“Ummm, I think I have something planned already,” I cover, hiding my disappointment that Jesse is not comfortable with me coming along.

“You’re coming. No arguments. We need to talk about last night,” Nix orders, leaving no room for me to back out. Still needing some kind of cue from Jesse, I look up to him.

“If the boss man says you’re coming, then you better be there.” He shrugs and takes my hand. When we woke up this morning, Jesse was back to the fun-loving guy he always seems to be. Fake and content to live that life. I know it’s not healthy to allow myself this sort of relationship, but the thought of having nothing, doesn’t appeal to me anymore, now that he has given me something.

“Okay, see you tonight.” I turn back to Nix, hoping he doesn’t chew me out in front of everyone. Jesse doesn’t let us hang around. Tugging me along, we continue our journey out to the car.

“You sure you’re okay with me coming?” I ask when we stop at my car. Jesse doesn’t answer right away. I tilt my head back and narrow my gaze.

“You gonna pull any more stunts that could get me into shit with my club? ‘Cause like I told you last night, sweetheart, Nix is giving you a pass on that. He won’t give you any more.”

“Jesse, I promise I won’t do anything like that again,” I tell him, wishing I could take it all back. Take everything back. Maybe I wouldn’t have messed things up.

“Good, then no, I have no problem. You can even come with me.” He leans down and presses his mouth to mine.

“Okay, good. But I should meet you.” I push against his lips knowing he’s about to argue with me.

“You still sneaking out like a teenager?” He pulls back, the long dips in his frown telling me he’s not impressed.

“No, I’m just warming up to telling them. It’s not something I can just throw on them.”

“Where did they think you were last night?” he asks and I can’t help but cringe.

“Working a double.” I bite my lip, waiting for him to let me have it.

“Bell, that is not normal.”

“I know. Jesus, I don’t need a lecture from you, too. You of all people should understand this. Not that it’s anyone’s business where I spend my time. I just find it’s better for all parties if they think I’m hanging out with Lissy, or at work and not some badass biker clubhouse.” I nudge my head, pointing at the front of the clubhouse. His lips part slightly and I raise my brows, waiting for him to push, to tell me how ridiculous this whole thing is, but he doesn’t and I’m glad. It’s one thing to call me out on my issues, but he can’t, not when he has his own.

“I’m not gonna tell you what to do. I just want you to be happy, and right now, you really gonna tell me you’re happy with this arrangement?”

I nod, taking in his opinion, but instead of thinking too much on it, I rise up on my toes and kiss him. “What time tonight?”

“Be here at five. We’ll take my bike.” I nod once more and kiss him again.

“Okay, bye.” I open my door and get in. He stands watching me, patiently waiting as I reverse out. He stays standing there when I exit through the front gates and travel down the short road. I know he’ll stand there waiting until I’m no longer in sight. He does it every time I leave, and every time I fall a little more in love with him.

“Hey, honey, how you doing?” My mom’s voice interrupts me as I attempt to apply mascara.

“Hey, Mom.” I look up from my mirror and watch her walk in, taking a seat on my bed.

“I haven’t seen you all week. You going out again?” she asks, looking around my room. I push the guilt of keeping the news of Paige down deep and pretend that I don’t know. I know if it was me, I would want to know, but until we know for sure, I’m not going to get anyone else’s hopes up.

“Yeah, work’s been crazy and just been hanging out with Lissy.” I lie, giving up on the mascara. It’s a waste of time. I fail at this stuff.

“You going to Lissy’s again this time?” she asks and her tone changes, putting me on alert.

“Ahh, no actually.” I turn to face her, and wait for her reaction.

“Oh, Manda?”

“Umm, no. I have a date.” I decide to try out the truth this time.

“A date?” She sounds surprised, but not as much as I thought she would.

“I’ve been seeing someone,” I blurt out, unable to keep hiding it.

She doesn’t say anything to start with and I begin to question my decisions. Maybe she’s not ready for the truth.

“I knew something was up. I’ve noticed a change in you. I should have put it together.” For a moment her eyes remain steady, unblinking, until she shakes her head.

“You have?” I move from my chair and sit next to her on my bed.

“Bell, I was once your age. I’ve noticed the smiles that come across your face when you read your messages. The late night phone calls in your room.” I dip my head in embarrassment thinking I had kept it all a secret. She knew all along.

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?” I ask, unsure why she never said anything. All this sneaking around, was for nothing?

“I don’t know. Maybe to hold on to you a little bit longer.” She sighs then takes my hand. “Bell, listen, I know I haven’t been the best mother I could be—”

“Mom, no—”

“Just listen to me, baby. I haven’t been the best mom, you and I both know it. I’ve tried really hard to be the mom you need. Sometimes I wondered why God was testing me when we lost Paige, and the last thing I needed was to lose you too. But that was selfish of me. It wasn’t fair to you.”

“Mom, I get it.”

“How could you, baby? How could you possibly understand that I look at you, Bell, and I see myself? Always wanting to please everyone…and that makes me a bad mother for allowing it. I know when I look at you, I haven't allowed you to be the person you wanted to be. I held on. You deserve more than that.” She stops a moment to gather herself. “Do you know how proud of you I am?” She takes my face and a lone tear rolls down my cheek at hearing those words. “Another thing I have failed to tell you.” She shakes her head. “You amaze me, Bell, every day. Part of me holding on to you was because you kept me grounded. You reminded me of the person I was before Paige went missing.”

“No, Mom, don’t you see, it’s you who is amazing? I never blamed you. You’re so strong and brave. I shouldn’t have lied to you. I should have been honest.” I stand and snatch some tissues off my nightstand and hand her one.

“Thanks." She sniffs and wipes her eyes. “Look at us.” She laughs while we get ourselves together.

“I think it’s been a long time coming,” I reply, wiping my own eyes. She doesn’t reply, but I don’t miss the regret etched into her features.

“So, is it serious? This man?”

“No.” I shrug, unable to tell her what Jesse and I are when I don’t even know. It’s like I’m waiting for him to force me out, or let me in.

“It’s serious for you. I see it in your eyes. What’s his name?”

“Jesse.” I confess, not ready to tell her everything just yet.

“I’m happy for you, baby.” She pulls me into her arms, and for the first time in years, I let my mother comfort me. In the past, any sort of comfort between us has always been me reaching out to her, but today it’s different. It’s real.

“I love you, Bell,”

“I love you, too, Mom.” I pull back and wipe my eyes once again.

“What’s going on in here?” Ava interrupts our crying session.

“Bell has a date.” Mom lights up and shocks me with her excitement.

“So you told her about hot biker boy?”

“He has a bike?” Mom stands and a new level of stress moves over her face.

“Mom, relax. It’s not a big deal.” I tug her back down beside me before she has a panic attack. I look at my sister and give her a look that says thanks a lot.

“Oh, I’m fine. I’m worried for you when your father finds out…” she trails off and the room falls silent before my sister laughs, setting Mom off and subsequently me.