Ham didn’t try to talk to me, he just drove in silence as I leaned my head against the cold glass window and let my heart shatter into pieces.

“Be safe, Chel,” he said faintly as I jumped from the truck, not even turning around to acknowledge him or say thanks.

The rain had started coming down in buckets. I ran up the staircase that lead up the side of the building to Rose’s small apartment and pounded on the door. Water dripped from my hair and down my face, only disguising my tears but not hiding my puffy, bloodshot eyes and sniffles. Rose pulled the door open, she stood looking at me confused for a second before she took in my appearance.

“Oh, Chelsea,” she said sadly, opening her arms and allowing me to fall into them, the sobs starting up once again.

“I left,” I sniffed.

She ran her hands up and down my back, not caring that I was completely soaking her clothing.

“Come on in.”

I sat in her room for who knows how long. I was a fucking idiot. Chelsea was my match. She may be a club girl, but she had the heart of an Old Lady. She loved the club and supported me when I needed her.

She fucking loved me.

Fucking idiot.

I sat on her bed, holding my head in my hands. I’d already called Ham and given him his marching orders. He was to take her to where she wanted to go and then watch her like a hawk until we knew what was going on. I had some of the boys already going over her car with a fine-tooth comb. Someone wanted to cause some damage. Her car had been left unattended at the gym today, that had to be the place where they had planted the bomb.

Was it meant to go off while she was in the car? Or was it intended to damage the club?

I didn’t know. But I was going to fucking find out.

These bastards were going down. Chelsea may have walked away and I’d let her. But the fuck if I was going to let anything happen to her, just because I couldn’t keep in it my pants when she was around.

It was better this way.

That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.

There was a light knock on the door.

“Yeah,” I gruffed out. My throat feeling clogged with emotion for the first time in years. The door squeaked open and Sugar popped her head around the corner before ducking in and shutting it behind her.

“How’s Harlyn?” I asked. My stomach turned knowing that my baby girl had been subjected to something so violent and scary. Just another reason to take these assholes to the ground.

Sugar eyed the closed bathroom door curiously. “She’s asleep finally. Neil is sitting in the room with her in case she wakes up.”

I dragged my fingers through my short hair. “That’s good.”

“Chelsea in the bathroom?” she asked, looking confused. “I wanted to see if she was okay. But I can come back.”

“She’s gone,” I murmured.

Her eyes widened. “Say that again?”

“She’s fucking gone,” I snapped causing Sugar to jump slightly. “They fucking blew up her car! I told her we needed to keep our distance. She said she couldn’t do that anymore. That she loved me too much to be around if she couldn’t have me.”

I pushed off the bed and began pacing. Sugar quickly moved out of the way of my angry stomping and climbed onto the bed.

“Op, don’t do this. Not again,” she pleaded, watching me with sad eyes.

I stopped and glared at her. “This is not the same, Sugar.”

“How is this not the same, Op? Once again, pushing away the people you care about. Forcing them out,” she countered, almost angrily.

“I didn’t force her out,” I shouted. “She left! She walked the fuck out that door.”

“And you didn’t stop her,” she growled, pointing at me with a sharp, accusing finger. “She shares her heart with you. She tells you she loves you. She lays it all out on the line and you leave her there to dry, despite that fact that we call it as we see it. We all see how you feel about her.” Every point she threw at me was like another shot to the heart. Each more painful than the last.

All true.

My body was tense. I felt as though I needed to hit something. I was angry, but not at her—at myself. I just couldn’t bring myself to chase after her. My fears held me back.

“Do you love her?”

My stomach dropped and for a second, all I wanted to do was crumble to the floor.

Did I love her?

“She’s all I can see. There hasn’t been anyone else for a long time,” I replied, walking over to Chelsea’s school desk and propping myself up on the edge. “Chel...she’s different. She never had any expectations coming into this life, I think that’s what drew me to her. She was never out to be an Old Lady, she never wanted anything. She took what little I gave her and was happy with that, she gave me room to breathe and be who I wanted to be.”

I looked up and saw Sugar watching me intently.

I couldn’t talk about this shit with my brothers. I loved them, they were my family and I’m sure there are some of them who would understand. But Sugar knew my heart because at one stage she had consumed it. She’d seen me break down behind closed doors when my father was killed, she’d had to deal with that shit while on the outside I’d forced a strong front of anger and revenge for my men.

I was their leader. Without a strong leader, shit falls to pieces, mistakes are made, and in this life…people get killed. If they’d seen the anguish and torture I’d gone through, the self-blame and how I’d questioned being worthy of wearing that President’s patch that donned my vest, I would have never gained their respect.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she whispered. Tears shone in her eyes and I knew she could feel the ache in my chest. “Dealer’s death wasn’t on you.”

Hearing my father’s name sent a chill through my veins. I may have had my revenge, righted the wrongs that had taken place that night, but my heart still hung heavy with guilt. “I should have stayed with him. I knew it was wrong to leave but—“

“But you put me first before your family. Don’t you think that weight hangs heavy on my shoulders too? I loved Dealer. I shouldn’t have begged you to leave him there alone.” Her bottom lip quivered and I moved to crouch in front of her. This wasn’t the first time we’d had this conversation, but this was the first time she’d said anything about feeling responsible.

I took her face in my hands. “Don’t be stupid, Sugar. They were gunning for him.”

“Exactly. And if I hadn’t called you away you’d possibly both be dead and Harlyn would be growing up without a dad.”

I scoffed, turning away from her once again. “She’s done just fine the past five years without me.”

“Oh, wow! You’re really going to pull the poor me act? That’s pathetic,” she spat.

I spun, holding myself back from getting in her space. “I’m gonna let that one slide this time. Who the hell do you think you’re talking to?” Even though Sugar was different, having anyone speak to me with disrespect put me straight into the defensive zone.

She crawled off the bed and walked forward, standing toe to toe with me. “I thought I was fucking talking to a man who protected what was his? I thought I was talking to a man who had learned from his mistakes? I thought I was talking to a man who faced his problems head on rather than pushing them away and expecting that they will fix themselves eventually?”

“What the fuck, Sugar?” I growled, her words winding me tightly.

“Pull your head in, Op.” She jabbed me in the chest with her finger. “This girl, she was ready to give you everything. She didn’t care that being involved with you could put her life and future in danger. She would’ve risked everything to give you everything. Because to her, she would rather spend whatever time she had left feeling loved by you than spend the rest of her life wondering why or what she could have done differently.”