“Those are excuses, all the reasons why he thinks you shouldn’t love him. That’s not exactly an answer.” Blair paused for a moment. “He loves you.”

She said it like it was a given, and the second she did, I realized it was.

“Yeah. He does.”

“So what would it take for the two of you to come out of all of this together?”

“Honestly? I don’t know.”

“Would you need to leave town?”

“Probably. If by ‘leave town’ you mean develop new identities and go on the run. Even if we figure out who’s responsible, even if we expose them, I think we’ll always be looking over our shoulders; there will always be someone else who’s threatened by the information that comes out. You know how these things are; it’s like a hydra, once you cut off one head, two more pop up. Everyone’s in bed with each other, everyone’s connected. We can’t have a life as ourselves anymore.”

“Would you be okay with that? Would you be okay with leaving everything behind—your job, family, friends—and starting a new life with Matt?”

The answer made me feel so guilty, but I said it anyway.

“Yeah. I would. I love you and Jackie. So much. But Matt’s my family, too.” He was more than that. He was also my heart. “It’s not just about Matt anymore, though. People died because of our father. How many more people will be killed because they stand between him and something he wants? Someone has to stop him. I think I have the tools to do it. And if it means saving Matt, then I don’t see how I have a choice. It’s the right thing to do. And it’s what I want. I don’t want this to spill over to you and Jackie. I just want to keep the people I love safe.”

Blair was quiet for a moment. I knew she was reluctant to get too involved in this, knew that she hated the dirty side of politics, the ruthlessness that seemed to go hand-in-hand with the way our father conducted business. I wanted to shield her from as much of this as I could. She’d spent her whole life playing big sister; now it was my turn to take care of her.

“I get it. That’s how I felt about going to Boston with Gray.” She shot me a sad smile. “It’ll be the end of an era. No Reynolds girls in D.C. What will Capital Confessions do?”

I laughed, despite the urge to cry. “I think Jackie will hold down the fort. Hell, she’ll probably be running this town in no time. I fully expect Will to be in the White House before he turns forty.”

Blair grinned. “I was going with forty-five, but if you want to make a wager …”

“Deal.”

Blair’s expression sobered. “Whatever happens, wherever you go, you’ll always be my sister. And I’ll always love you. I’m here for you, for whatever you need.”

“I know.” Emotion clogged my throat. “I love you, too.” I wrapped my arms around her. “We’ve done pretty well for ourselves, haven’t we? No horrible arranged marriages to men decades older than us. You say ‘fuck’ occasionally and you stopped wearing those stupid pastel dresses that our mother always tried to dress you in and I haven’t seen a ginormous bow in your hair in ages.”

Blair snorted. “God, those were horrible.”

“And I’m happy. Really happy.”

“I know.” Blair grinned. “Yeah. The Reynolds sisters did well.”

Chapter Thirteen

Capital Confessions is sad to report the death of …

—Capital Confessions blog

Matt

I walked up the stairs to Kate’s apartment, feeling the first stirrings of hope that we might have a way out of this. The guy I’d talked to had worked personal security in Afghanistan for Intech, and while he’d signed a nondisclosure agreement, he’d seen enough over there to be willing to speak to me. I couldn’t use him as a source, but he’d given me what I needed to point me in the right direction.

I used the key Kate had given me earlier, wondering if she was back from lunch and shopping with her sisters. I opened the door and froze over the threshold.

Kate sat on the couch with Blair, their eyes red, their gazes locked on mine.

Kate broke the silence first. “I told her.”

I shut the door behind me, feeling a bit like the walls were closing in. I’d grown up with both of them, and while Kate and I had always been closer, Blair had still been like a sister to me. We were the same age, and even though we’d always had different personalities, we’d been close. Seeing her was a punch to the gut, a blast from the past that I’d known I’d face eventually, but still felt unprepared for.

And maybe, more than anything, I felt a little guilty because I should have treated her sister better. Blair had no doubt seen firsthand the pain Kate had experienced with my “death.”

Blair rose from the couch, walking toward me, and then her arms were around me, her body shaking as she cried. I held her, a lump in my throat, her presence another reminder of the life I’d lost, of the disconnect between who I had been and who I’d become. I looked over Blair’s shoulder and my gaze connected with Kate’s.

She stood a few feet away, her arms wrapped around her body, a smile playing at her lips, her eyes welling up with tears. All it took was one look. One look that anchored me and set me to rights. She was the constant, the one person who I knew would accept me no matter how lost I felt inside. She saw me, somehow carved through the parts of me that filled me with shame, and found the essence that had been in the boy before, the essence that I guessed hadn’t died after all.

I was a mess, had become someone who no longer felt comfortable in their own skin, who didn’t recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror. But she did. And right now that was enough to give me something to hold on to, something to believe in, something that would keep me going until I could come out the other side.

Blair pulled back, squeezing my arm, more tears spilling down her cheeks.

“I’m so glad that you’re okay. I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you, too.” I swallowed. “I’m sorry about everything. Sorry about the trouble I’ve brought Kate. Sorry I lied to all of you for so long. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want you guys to be hurt because of me.”

Blair shook her head. “You don’t owe me anything. You did what you had to do to stay alive.” Her gaze jerked to where Kate stood and then came back to me. She squeezed my hand. “Do right by her. You always did before. She deserves that.”

“I will.”

“Good.” Blair smiled. “Well, I think I’m going to get out of your hair. I have dinner plans with Gray, and you guys look like you want some time to yourselves. Are you going to be around for a while?”

“Yeah. I will.”

“Maybe you can meet my boyfriend. You’d like each other, I think.”

It was good to see Blair so happy. Before I’d left for Afghanistan she’d been dating Thom Wyatt, and after years of seeing them together, I’d never gotten the impression that they were a good fit. I’d heard about the drama surrounding her broken engagement in Capital Confessions, so it made a little more sense now, and it was good to see her finally in a relationship that brought that look to her eyes.

“I’m sure I would. I’d like that. And I’d like to spend more time together.”

We said our good-byes, and then she walked out, leaving Kate and me by ourselves in the living room. Her cheeks looked slightly pink—I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen Kate be embarrassed by anything—and I wondered if Blair’s big-sister talk was the culprit. Kate had never been comfortable with other people trying to take care of her.

“Sorry to blindside you like that,” Kate said with a wry smile. “I didn’t realize you would be back so soon.”

I shook my head. “It’s fine. I’m glad I got to see Blair. I’ve missed her, too.”

We stood staring at each other, several feet apart, and suddenly the whole thing felt stupid and wrong. I’d thought that if I kept a tight leash on my emotions, if I tried to compartmentalize our relationship into tiny, manageable little boxes, I could deal with seeing her again, with being around her again. Obviously, the sex box had been blown open, and the friendship one, too, but I’d tried to convince myself that if I could just keep a lid on the emotional one, all would be well.