green eyes, he lets a rush of air filter from his flared nostrils. “I never expected this. I’m a fool.”

“I didn’t want to make things awkward,” I explain, and I feel the first tears start to race down my cheek. “We weren’t supposed to end up like this. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore than you’ve already—”

“Evelyn.” This time he touches my face, his fingers warm and gentle, comforting, in spite of his anger. “My brother killed your sister. I was the reason why he was back out on the streets to begin with, and yet you’re talking about hurting me? What about you? What about your family?”

“I don’t blame you,” I blurt out. “I don’t blame you because I’m just as guilty. If it hadn’t been for me she wouldn’t have been walking home. I told her to walk home because I was pissed at her, and then she died.” The last word is practically screamed, and I’m trembling so much that I have to fold my arms around my stomach to still myself. “I. Don’t. Blame. You.”

“I wish you would.” Dropping his hands from my face, he backs away from me slowly, each step breaking my heart into tiny pieces. I don’t want him to go. I don’t want us to end this way. I don’t want us to end at all. “I wish you would’ve told me the truth because maybe—” But he cuts himself off with a harsh laugh that pierces me to my core.

“Maybe it would’ve changed things?” I ask softly, but he moves his head from side to side. His eyes burn in to mine as he reaches for the doorknob.

“No,” he tells me, “I would still be in love with you. So telling me wouldn’t have changed much of anything.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

My pride, and the fact that harsh, broken sobs rock my body, keeping me firmly rooted in place, stops me from going after Rhys. I sink down on the edge of my bed. There are so many more things I want to say to him. I want to tell him that I have fallen in love with him too. That I don’t want to let him go because I haven’t felt anything like this since before Lily died. I want to tell him that since I met him, he’s woken me up, breathed new life into me—made me feel alive.

I want to tell him everything, but as the pain clouds my vision, I can’t.

My chest hurts, like someone has reached into it and given my heart an angry twist. And as I lie curled on my side with my knees pulled against my chest, I know this is a mess of my very own making.

I won’t screw up this year. I won’t. I will not wreck things this time.

Somehow, I had done exactly what I swore I wouldn’t do. I have fallen headfirst in love with the one person who could wreck me—the only person I can wreck just as easily.

When Corinne returns to our room, she’s chattering about how ridiculous Daniel is, but she stops short, her breath catching at the sight of me crying. “Evie?” she finally whispers hesitantly, and I hear the door ease shut behind her. I see the toes of her pink and white Chucks as she comes over to my bed. I close my eyes, and when I open them, she has kneeled down in front of me so that her bright green eyes are level to mine.

She tilts her head to the side, her red and brown curls falling against her shoulder as she looks at me in concern. “Do you want to talk?” she asks. “I can listen. Or I can just stay here with you. Just let me know.” When I don’t say anything and only shake my head, she touches my wrist, her small hands oddly comforting. “I won’t leave, okay? You stayed with me when I needed you, so I won’t leave.”

She keeps her word, sitting on her bed and listening to music until I finally sit up. I brush the strands of hair that are clinging to my face away and flick my tongue over my dry lips. “I should start from the beginning,” I say before I answer every question she’s ever asked, every question I’ve successfully evaded. As soon as I’m done, she crosses her arms over her small chest thoughtfully.

“You just have to talk to him, Evie,” she tells me.

So, I do.

***

On Monday afternoon, Kendra tells me the exact same thing when I return her call after I finish showering. For the second time this semester, I’ve skipped Sight Singing and Dictation to try and regroup my thoughts, but it hasn’t helped. If anything I just feel worse.

“I tried to call him.”

Kendra sucks in a breath. “Well then try again. You messed up before by not telling him the truth but you can fix things. You can always fix things if you just suck it up and put everything out there.”

Of course that’s always easier said than done, but I agree with her. “I should have told him.” I squeeze my eyes closed and I can still see the hurt look on Rhys’ beautiful face when he discovered that Lily was my sister. No wonder he doesn’t want to answer my call—he feels betrayed. “He blames himself just as much as I’ve been blaming myself.”