“Bell, Manda just saw Jesse walk in.” Kate comes up to me as I sit talking to a couple of girls who introduced themselves as Elisha and Carly. It’s been thirty minutes and I was beginning to think he wasn’t going to show.

“Oh, God, Kate.” I panic so she takes my hand and drags me back inside to where Lissy is playing pool with some young guy.

I hang back in the corner, watching Jesse as he sits at the bar and shoots back drink after drink.

“If you don’t talk to Jesse soon, he’ll be too drunk to talk.” Manda pushes me forward, but I’m not ready. I need more time.

“Not yet.” I shake my head and step back.

Oh, gosh, why does it have to be so hard?

He throws another drink back, then Hunter hands him a beer, before he stands and moves outside. I should follow him, but I don’t. I’m too nervous.

“Right, that’s it. You need alcohol.” Lissy walks up, grabs my hand and drags me to the bar.

“No, Lissy.” My head shakes as fast as the words come rushing out. I’m not willing to let my defenses down. I rarely drink. I hate the way it makes me feel. I’m not about to start now.

“This is why we came here, Bell. Don’t chicken out now,” Manda tries to encourage me but it’s not working.

“Just let him relax a little, okay?” I ask, trying to give myself time.

“Fine, you’ve got twenty minutes, or I’m going up to him myself.” She turns and heads back to the pool table.

“Twenty minutes,” I say, attempting to build myself up.

You can do this, Bell. For Paige. I think to myself.

You have to do it.

Five Jesse

I shut off my bike and look around the parking lot of the clubhouse compound. The normally quiet area is buzzing with cars, bikes and people tonight, but for the first time in years, I’m not in the mood. I just spent the last few hours in physical therapy, trying to get my goddamn ankle back to where it was a few months ago. I’m frustrated, pissed, and the first thing on my mind is a beer or three. Walking along the gravel lot, I scan the area checking out the talent in tonight. There’s never a shortage of women hanging around the Rebels’ clubhouse, but since Nix and Sy have both settled down, it’s put a damper on the women walking through the doors.

“Hey, Jesse.” Hunter nods when I walk up to the bar. He places a shot of whiskey in front of me knowing exactly what I need. “How’d it go today?” he asks, noticing my limp.

“I’m gonna need another shot before answering.” He nods again, not fully understanding but not pushing either. Hunter is newly patched. He’s a good guy, young but loyal.

“Busy night?” I spin in my stool and notice the club is louder than normal.

“Yep, got an influx tonight. Your type too.” His smirk tells me my night is about to change.

“Fuck yeah.” I take stock of who’s in before turning back and motioning for another shot. My hand reaches for the pills my doctor prescribed me, and I pop two instead of one for good measure. New women in the club? My mood just picked up. With the way my ankle is throbbing, I’m gonna need some loosening up.

“Who’s here?” I watch him fill my glass with a double shot. Good man.

“Sy and Nix are in tonight.” He indicates to the back door letting me know where they are.

“Both?” I ask, shocked they’re here. Kadence just had a baby and Holly is very pregnant.

“Yep.” He fills me up a third time and I throw it back quicker than the first. My plan tonight is to hit it hard, numb out the pain of what hours of physical therapy does to me, and then hopefully sink in to some tight pussy. This is my preferred medication.

“Another,” I say, starting to feel the alcohol warm my blood. He doesn’t refill me like I expect him to, but rather hands me a beer. I can see the concern in his eyes, and instead of arguing with him and leaving myself open to questions, I take the beer and stand. “Be back,” I tell him as I walk around the length of the bar heading out to where the rest of the crew is hanging.

“Where the fuck you been?” Nix slurs when I walk out and pull up a seat.

“Fucking doctors,” I tell him, not going into details of how fucked I’m feeling. I don’t know why I don’t share with them. The Knights Rebels are my family, more than my own blood, but I don’t need their pity. They don’t need to know my struggle. “What the fuck you doing here?” I look around for his wife, Kadence.

“Needed a fuckin’ break,” he shrugs like its no big deal but I know it’s not true.

“Where’s Kadence?”

“Home.” He finishes his drink and picks up another.

“Kids?” I push, knowing they are going through some shit, but I’m still concerned for my friend and mainly for Kadence. Kadence and I met five years ago, at one of the group therapy sessions I hold down at the burn unit. I might not be able to be a firefighter, but I still like to help where I can.

“Just drop it, Jesse.” He ignores my question, which only concerns me more. The last few months' things have been tense. Kadence hit rock bottom before Nix stepped in, and I don’t know much about postpartum depression, but I do deal with post-traumatic stress, and seeing my friend suffer the way I suffer, breaks my heart. Seeing their family fall apart, and having our solid foundations rocked freaks me out. I can’t have them come undone around me.

“Are you okay?” I ask when his leg starts to bounce.

“Jesse, does it look like I’m fuckin’ okay?” He slams his fist down on the table, quieting everyone around us. “I’m fuckin’ outta here.” He stands on shaky legs, trying to catch his balance.

“You’re not going anywhere, boss.” Brooks stands and takes him by the arm.

“I need to go home,” he complains, pulling out of his hold.

“You need to fuckin’ think straight.” Red, Nix’s old man, grabs his other arm and takes him back inside, straight to his room.

“Anyone know what the fuck is going on?” I ask, looking to Holly and Sy.

“He’s just having a bad week,” Sy answers, rubbing Holly’s pregnant belly.

“Thought they sorted their shit?” I think back over the last two months and how far Kadence has come.

“They have. She’s getting there but it’s going to take time,” Holly answers, and I hope she’s right. This is the only solid family I have, I don’t need more fucked-up shit in my life. I take a pull of my beer and go back to scanning for some pussy. The last thing I need is to sit around this depressing shit all night.

“What’s up, Jesse? You seem tense.” Brooks comes back from helping Nix inside and takes his seat next to me.

“I’m not.” I shrug, catching the back of a group of girls standing over by the grill. Hello.

“How’s Jackson doing?” someone asks, but I stand, not in the mood for talking about my brother.

“Be back.” I wave them off, and move toward the women standing in a close group.

“Hello, ladies, you look lost.” I’m a little unsteady after those few shots and pills I popped, but it doesn’t stop me. Nothing stops me when I’m like this.

“Hi,” a short brunette smiles up at me, but she’s not my type, so I turn to dismiss her.

“This your first time in the club?” I look between the two other ladies.

“Yeah,” a blonde answers and I turn my attention to her. Now, this one is more my type.

“Can I get you a drink?” I move in closer to let her know I’m interested.

“Umm, sure,” she answers. I spy her girly drink and tell her I’ll be back. Walking back inside I head straight for the bar. I can still feel my foot aching so I throw back two more shots before getting another beer and heading back outside.

When I make it back out, the blonde is gone, so I turn to make sure I didn’t miss her inside.