If only it was me that lost my legs.

Eighteen BELL

“I should go check on him.” I turn back to Conner, wishing I understood what Jesse was going through.

“Leave him. He needs space when he gets like this.” I nod, knowing what he means.

“So tell me, Bell, how long have you been together?” He points to the chair, motioning for me to sit down again. I only hold back for a second, knowing Jesse won’t talk anyway.

“Oh, we aren’t together,” I rush out and take a seat. As much as I’d like to call Jesse mine, I don’t think he would appreciate it. Especially when he told the nurse we weren’t together.

“He’s never brought a woman to meet me before.”

“Does he come visit often?” I ignore the flutter in my stomach knowing I’m the first girl Jesse has brought to meet his friend.

“Only when I’m here.” He laughs, but it’s not light.

I nod, looking around the room “Are you here a lot?”

“More times than I’d like to count. Hopefully after this visit, I can finally get my life back.” I nod, hoping he gets his wish.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, not even beginning to understand what he must live through.

“Has he ever talked about what happened that day?” he asks carefully.

“Jesse doesn’t talk about anything,” I tell him on a laugh. It’s hard enough getting him to talk about his family.

“Typical,” he scoffs. “He thinks he’s to blame, but the truth is if he wasn’t there, I would have died. He saved me. He saved himself, and he saved me. I wanted to give up. Fuck, it would have been easier, but the fucker wouldn’t let me.”

I don’t know what to say, so I nod. I can imagine Jesse being a proud Marine, feeling guilt for what happened to his friend. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

“I don’t understand him.” I sigh. Hearing Conner’s story, I can understand why he would feel a sense of guilt, but to this degree?

“His father, have you met that sonofabitch?” Conner asks.

“Only briefly, a few months ago.” I remember the hard man I met when Jesse was in the hospital. I know Jesse and his father are not on good terms at the moment, but getting any information out of Jesse is like pulling teeth.

“Oh, so you know the asshole is a piece of work. He fucked him up bad. I don’t know the full story, but I do know Jesse is the way he is, because of him. War just fucked with him a little more.” I let the words hang between us for a moment. What sort of life has Jesse lived if war only fucks you up a little more…

“I’m not scaring you, am I?” Conner laughs when I look up.

“Ha! Barely,” I lie, not really sure how I feel. It doesn’t take much to see Jesse has some serious issues. But it’s the issues he doesn’t talk about that worry me.

“You telling stories about me again, fucker?” Jesse walks back in, halting any more talk of him.

“Nah, just trying to hit on your girl.” He teases. I tense at Conner’s jab and wait for Jesse’s reaction.

“Good luck with that. Took me a few times to get her to smile.” Jesse looks over at me. I raise my brows and watch him challenge me. The fact he doesn’t shut down Conner’s slip makes me happy, but I know we are a long way from any sort of labeling.

“That’s because you’re not funny,” I joke back, hoping to relax him a little.

“Oh, those are fighting words.” Conner looks between Jesse and me.

“What?” I ask Jesse when he pouts.

“You don’t think I’m funny?” He looks put out, but he knows his lines sometimes get me to crack.

“Sometimes. You’re definitely not as funny as you like to think you are.”

“Damn, I like this girl. Can I have your number?” Conner asks and the room goes quiet.

“Conner,” Jesse warns, the air changing between them.

“What? Bell told me you weren’t together.” He gives me a wink before turning to look at Jesse. “Unless you are?” he adds.

“Bell, we gotta head out.” Jesse ignores him and turns to me.

“Oh, okay.” I stand, expecting this kind of reaction. “Have you got a pen? I’ll give you my number, Conner. We’ll arrange a time to chat when Jesse isn’t being a rude jerk.” I move closer to his bed.

“You are not giving him your number, Bell,” Jesse stretches out his words and delivers them with a warning I’m not going to follow.

“This is too good.” Conner snickers between us.

“Why not, Jesse?” I ask, annoyed at his rudeness. He’s the one who brought me here, and now he’s acting like I’m doing something wrong.

“Yeah, Jesse, why not?” Conner repeats, clearly liking this exchange. He sits up a little more excited than he has been since we arrived.

“Bell, we gotta go, now.” He ignores both of our questions, but I’m not going to let him push me around. He brought me here, and for whatever reason, it’s not the outcome he wanted. I’m not going to let him pull away anymore.

“And I’m saying goodbye to Conner.” I scribble out my number. “It was nice to meet you.” I pass him the card knowing full well I’m playing with fire.

“You too, darlin’.” He winks and Jesse growls behind us. The undertone of his displeasure isn’t lost on me.

Ignoring Jesse I move toward the door.

“I’ll come back tomorrow. Betty just told me you’re getting fitted with your new prosthetics.” Jesse tells Conner who nods in reply.

“Yeah, can’t fucking wait. So don’t come back in a mood either.” Jesse doesn’t reply, just nods then turns.

“Bye, Bell.” Conner taunts as Jesse pushes me out the door. He doesn’t stop pushing as we head down the hall, and out of the doors we first entered.

“You’re rude,” I finally say when we make it out to his bike.

“I’m rude? I wasn’t the one trying to poach my buddy’s girl.”

“Your girl?” I pull on his hand, forcing him to stop.

“You know what I mean.” He brushes his slip up off, but I’m not letting him off the hook.

“No, I don’t know what you mean, Jesse. Please explain.” I fold my arms across my chest and watch him falter under my stare.

“Get on the bike, Bell.” He ignores my request, but that’s not enough for me.

“Jesse.”

“Bell, don’t push it.” I hate that he keeps pushing me away whenever we take one step forward. I know it’s hard for him, but all I ask is for honesty. If it’s too much, I can step back. But I don’t even know what he’s feeling, or where we’re at.

“You’re a confusing man, Jesse Carter.”

“I know, sweetheart. You’re learning.” I shake my head when he graces me with one of his my-way-or-no-way smiles. I climb on the back of his bike, wishing he would give me more, but knowing this is all I’ll get.

“Where are we going now?” I ask, checking the time. I still have a few hours before Mom will start to worry, and I’m glad. I’m not ready to go back yet.

“I want to take you back to the clubhouse, get you naked and taste that sweet pussy of yours again,” he says and my face instantly heats. “Any objections?” he asks and I feel my head shake no. “Good.” He smirks, then leans down and plants his lips on mine. I try to hold on to the kiss for as long as possible, but before I know it, Jesse’s pulling back and climbing on his bike. After placing our helmets on in silence, I wrap my arms around his middle and wait for him to take off. I might not be getting all of Jesse Carter, but from the get go, I’ve always said I’d be happy with whatever he’ll give me.

I need to let it be enough.

“Look who came back. Have a nice ride?” Sy asks when we walk back into the clubhouse.

“It was great thanks,” I answer, waving to Holly and Kadence. Jesse doesn’t answer and keeps moving us toward his room.

“You’re not going to hang and chat, Jesse?” Holly asks, her grin growing as Jesse’s scowl darkens.