I sat there, staring at the screen, my temper steadily building with each moment that passed. What the hell was she thinking? She knew what her father was capable of—had already paid the price for it multiple times—how could she put herself in jeopardy like this? How could she take such big fucking risks?

I sent a text to Jasper, telling him to keep a closer eye on Kate, fear mixing in with the anger. I needed to get back to D.C., needed to know that she was safe. And more than anything, we needed to end this and get the dirt we needed on my father and hers, because if anything happened to her, I’d tear their fucking world down and dance on their graves.

Chapter Nine

Kate Reynolds and her sister, Jackie Gardner, were seen out at dinner in Alexandria on a double date. Jackie was in the company of her fiancé, Virginia Senator Will Clayton. Kate’s date was tall, dark, and handsome …

—Capital Confessions blog

Kate

There was something surreal about being on a date with a guy who wasn’t Matt. I was twenty-two and I’d only dated one guy in my entire life. Only kissed one guy, touched one guy, slept with one guy. I’d been so young when we’d become a couple that pretty much as soon as I’d started looking at boys as someone to kiss rather than just play ball with, I was in so deep that I didn’t see anyone but Matt. So to be on a date with someone who wasn’t him—even a double date that was more for appearances than anything else—felt really, really weird.

The guy Jackie and Will had set me up with wasn’t bad. His name was Paul and he worked as an attorney for the Environmental Protection Agency. He was cute and funny, and I didn’t have any major objection to him or anything, but he wasn’t Matt, and even if I had been in the market for a boyfriend, I just didn’t feel any sparks. Not even a half of a spark, which was made worse by the fact that I was on a date with one of the most obviously in love couples of all time. Each time Will looked at Jackie with a gleam in his eyes, each time she beamed back at him, another barb pierced my heart. I was so happy for them; Jackie had been through a rough childhood and she deserved a happy ending more than anyone, but they also reminded me of all I’d lost. Which definitely didn’t help with my date.

Jackie and Will arranged for Paul to take me home, using the excuse that they were going in the opposite direction, and no matter how many times I protested that I was fine going home on my own, apparently Paul was a gentleman. He insisted on walking me up to my door, likely recognizing that my neighborhood and building weren’t the greatest. The irony being that the hired gun somewhere out there probably posed a bigger threat to my personal safety than a junkie looking to score, but whatever. I let Paul play knight-in-shining-armor, figuring I’d never see him again.

Maybe I was a bitch for not giving him more of a fair shot, but I just didn’t see the point. I’d given away my heart long ago, and no matter what everyone said, I didn’t envision myself moving on to another guy. For better or worse, when I’d fallen in love, that had been it, and if he never returned, I’d rather live my life alone than try to find someone who would never fill the space in my heart that would always be Matt’s.

I unlocked my apartment door, not really sure how this was supposed to go down. I’d never done the whole standing-over-the-threshold awkward-date-ending moment. I didn’t want to say anything that would give him the wrong idea, but I also didn’t know how to let him down gently.

I smiled up at him, hoping it struck the right tone between polite and platonic. “Well, thanks for the evening.”

He grinned. “Thank you. I had a really great time.”

Gah. I didn’t want to say, me too, because it was a total lie, and would likely make him think that I was interested in a repeat. But I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, either.

So I didn’t say anything at all; instead, I gave him a tense little smile. And then he swooped down, his lips coming dangerously close to mine. It was instinct. I twisted my head to the side, just as his mouth hit my skin, the kiss grazing my jaw like an arrow that had completely missed its mark.

This was too awkward for words.

“I should go,” I whispered, my cheeks on fire. I hesitated, remembering how I’d felt when I’d learned that Matt had been alive this whole time. It wasn’t the same, or even close to it, but I found myself blurting out the truth because I had a whole new appreciation for how much it sucked when someone toyed with your feelings.

“You seem like a really nice guy, and I’m sorry, it’s totally me, but I’m just not in a place where I’m interested in dating.”

A flash of disappointment filled his eyes and then he nodded. “Just out of a long relationship?”

I forced a smile. “Something like that.”

We said our good-byes, but not before he gave me another kiss, this time on my cheek, and then I was shutting my front door, my body sagging against the wall. I closed my eyes, fighting back the tears, anger raging through me. Why was I here? Why was I at this point in my life? I should have been married by now, living in a house Matt and I had made a home. We should have been starting our lives together, and instead, I was going on fucking blind dates and coming home to an empty house while I worried if he was dead somewhere in a fucking war zone.

Fuck that.

I opened my eyes and pushed off the wall, and then I heard a voice coming from the dark bedroom.

“Did you have a nice night?”

I froze, my heart pounding, my mouth going dry. My gaze fixated on the sight of Matt, my Matt, walking out of the bedroom, his gaze on me.

He was back.

Matt

I’d been in Afghanistan, in the tribal regions, trying to find out what business Intech and Senator Reynolds might have with an Afghani warlord, and she’d been on a date, wearing a dress that was—

I swallowed, words temporarily failing me.

Kate had never been into dresses and I’d always been into Kate being herself, so I’d never really cared one way or another what she wore. And even though I knew I had no business caring, it bothered me a lot that she’d gone out on a date with some guy looking as fucking amazing as she looked, while I’d spent the last few weeks in hell, thinking of her.

“Who was the guy?” I asked, struggling to keep my tone casual, realizing that we’d never had the conversation about whether there’d been anyone else in the time we’d been apart. I hadn’t asked, because part of me couldn’t handle her answer either way. I hated the idea of her living her life in some sort of funeral shroud, years spent mourning me, but I also wasn’t prepared for the idea of her with another man.

If it had happened, fine, I just didn’t want to hear about it—or hear it on the other side of the fucking door.

Kate blinked, her gaze narrowing. She didn’t make any effort to move closer, but I could feel her annoyance even with the few feet that separated us.

“That’s where you want to start? You’ve been gone for weeks, left in the middle of the night after we were together,” she sputtered. “Don’t even get me started on the whole fucking fake death thing, and on top of that, you somehow think it’s okay to waltz back in here and what? Give me shit about my dating life?”

“So you’re dating him?” I closed the distance between us with three strides. “Were you dating him when you had your hand on my cock? When you clenched down around my fingers?”

Fury lit in her eyes, her hands shoving me backward.

“Apparently death made you an asshole,” she snapped.

She was right; who she fucked or didn’t fuck was none of my business. I’d relinquished all claims to her, and if that meant she kissed other guys, there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. Or so I told myself, at least, even as I knew the lie behind my words. Things had changed between us, but I’d lived my entire life knowing that Kate loved me, and this thing between us was too strong for me to doubt it.