His forearm rests above my head, leaving even less space between us. I smell the whiskey. Some of the wet paint soaks my tank. “Can I show you something?”
“What?” I ask, heart pounding against his.
“This.” His lips crash into mine. At first, I fight it—with little effort, I try to push him back—but my body remembers him and curves into his.
The moon is always there. It changes shape, and sometimes you can’t see it at all, but it’s always there. It’s a lot like love.
It changes.
It fades.
But it’s still there.
When Blake’s lips touch mine, it’s a full moon. No one has ever made me feel the way he does. I can try to convince myself otherwise, but he’s the one that shines brighter than all others—past and present.
He cups my face in his hands, tugging my lower lip between his, then kissing each corner of my mouth the way he used to. His lips press harder into mine. I get the familiar smoky taste of whiskey. He traces the tip of his tongue along my lips, quietly begging for entrance. With no sense of control, I let him in.
He tastes.
The moon beams at me.
His tongue tangles with mine.
And, I want to cry.
This is what he wanted to show me. No love I’ve ever felt is more intense than this. No one else makes me feel the way he does.
He’s the full moon. Everyone else is simply a crescent.
I wrap my arms around his neck, my body melting into his.
He kisses me breathless.
He kisses me to clarity.
He kisses me until all I want to do for the rest of my life is be with him just like this.
My lips tingle as time passes, and it doesn’t even matter that I can’t feel them. He’s imbedded deep down—a place that only he can get to. He slowly pulls away only to brush feather light kisses along my jawline.
I want to hold him close and never let him go.
“Do you see it now?” he whispers against my lips.
I shake my head, and he immediately lowers his eyes. “Look at me.”
He won’t look, and I know exactly what he’s thinking.
“Blake, please look at me.”
He backs away, arms hanging at his side. It takes a few seconds, but he finally glances back up.
Without hesitation, I move closer, grabbing one of his hands between mine. “I didn’t see it, but I felt it.” Lifting his hand to my chest, I let him feel how quickly my heart beats. “I felt it right here.”
I can’t lie to him. I can’t lie to myself.
Tears fill his eyes before he wraps me tightly in his arms, spreading kisses along my neck. “Does that mean I have a chance?” he asks, hesitantly.
“I don’t know, Blake. So much has happened between us—so many things I can’t just forget.”
He pulls away, cradling my cheeks in his hands. “Since I left, has there ever been a day you didn’t think of me?”
A single tear slips from my eye. “Not a single hour has gone by that I didn’t think of you.”
“Even when you’re with him?”
“Even then,” I answer honestly. Blake has been in the back of my mind since he left. I compare the things Pierce does to the way Blake did them, but when I’m with Blake, my only thought of Pierce is the guilt I feel for being with Blake. The obvious answer to where my heart lies shows in my thoughts.
His thumbs caress my cheekbones. “I can’t stand to watch you with him. When we’re all in the same room … when I watch the way he looks at you or how he touches you. I can’t do it knowing that you were mine … knowing what it feels like to be him. My fingers ache to feel your skin. My heart bleeds slowly every second you’re not with me, and I don’t know how much more I can take before there’s nothing left of me. I miss you so fucking much that there aren’t enough words to even say it.”
“What are you saying?” I cry.
“I’m saying that I made the biggest fucking mistake of my life letting you go, and I want you back. I’d do anything you ask me to, Lila. Anything. But, if I can’t have you, I need to move on … out of this city. The constant reminders of us are killing me.”
The guy who always seemed so sure of himself doesn’t seem so sure anymore.
“Make a choice,” he begs. “And when you do, listen to your heart. That’s how I found my way back to you.”
Thoughts flash through my head like a fireworks display … some louder than others … some leaving more of an impact. My love for Blake is different than what I feel for Pierce, and there’s only one I can’t live without. Deep down, I’ve known it all along.
“You have to promise me something.”
“Anything,” he murmurs, kissing my lips.
It’s hard to think when he’s doing that. “Actually there are two things.”
He slips the strap of my top off my shoulder, kissing from there to my collarbone. “I’m waiting.”
“Would you still want me back if I wasn’t with him?
“Hell yes. I came back before I even knew.”
I nod. He moves to the other shoulder.
“And, I need you to stay. No matter how hard things get—what demons invade—I need to know you’ll let me help you through it. That you’ll help me through mine.”
Finally, he looks back into my eyes. “I can’t promise that I won’t need a break, but I promise that I’ll always come back. Every day, I work through it, and every day, it gets a little better. We both just need a little patience.”
I nod again. I can live with that.
He untucks my shirt, running his fingers along my bare stomach. I grip his wrist before he can go any further. “There’s one more piece.” My heart aches just thinking about it. “I need to talk to him first. I never wanted to be this girl, and if I don’t stop this now before I have a chance to talk to him, the guilt is going to follow me.”
“I want to come with you.”
“This is something I just need to do.”
“I don’t like it.”
“You don’t have to,” I admit.
His hands fall away from me. “When?”
“Tomorrow.”
He scrubs his hands over his chiseled jaw, and I imagine them all over me … where they should have been all along. “I’m going to stay here tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t stand the thought of going back to that apartment and not having you in my bed.”
I’m at a loss for words. I can’t imagine what it will be like to be with him again. It’s surreal.
The only sound is a train close by. I came here tonight for one purpose, and it turned into something else. How do I walk away from this?
“It’s getting late. I should probably be going.”
“Let me change, and I’ll give you a ride.”
“Thank you.”
His hand rests against my cheek as he presses his lips to mine one last time. “I’m the one who should be thanking you.”
After he slips away, I wander around the warehouse. The painting he did the other night is perched against the wall. Even in the dark, its beauty is evident.
I wonder if the picture of me still hangs after everything we went through. With bated breath, I walk to the corner where it was hanging the last time I was here.
Arms wrap around me from behind. “That one was never going anywhere.”
“It’s beautiful.”
“It shows exactly what I see when I look at you.”
His words are making it harder to be here with him like this without going further. “Should we go?” I ask, consciously breaking the perfect moment.
“Yeah, it’s getting late.”
Our fingers entwine as he leads me out to his old Trans Am. It just brings back more memories. “I almost forgot about Frank,” I remark as he holds the passenger door open for me.
He leans over, smiling. I missed that smile. “How can you forget Frank? He’s me with wheels.”
I laugh as he shuts my door and runs along the front of the car to jump in the driver’s seat. “I missed that laugh,” he says before putting the key in the ignition.
“I missed your smile.”
“I missed having something to smile about,” he adds before taking off down the dark street. The car purrs the same way I remember it, filling the silence between us. I’m still not completely sure how we got here, but it feels real.