Nowhere near ready.

Twenty BELL

“Girl, that man has it bad for you.” Lissy whistles as we all watch Jesse stalk back to the bar.

“Please, we’re just having fun.” I shake my head and watch as Jesse turns back one last time. He smirks like he knows we’re talking about him, then gives me a wink and turns back.

“Yeah, a man acts like that with all the bitches he’s having fun with.” Manda snorts then high fives Lissy. I know what they are saying; sometimes even I wonder what the hell he is thinking. One minute he runs hot, the next cold. But I’m not going to ask what’s going on. The last thing I want is to push him away, so I’ll just take what I can get.

It’s not that I can’t see his struggle. I can see when he fights it. Even last weekend when he took me to meet Conner, he was conflicted. The man is fighting his own demons.

“For now, it’s just some fun. Don’t start labeling us, guys. You should be happy I’m out having fun,” I fire back. It was their idea to come here tonight. I hadn’t planned on going out, but I didn’t put up much of a fight either. Mom and Dad are out of town and Ava is staying with one of her girlfriends. When Lissy showed up at my door I didn’t have a chance.

“If you say so.” Lissy sucks on the end of the straw. “So if you’re not serious about Jesse, you won’t mind if we invite some men over, have some more fun.” She nods at three guys who are all looking our way.

“You and I both know that wouldn’t be wise,” I say, looking back over at Jesse.

“Why? You’re just having fun,” she pushes.

“Don’t mess around, Lissy. You want to piss him off? Go ahead. But I’m not having any part of it.” I sit back and wait for her to play with fire.

“You’re no fun, Bell. You know that would be hot, seeing Jesse get jealous. I would pay to see it.”

“Me too,” Manda winks, only encouraging Lissy more.

“No,” I say, not one bit intent on encouraging them; instead, I stand, take my drink and head over to the bar.

“Come on, admit it. You would want to know what would happen,” Lissy yells, but I keep walking. Yeah, maybe seeing Jesse lose his shit would be interesting to see. But Jesse isn’t the type of man to play games. I’m not giving him any reason to push me away; instead, I make my way up to the bar and plant myself on a stool.

“Hi, I’m Sarah. You must be Bell.” A small blonde wearing a Liquid apron wrapped around her waist holds her hand out to me.

“Yeah, that’s me. Nice to meet you.” I offer my hand back and watch her assess me.

“Play nice, Sarah.” Jesse walks by and gives me one of his grins.

“Don’t worry, Jesse. I won’t tell her all of your dirty secrets,” Sarah jokes back, throwing me a wink for good measure.

“Just the juicy ones?” I ask, a little eager. Inside information on Jesse? Yeah, I’m down for that.

“I like her already,” Sarah declares, and I can’t help smiling.

Yes, I think Sarah and I need to have this talk. The more I know about Jesse, the easier it will be to figure him out.

“You ready to go?” Jesse steps around the bar and up into my space commanding my attention. After I started talking with Sarah, the night seemed to flash by. Lissy, Kate and Manda, ended up joining me at the bar and we spent the rest of the evening laughing with Sarah, as she kept us entertained with all her bar stories. A few involved Jesse, but nothing too embarrassing.

“Jesse,” I start to argue that I can’t go home with him, but deep down, there’s no point. He’s not going to let up, and honestly, I don’t want him to.

“Don't even think about arguing with me right now, Bell.” His tone takes a serious turn, his face tight, seconds away from losing it. He’s been throwing glances my way for the last two hours. Every time I laughed at something Sarah said, his eyes would narrow. I was beginning to think me being here tonight was pissing him off.

“You should go, Bell. We can catch up later,” Lissy pushes, with a glint in her eye. I shake my head at her and level my stare. Of course, she would encourage this.

“It’s settled, let’s go.” Jesse takes my hand and pulls me off my stool, away from my friends.

“Wait, just a sec.” I try to pull back, but he’s on a mission and it feels like he’s ready to throw me over his shoulder and drag me out of here and back to his bed.

“Call me!” Lissy yells out before we turn the corner. I wave one last time, not bothering to fight it anymore. Jesse wants me—let everyone at his workplace know it; I’m going with it. He keeps his pace strong, direct and when we get to his bike, I’m beginning to think I’ve misread him.

“Why are you so upset?” I ask when he silently hands me his helmet. He stops and looks up before answering.

“I’m not,” he answers, leaning in to help me with the strap.

“Then why are you being snappy?”

“You make it hard to work and concentrate when you’re smiling and laughing all night. You don’t even know how hard that shift was.”

“What? Why?” I ask as he helps me onto the back of his bike.

“Sweetheart, you’re so fucking innocent it hurts to see it. Jesus, you had every man’s attention each time you threw your head back. It took everything in me not to punch every fucker looking at you.”

“Jesse, you’re weird.” I shake my head, not getting him one bit. This is the hot and cold I was talking about. One minute he’s pushing me out, the next he’s pissed at men watching me laugh.

“Maybe, but you’re fucking beautiful. Now move back and let me take you home. I’ve been craving you since you left my bed Sunday,” he grumbles. Again, I don’t argue. Instead, I move back and let him climb on. When he’s straddling his bike, he reaches back, takes my hands and wraps them around his middle.

“Hold on, sweetheart,” he orders over his shoulder. He doesn’t have to tell me twice. Pressing my front to his back, I do as I’m told and get ready for him to take off. He starts the bike, revs the throttle and before I know it, the wind hits my face and we’re riding. It’s the best feeling in the world, but I don’t tell him that. Instead, I slightly tilt my head back, let the cool air bite at my skin and enjoy it. I can only pray this feeling of finding my place doesn’t end.

Losing this, losing him.

I don’t think I could handle that.

“Jesus, what is he doing here?” Jesse asks when he cuts the engine to his bike. The ride to the clubhouse was quick. Jesse’s hand rested on my thigh the whole ride while my arms were wrapped tightly around his waist.

“Who?” I ask as he turns and helps me off the back. My fingers find the strap of the helmet, but he pushes them away and takes over.

“My brother.”

“Jackson?” I ask, looking around him.

“Yeah, come on, better to get this over with.” He pulls me toward the entrance and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

“Everything okay with you two?” I ask, picking up on his strange attitude.

“Way it’s always been, sweetheart. He busts my balls. I give him shit.” I nod because what else can I say. After last weekend and the cold confrontation between them, I decided whatever is going on between them is better left alone. The last thing I need is to be giving my advice where it’s not welcome.

“You’re lucky he cares about you,” I add as we enter the hall of the clubhouse.

Jesse snorts. “Yeah, he’s a model fucking brother.” He shakes his head but doesn’t continue.

“You wanna head to my room, meet me there?” he asks when we turn the corner to the main room.

“Bell, oh my, look at you girl!” Holly shouts when she sees me walk in with Jesse. I look down at what I’m wearing, remembering I let Lissy dress me tonight.