I watched the trees out of the window, trying to think my way out of it. I could still back out. Just text him and tell him no. He might be hurt, but what would I risk if I went with him?

Maybe he wouldn’t care at all. Maybe it was just a game to him, and he just liked to push my buttons, get his way.

But I knew as soon as I thought it that it was a lie. And that thought scared me worse than anything.

Bobby stopped a block away from the apartment, and I thanked him before slipping out and walking home. I trudged up the stairs and unlocked the door to find Lily and Rose at the kitchen table.

“Hey.” I tried to smile and apparently wasn’t very convincing. “What are you doing here, Lily?”

Her brow dropped, worried. “I just got home from the theater, was about to head over to West’s. You okay?”

I made a face and took a seat, my eyes darting to Rose. “Mr. M is getting serious.”

Lily sighed. “Shit.”

Rose’s brow quirked. “That’s a bad thing?”

I leaned on the table, trying to be vague. “It just complicates a situation that’s already sticky.”

Rose shrugged. “What’s so sticky about it? Do you like him?”

“I’m not ready to like anyone.”

“You seem like you’re fine,” she said.

“I feel like I’m fine, but I don’t trust myself.”

“Then just use him until the time’s up and walk away.”

I shook my head, frustrated. “There is no walking away, Rose.”

“What do you mean?”

Lily watched me with her arms folded across her chest, and Rose’s eyes bounced between us.

“What’s the story?” Rose asked, edging on impatient.

Lily sighed again. “Just tell her, Maggie.”

I chewed on my lip.

“Tell me what? What the hell is going on?”

I took a deep breath. “Mr. M is …”

Rose leaned forward. I couldn’t even say it.

Lily blurted, “Cooper. She’s banging Cooper.”

Rose’s eyes bugged, her mouth hanging open. “No fucking way.”

I nodded, feeling guilty. “Since my wedding night.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Maggie.” Rose blinked.

Lily shook her head. “You’ve got to figure out a better way to break that to people, Mags. No one is ever prepared for Cooper wedding night fuckery.”

I dropped my face into my palms. “I know. Please, don’t judge me.”

Rose put up a hand in surrender. “I’m not one to judge people for who they sleep with or when. I’m just shocked. What about Astrid?”

Lily answered for me. “It’s a sham, Cooper and Astrid.”

Rose ran her fingers through her bangs. “What the fuck.”

“What happened?” Lily asked me.

“He wants to take me sailing this weekend, to the Hamptons.”

Lily sighed again and fiddled with the placemat in front of her. “Oh, man. That’s a dream date, Maggie.”

“I don’t know. I mean he’s pushed past every boundary I’ve defined.”

“Sounds like Cooper, all right,” Rose said.

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Do you want to go?” she asked, brows up.

“Of course I want to go. But it’s a horrible idea.”

“Why?” she asked simply.

“Because I don’t want to date Cooper. I don’t want to have feelings for him.”

“I feel like it may be too late for that.”

“I feel like maybe you’re right.” I felt panicky. “I should end it. I should end it now before it goes any further.” The thought of cutting it off made me feel sick. “It’s gone on long enough. One more week isn’t going to help anyone at this point.”

“Is that really what you want?” Rose asked.

I couldn’t stop shaking my head. “I don’t know what I want. The timing is so bad.”

“Is it though?”

I paused. “The wedding was only three months ago.”

“But what does that have to do with anything?” Rose said it like all the answers were a straight line, simple and easy.

I stammered. “I … well, I don’t know. I don’t feel like it’s responsible to jump into something yet, especially not with Cooper. This was supposed to just be for fun, no feelings. I thought it would be easy to keep it casual with him while I figure myself out. But the problem is that I haven’t figured anything out. I feel like I’m split in two. Before New York and After New York. Maggie with Jimmy and Maggie without Jimmy. Like the old me is a mirage. I don’t even know her anymore, but I don’t know the new me either.” My nose burned, and I sniffed to stave off the tears. “I’m a mess, see? A tangled-up mess. I cannot get involved with Cooper any deeper than I already am.”

Rose looked straight through me. “But what if he’s good for you?”

I looked at her like she’d sprouted an extra head.

“Hear me out.” She leaned forward. “Cooper wouldn’t be asking you on a weekend trip if he was only interested in a booty call. It’s too intimate. And if Cooper cares about you like that, then this is huge for him. What if he could be what you needed? What if he could give you all the things Jimmy couldn’t?”

“Maybe I could consider it if we were a year from now. It’s too soon.”

“Well, we’re not a year from now. We’re exactly where we are. Look, if you’re really not ready, then you’re not ready. But you want to be with him, and he makes you feel good, right?”

“Yes,” I answered quietly.

“Then I think the answer is much easier than you want to believe.” She sat back in her chair and brought her knee up. “I say go. Go and pretend like nothing before this weekend ever happened. Pretend just for the course of the trip, and if there’s something more to it, then you’ll know. If there’s not, then walk away.” She sighed. “There’s no set mourning period when you break up with someone. It takes however long it takes. Maybe moving here just sped up the process, and you’re more okay than you realize. Maybe you never really loved Jimmy at all. Maybe old Maggie and new Maggie are the same person. Maybe if you walk away from Cooper now, you miss an opportunity that you won’t have again.”

My eyes rested on a spot on the table. “Is it wrong to put Cooper through this if I end up walking away?”

“Do you think he’d miss the chance to find out?”

I thought about it for a moment before answering honestly. “No.”

She hung her arm on her knee, looking satisfied. “Then there it is. Just go. See what happens.”

I turned to Lily. “Do you think it’s possible that I’m whole enough to get into something so soon? What if I’m just rebounding?”

“I think you won’t know until you try. I also think if Cooper really cares about you, he’ll understand if you’re not ready.”

I didn’t respond, just considered it all. On paper, it looked ridiculous, me and Cooper. But in my heart, I knew it wasn’t as crazy as it seemed. “I’ve been talking myself out of Cooper for weeks, and now I’m trying to talk myself into him.”

Rose smirked. “I don’t think you need all that much convincing.”

I took a deep breath. “Go and pretend like nothing else happened. Just forget about everything else for thirty-six hours.” I shook my head. “I’ve been living in denial for long enough that I’m pretty sure ignoring my problems for a couple more days will be a piece of cake.”

Lily laughed.

“Leave the decisions for when you get back. Lily and I will be here on Sunday if you need to trip out. We’re excellent ledge talkers.”

“We’ll have bourbon, too,” Lily added.

I chuckled, feeling nervous and excited. “All right. I’m gonna do it.”

“Yeah, you are.” Rose said with a nod and a smile.

“I should pack and try to sleep.”

Lily sighed. “I’m so jealous you’re going sailing. It’s going to be amazing, Maggie.”

I smiled, my heart fluttering in my rib cage. “I hope so.”